


Gloves and Ropes

by LM84



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boxing, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Awesome Dean Winchester, BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), BAMF Dean Winchester, Benny Lafitte & Dean Winchester Friendship, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Dark Past, Depression, Epilepsy, Fluff and Angst, Gang Violence, Head Injury, Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Injured Castiel (Supernatural), On the Run, Past Lives, Past Violence, Protective Benny Lafitte, Protective Dean Winchester, Seizures, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harming Castiel (Supernatural), Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2020-05-14 11:38:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 78,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19272499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LM84/pseuds/LM84
Summary: Told firmly by Sam to get a grip, Former Amateur Boxer Dean Winchester steps back into the ring many years after retirement to give him something to focus on after a heart breaking, break-up with his lying and manipulative ex Lisa.For a change, Dean has no intentions of fighting. He's there for an outlet and to take his mind off things... that's until he meets the last person he expects to find in a backstreet Gym in New Orleans. The Angel. Castiel Novak.Face to face with a legend Dean is surprised by the former professional, he's nothing like he'd imagined him to be and seems to be hiding hints of a past that may be even darker than his own.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heads up that I know Fcuk all about boxing, so pointers would be helpful, but please don't slate me. literally this story is based off YouTube vids and Wikipedia pages, but I liked the concept so ran with it.
> 
> Depending on the following this fic gets I may make this a multipart with a prequel and a sequel depending on the ending.

“Hey...”

Dean didn’t get nervous. Or that’s what he told himself as he strode into an environment that was simultaneously both alien and incredibly familiar at the same time. He must have been in 50 places like this in his life. Boxing gyms didn’t vary all that much. The ring, as usual, sat slap bang in the middle of the room, raised above the ground. It was the centrepiece, as was always the case; after all that’s where fighters were made or broken. This particular ring, with its bright blue mat rimmed by red ropes skirted with the American flag made Dean cringe a little. Everyone just wanted to shout patriot and it wasn’t that Dean didn’t love his country, he just didn’t see the need to shove it in people’s faces morning, noon and night, and a fight gym was hardly the place for it in his opinion. In the gym all that mattered was winning the fight.

This place had more than a few things going for it though. There were swathes of natural light, flooding in from skylights in the ceiling and the lighting itself was the true white bulbs that made it feel far less dingy and oppressing than where he used to train. The place had clearly been done up recently. The floor was in the rest of the gym was varnished light hardwood and it barely had a scratch or dent in it. It looked classy. Too classy for the outskirts of the city, but the faded posters on the wall, photos of past champions, newspaper clippings and the inevitable case of trophies made sure the history of the place wasn’t lost.

A quick glance round and he could see everything he’d ever need. Weights racks, dumbbells, lifting platforms, plenty of open spaces for casual sparring or skipping and the bags hung in the corner closest to the ring. He smiled at the way they were arranged, plenty of space around each one not in the usual straight-line formation, the place was quirky and old school and he liked it. But he wasn’t sure about the name. Purgatory. Dean had had enough of biblical, mythological nutbags for one lifetime, but maybe a name was just a name in this case.

“Hey Buddy, you new?” The man whose attention he’d been trying to get turned around with a friendly smile and Dean felt himself relax into the Louisiana drawl.

“Yeah, I spoke with Benny on the phone couple days ago, told me to come down on Saturday.”

“Ah Dean, right?” Thank God he didn’t have to explain himself further.

“Yeah.” He confirmed.

“Yeah well, I’m Benny, nice to meet you. Bit of a legend your fight against Azazel.”

“You know about that?” Dean chuckled. It had been a long time ago. A lifetime, in fact.

“Yeah, man, it may have been lower division fight, but I’m a huge fan of the sport and that was one of the most brutal showdowns I ever saw.”

“Huh yeah, well it was personal.” Dean remembered bitterly, but then remembered the feeling of beating that piece of shit into the ground and it made him feel instantly better.

“That why you stopped fighting? Score settled?”

“Something like that. And I have a little brother who hates the fact I fight.”

“Family Huh. You do anything for them.””

“No kidding.” Dean scoffed.

“So, you’re just here to workout, right?”

“Exactly. Bit of sparring maybe, nothing else.”

“Yeah I respect that. We got a fair few old timers who are in the same boat. Most of the people here now are just come to lift, but I’ll introduce you round the fighters if any turn up.”

“Sounds good.”

“Make yourself at home.” Benny gestured. “I got some stuff to do, but the office is through there behind the ring if you want anything.

“Sure. Cheers Benny.”

Dean took his time to explore the gym floor and the locker rooms. It was all really nicely done out. The only shabby thing was a red door in the very far corner marked private which had peeling paint and dent marks which looked like someone had tried to punch there way out from the other side. He chuckled to himself, most people would find that disconcerting, but Dean knew what sort of hotheads came to box and it amused him to think of Benny locking someone in what he could only guess was the janitors closet until they calmed down.

He’d heard good stuff about Benny Laffite, he’d trained a world champ once apparently. Dean hadn’t really kept up with the sport since he’d packed it in, he was only here now because his little brother was sick of him moping about the house and drinking himself into an early grave. Still like father like son, he’d thought at the time. That was until Sam had slapped him hard across the face and told him to man the fuck up and he was no better than Dad.

That had sobered him up straight away.

Dean had been in the weights area for a good half hour when he saw some more people enter the gym and push straight through to the locker room. Dean ignored them and carried on. He wasn’t here to socialise. That was until Benny appeared from the back office and spotted him for his last set on the bench.

“It might be jumping in at the deep end, so shoot me down, its no skin off my back, but we got a couple of guys wanting to spa if you’re up for it?”

Dean considered a moment. Sam would hate it, but hell, he may as well set himself a benchmark to work off if he was going to start doing this again.

“Sure, why not.” Dean shrugged.

“Great. I’ll leave you to get warmed up. Still a cruiserweight?”

“Just about. I’m on the lighter side since I haven’t been in the gym in a long while.”

“Great.” Benny smiled, leading him round to the locker room. “Tyler, Randy, Victor, meet Dean Winchester.”

…………………

Dean stepped up for a few short sparring matches. Most of these guys were amateurs, able to hold their own but Dean was just playing. His strength and fitness may not have quite been where he was hoping but his instincts and reflexes never left him.

“Dear me brother.” Benny chuckled as Dean ducked back under the ropes.

“What?” Dean asked with a look of concern.

“You, toying with them boys.” Benny rolled his eyes. “I’ll have to find a fighter that’s a bit more of a challenge.”

“Hey they’re not bad.” Dean shrugged.

“Yeah, but you should have turned pro in ’09, these cubs they just aint got the metal.”

“Need toughening up.”

“Big style. Maybe you could teach them a thing or two.”

“Me a trainer? Nah, that aint me.”

“You’d surprise yourself.” Benny shrugged.

“Benny, Clarence broke a bag.” A short, black haired woman who had a look on her face that quite frankly scared Dean, skulked up behind Benny with her arms folded, pointing to the red door that Dean had discovered early. So maybe it wasn’t a janitor’s closet after all. Maybe a private hire room?

“Well tell the clown he’s paying for it.” Benny huffed, but Dean saw a flash of concern cross Benny’s face which puzzled Dean.

“Clarence? What sort of name is that?” Dean asked coyly, and Benny chuckled.

“Arguably better than his real one. Meg just calls him that to confuse him.”

“I do not.”

“Fine its to tease him because he doesn’t understand the reference.”

Meg seemed to decide not to rise to what Benny had said, though Dean could see something fierce crawling and bubbling under her skin.

“Maybe we should give him something real to hit.” The woman purred, pressing a finger into the centre of Dean’s chest. “What’s your name handsome? I could swear I know you from somewhere…”

Dean frowned and brushed her off lightly. Something about her made his skin crawl.

“Back off Meg, he aint a piece of meat.” Benny rolled his eyes. “And Dean Winchester aint no punching bag, ‘ _Clarence’_ will just have to get his temper under control.”

“Issues with your heavyweight? I don’t mind fighting up…” Dean offered.

“No, he’s…”

“Dean Winchester.” Meg said interestedly. “I used to train with Azazel, apparently he’s still eating through a straw after your little bout.”

“Well can’t say I’m sorry.” Dean grunted.

Meg nodded with a sly look. “Come on Benny give the man a fight.” She smirked suggestively.

“I don’t let weight categories mix Meg, it never ends well.”

“You know Dean can look after himself.”

“Clarence aint fighting anyone today, or ever if he keeps this up.” Benny growled.

“Come on Benny, you know he’s dying for a fight.”

“And you know there’s a very good reason why he aint getting one.”

“Suit yourself.” Meg threw her hands up. “Might make him more manageable if he gets to let out some steam.”

“Go calm your angel boy down, I’ll be there in a minute.” Benny grumbled, trying to get rid of Meg and turned back to Dean with a sigh.

“She’s a character.” Dean frowned.

“Yeah, she is. But she’s a damn good fighter and not a bad trainer.”

“So, who’s the Clarence bloke?”

“He likes to keep himself to himself Dean, I wouldn’t go prodding him.”

“No, I can respect that, it’s just if he wants a sparring partner I don’t mind fighting up as long as he aint a complete psycho.”

Benny chuckled. “He aint a psycho, but he aint no heavyweight either.”

“What then?”

“He’s a Supermiddleweight.”

“Oh. I get you.” Dean nodded. Dean was no slouch, and even if this guy was good, putting Dean against someone 2 weight classes below him was not a smart move for a trainer to make. Dean could cause some serious damage when he wanted to.

But then Benny turned back with a look of contemplation of his face. “You know what screw it… Fancy a real challenge?”

“I don’t tend to fight down Benny.” Dean countered, hesitantly.

“You don’t need worry about that.”

Dean frowned.

“Go put on a headguard.” Benny offered. “I’ll go talk to him.”

“Sure.” Dean shrugged.

Dean went to the far row of the locker room and sat with his head against the lockers. This was a turn up, he wasn’t sure what to make of it. He hadn’t really come here for anything more than a work out and stress relief. His heart had never really been in boxing, it had been more like a mission to him. Once he’d completed that mission the motivation was gone. But boxing was all he knew.

His trail of thought was cut off as the sound of footsteps and someone slightly out of breath entered the locker room. Dean’s view was obscured by the other 4 rows of lockers between him and the door but when he heard Benny’s voice he decided to stay quiet for the time being.

“You are paying for that punching bag.” Benny growled

“Yes, of course I will Benny I am sorry, it wasn’t intentional.” A voice, gruff and deeper than the ocean. It sent chills down his spine for a reason he couldn’t quite place, and it seemed familiar for some reason.

“I know I know, but you really need to chill.”

“Benny…”

“What the hell did you do to your hand!” Benny yelled in, cutting the other man off.

“I broke a punching bag.” The man said matter-of-factly.

“Did you wrap your hands?” Benny asked accusatorily.

“No.” The man answered bluntly.

“Why the hell not?” Benny growled.

“Because it helps.” The voice said sadly.

Benny sighed, and the room fell silent. There was a feeling of regret filtering through the air.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“So, this man I’m fighting…”

“I’m not sure I’m going to let you do any sparring with your hand in that state.”

“Benny, it isn’t broken I assure you, Meg’s right I need this.”

“Fine, on your head be it. Quite literally.”

“Who is he then?”

“Dean Winchester. He’s new here but an old-time fighter…”

“Interesting.”

“You know him?”

“Of him.”

There was the sound of a bag unzipping and something being passed from person to person.

“Put it on and glove up.”

“Benny.” A word of bitter protest.

“Wear the damn headguard or there’ll be no fight.”

“Fine.” The man huffed.

……………………………..

“Winchester there you are.” Benny greeted him with a grin and a pat on the back.

“Yeah, sorry Benny, was just getting a drink.”

“No worries. Three rules, wear your damn headguard, you get in trouble you call it off and no headshots.”

“No headshots?” Dean retorted.

“No headshots and I mean it, he aint allowed to either.”

“Like no headshots at all, or just serious ones. Can you dummy?”

“Body shots only.” Benny clarified.

“Ok, I guess.” That was a very strange rule, but he supposed he could work with it.

“Another thing. Don’t think about his weight class vs yours, I can already see you thinking about pulling your punches… don’t. Oh, and don’t bother shit talking him, you don’t want to piss him off.”

Dean frowned but shrugged. He wasn’t sure exactly what sort of damage a middle weight could do to him, even a good one, but his Dad has always taught him never to underestimate his opponent.

“Let’s go.”

Dean slipped on his gloves and slid between the ropes in a practiced instinctual motion, feeling the buzz of adrenaline as he prepared to face his opponent. Dean turned his head to see a man, still stood outside the ring and about his height, lean but built, with his back turned to the ring as he conversed with Benny. His opponent. The man had raven black hair, which was messy and stuck up at all angles matching the colour of his T-shirt, which was unusual. Dean always fought bare chested, most people did. Fabric of any sort was a hinderance to movement and you had to be fast. Benny roughly pushed the man’s headguard into his hands and he put it on with an amount of care that confused Dean, seeing as he objected to it so strongly before.

Dean glanced at Benny, who gave him a thumbs-up and a knowing smile, while the other guy climbed up to the ring. There was quite a crowd gathered, all looking amused and excited, glancing at Dean with small sniggers.

Dean turned around and saw a face he would recognise anywhere, or more accurately a set of piercing blue eyes that seemed to burn through him and his stomach dropped.

“Oh shit.” Dean breathed.

He looked at Benny with a face of shock and dread. Benny started laughing while Meg folded her arms in amusement.

The man Dean was facing was Castiel Novak. The Angel. Undefeated in his career, 63 professional wins to his name before he retired 5 years ago, just days before the Olympic selection. It had shocked the boxing world. The Angel had been at his prime and his sudden retirement had caused a tonne of rumours to start flying. He’d released no press statement, just fired a quick ‘I’ve had enough’ quote at a reporter and people had been saying everything from he was carrying injury to a secret drug addiction. Most people were saying he’d lost his edge and his nerve after the big smack down with Michael aka. The Archangel, earlier in the year. That fight had been incredible, highly unconventional and a massive controversy.

No one understood why Novak had challenged the heavyweight champion. Very rarely were people allowed to fight above their weight and the match hadn’t been strictly legal, even though it had been televised all over the world. It was David vs Goliath. The Angel vs The Archangel. Michael nearly put Novak down in the 8th, well in literal terms he had. Novak was briefly unconscious but had somehow staggered to his feet before the count reached 9. The ref had tried to stop the fight in the 10th round, Novak was taking hit after hit, his face covered in blood and it was debateable whether he was fully conscious. He hit the mat 5 more times, but The Archangel just couldn’t keep him down. They all knew who the winner would be as the 12th round began, that was until The Archangel just seemed to run out of juice. No one could believe their eyes when Novak wiped him out with 3minutes to go. A couple of strong, well aimed jabs and a ferocious haymaker were all it took to take down the king of the ring and end his career.

The bell rang.

Novak didn’t give Dean a chance to recover from his thoughts, as soon as the bell rang he practically pounced on the Winchester and all Dean could do was block. Dean was in trouble 15 seconds in.

……………………………….


	2. Chapter 2

Dean groaned as he sunk back into the sofa and pressed the ice into his ribs.

“What the hell happened to you?” Sam asked, looking in concern. “You’ve not been fighting again.” Sam looked disappointed.

“Not like that. It wasn’t Crowley’s gang, I joined a gym.”

“You’re boxing again? Dean we talked about this...”

“I’m not fighting Sammy, honestly, it’s just something to do.”

“It looks like you’ve been fighting.”

“Sparring match, not a fight.”

“What sort of lousy trainer lets someone beat the crap out of you like that in a sparring match?”

“Benny’s good people, and to be fair, I’m pretty sure the guy was pulling his punches.”

“Pulling his punches. Who the hell were you fighting?”

Dean grinned ear to ear. “Castiel Novak.”

Sam dropped his briefcase in disbelief. “No way!”

“Yes way.” Dean was still grinning.

“You’re kidding?”

“I’m really not.”

“I thought he’d retired?”

“He has, but still works out clearly.” Dean said gesturing to his bruised torso.

“Dean that is so cool, I mean… could I come along to the gym?”

“You can come fanboy Sammy, but he’s very private and apart from me today I gathered that he doesn’t fight. We shook hands, but he didn’t say a word after the match.”

“I’m still coming.”

“I’m going in tomorrow morning.”

“I’ll be there.”

“Don’t forget your sharpie so he can sign your boobs.”

“Shut up Dean.” Sam yelled and threw a cushion at him. “You’re such a jerk.”

“Bitch.” Dean grinned and chuckled as Sam withdrew up the stairs.

…………………..

“Surprised to see you in here today. Bet you’re aching after yesterday.” Benny greeted Dean with a sympathetically gentle pat on the shoulder.

“No kidding.” Dean grunted.

“You held your own in there Winchester, impressed a few people.”

“I barely lasted 5 minutes in there.” He protested.

“You went 3 rounds. That’s better than I’ve seen in a long time.” Benny shrugged.

“Ignore his whining, he’s just pissy he got his ass kicked by a middleweight.” Sam chuckled.

“Who’s your friend, brother?” Benny asked.

“My actual baby brother.” Dean said proudly. “Sammy this is Benny.”

“It’s Sam.” Sam rolled his eyes, elbowing Dean before stretching his arm to shake Benny’s hand.

“You here to sign up Sam?”

“Not a chance.”

“You don’t fight?”

“Not outside a courtroom.” Sam stated and Benny looked impressed.

“Yeah, Sammy’s a big shot lawyer now, graduated Stanford couple years back.” Dean smiled broadly. He was so proud of his baby brother not becoming a massive screw up like him, despite everything.

“Good for you brother.” Benny patted Sam on the back. “But if you came to see your big bro get his ass whooped, Novak’s out for a run.”

“I’m not getting back in there with him until I’ve had a few weeks decent training.” Dean scoffed.

“I’m not sure how much it will help you brother, but whatever makes you feel better.” Benny flashed a smile as he walked away to show he was joking, and Sam couldn’t help but burst out in laughter.

Dean returned Benny’s smile but elbowed his brother hard in the ribs. “Bitch.”

“Jerk.” Sam shoved him back. But they both smiled.

……………………………

It was nice training with Sammy in his corner.... metaphorically anyhow. It had been a long time since they’d been together like this, though he could tell that Sam was disappointed not to see the angel.

“Come on Sammy let’s go. I’m done.” Dean said after a few hours and he was. He ribs were aching enough for him to wonder if he’d cracked any. He’d left himself wide open a few times, dropping his guard in desperation to return some fire on the former world champion, but that had been a big mistake.

“Already? I Swear you used spend a good 8 hours a day in these places.” Sam jested.

“Yeah, well I had a reason to back then. And give me a break, I haven’t been in the ring in nigh on 7 years.”

“I’m just glad your getting out and about after…”

“If you ever Lisa and Ben to me again I will break your nose.”

“Dean…”

“I’m not kidding.” He said, voice laced with so much barely contained emotion Sam was worried his brother might burst.

“I’m sorry.” He said sincerely, holding up his hands in surrender. “I’m sorry Dean.”

“Yeah, so am I.” Dean said sadly.

They stepped outside into the street in silence and started to walk back towards the Impala when they heard the voices of screaming girls coming from the bridge. They turned and startled, but instantly realised they were hysterical, excited screams rather than ones of terror. Three girls in their mid-twenties were chasing a man who seemed to be running away from them. It didn’t take much for the man to outrun them and they just stopped and stood pointing at him with looks of disbelief written on their faces.

The guy, who had been headed straight towards them, slipped into the back alley behind the gym and Sam and Dean followed out of curiosity. The man bent down and pulled a key to the back door of purgatory out of his sock and Dean called out to him.

“You ok Dude?”

“Mr Winchester. Yes, I am quite well.” Dean recognised the voice almost immediately as it sent shiver down his spine.

“Mr. Novak.” Dean smiled back at Castiel and felt his brother free just behind him.

“Oh My God….” Sam breathed, and Dean tried not to chuckle.

“What’s with those girls?” He asked instead, hoping that given some time Sam would calm the hell down and not be a total embarrassment.

“They were taking a photo on the bridge. I was just stretching and cooling down, but I saw they were wearing WBC merch and one of the them had a t-shirt from my fight against The Archangel. I thought I would ‘photobomb’ them discretely, but I got caught.”

“Nice idea man. They’ll remember that for life.” Dean smiled.

Cas nodded as he unlocked the door. “I’m afraid I won’t be sparring again for some time, if that’s why you were here.”

“Nah man, I’m done for the day and I think I’ll be feeling that match for the rest of the month. I suppose I should thank you for pulling for punches.”

“You think I was pulling my punches?” Cas frowned and tilted his head to the side in confusion.

“Well, I could tell you could have wiped the floor with me if you wanted.”

“You discredit yourself Mr. Winchester. You are a skilled fighter. I may have moved slower to compensate for you being a little rusty and of a higher weight class, but I never pull my punches, it is disrespectful to my opponent.”

“Huh, well. Thanks, I guess. And it’s Dean.”

“Castiel.” He outstretched his hand to take Dean’s and they shook. “Though I suppose we both knew each other’s names.”

“Yeah I guess.” Dean smirked and shrugged, unable to take his gaze away from the smaller man’s eyes.

“I would not compliment you falsely Dean, I would in fact, like to fight you again when we have both recovered. You are a very good opponent.”

“Seriously?”

“I do not joke Dean.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” Dean chuckled. “Well, dude, honestly I’d be honoured.”

“Who is your friend?” Castiel asked, gesturing to the still awestruck Sam.

“My brother Sam. Say hi Sam.” Dean teased as Sam just continued to stand there.

“Hello Sam.” Castiel stepped to the side so he could see Sam fully. The younger Winchester stared open mouthed, his lips twisting upwards in a shocked smiled.

“Oh My God.”

Dean rolled his eyes at his brother’s sudden lack of words.

“Oh, err… I didn’t mean to. Sorry. It’s an honour.” Sam babbled, finally moving towards Castiel who simply stood and watched Dean’s babbling brother. “I know so much about you… I mean, no that’s weird….errrmm, you were my favourite fighter to watch, still are actually, the way you take a hit is like nothing else and the respect you have for your opponent is amazing and I’m going to shut up now.”

Sam, flushed with embarrassment, took a step back and bowed his head a little. How a 6ft 4 man could make himself look so small Dean would never know.

Castiel smiled slightly in amusement. “Nice to meet you Sam.” Cas extended his hand and Sam looked up in shock and disbelief, before taking it.

“Sorry, we’ll let you get back to it.” Dean said with a smile, rolling his eyes at his kid brother.

“Benny and I were going out to lunch. Perhaps the two of you would like to join us?” Castiel asked.

Sam looked hopefully at Dean and then back to Castiel, clearly not able to form words.

“Well, sure man if its no trouble.”

“Come on in.” Castiel beckoned with a smile.

They followed Cas into the back of the gym and realised it was much more than just a private training room, it was half the size of the gym again, with its own locker room and a ring. The decoration was lacking, and the lighting was stingy even with the alley door still open allowing daylight to bleed in. The electric lighting was yellow and dim to the point of being useless, but low and behold there was a split punching bag lying on the floor amongst the other equipment., which made Dean’s lips turn upwards.

“I heard you broke a bag. Thought it must have been a heavyweight with anger management issues until you stepped into the ring.” He chuckleled.

“Yes, I must remember to wire the money to Benny for that.” Castiel remembered and typed a memo clumsily in his phone.

“This place is amazing; is this your own private bit of the gym or something?” Sam asked, still taking it in.

“It wasn’t just me, usually is now though. Benny used to have a string of Class fighters a few years back, all gone now for one reason or another.”

“I thought you used to train under Crowley?” Dean questioned, and the mood changed instantly with Sam shaking his head furiously behind Castiel. “Sorry did I touch a nerve?” Dean raised his hands

“It’s ok, you weren’t to know. Crowley and I… had a disagreement, let’s just say.”

“I won’t mention it again.” Dean said solemnly.

“I would appreciate that.” Cas smiled, the tension leaving his shoulders. He pulled his kit bag out of his locker and started routing through it. “I did my last year of training in this place. Benny calls it purgatory for a reason.” He chuckled fondly.

“His reputation proceeds him. I hear he’s quite the demon trainer.”

“More like a vampire if you ask me. He loves to watch you bleed and isn’t afraid to do it himself. Meg on the other hand, she definitely is a demon. That woman is ferocious.” Cas chuckled.

“Yeah tell me about it.”

“I take it you’ve met then.” Cas smirked.

Dean huffed. “You could say.”

“Benny fights?” Sam asked, catching Castiel’s reference.

“Not anymore, but sometimes he’ll spar with me. He was MMA not boxing back in the day, but it doesn’t half transfer.”

“I’d bet.” Dean smiled.

“I need to take a shower, make yourselves at home.”

“Cheers man.” Dean smiled and sat down on the bench in the corner.

……………………………..

Sam bounced a ball against the wall in a rhythmic and continuous action which was started to grate of Dean’s nerves slightly.

“Dude takes long showers.” Dean whined. It had been at least 25 minutes since the man had disappeared into the locker room.

“Just because you want to be in there with him.” Sam chuckled.

“Says you fanboy.” Dean snarled and threw a dirty towel at his brother.

“Dude gross! And it wasn’t me having eye sex with him out there.” Sam teased.

“What are you talking about?” Dean scoffed.

“Nothing.” Sam sighed suggestively, and Dean elected to ignore him.

Dean lay back on a bench and stared at a stain on the ceiling which looked suspiciously like blood with a grimace. Maybe Cas wasn’t kidding about Benny being a vampire. And when had he started calling him Cas?

“Why did he always wear a shirt in the ring?” Dean asked Sam, trying to take his mind off the blood stain and the memories it was threatening to bring back.

“Who, Castiel?”

“Yeah. Bit weird isn’t it? Fighters always love showing off their muscle and it must have slowed him down.”

“Some people say it was a modesty thing, to go in with his angel symbology but he never really took interviews, so nobody knows for sure save him.”

“What no bashing his opponents after he slaughtered him in the ring?” Dean scoffed. “What sort of boxer is he?”

“He’s different Dean, which you’d know if you’d seen more than his final fight.”

“Ok, Ok Superfan.”

“He was always respectful, never bought into that whole face off before a match, he just got in the ring, fought, shook hands and left. He’d do a 30seconds piece after a fight and always praised his opponent, but he didn’t after the fight with the Archangel for some reason.”

“Huh. That’s pretty cool.”

“Yeah he is.”

“Still he better hurry up I’m starving.”

“You and your stomach.”

Dean was just about to ask his deal was with Crowley when the door form the main room burst open.

“What are you two chuckle heads doing here, this is private!” Meg barged into the back room and glowered at the two men, before she recognised Dean.

“Winchester.” She growled. “What are you doing in here?”

“Erm…”

“Relax Meg I invited them.” Castiel poked his head around the door of the private locker room and Meg rolled her eyes. “Of course, you did. Looking a little peaky there Clarence.”

Meg looked Castiel up and down, taking particular note of the way his coat was simply laid over one shoulder and he was only wearing it on one arm.

“Oh Clarence, do you need some help?” She sighed.

“It would be appreciated.” He grunted, this time not concealing a whisper of pain from entering his tone.

Dean stood up sharply, frowning in concern. “Are you ok Cas?”

“It’s fine Dean, I’ll just be a moment.”

“Benny, can you get some ice?” Meg yelled into the gym at the other side, before gently pushing Cas back into the locker room.

“What’s going on?” But Sam’s voice seemed to fall on deaf ears.

“Not again.” Benny grumbled as he pushed through the door urgently which slammed into the wall as he marched into the room carrying a bag of ice. Otherwise he ignored the two others in the room.

“Should we…” Dean started.

“If he wanted our help he’d have asked for it Dean, we barely know him.”

Dean shrugged and sat down, then a stifled yelp through the door had him snapped back to his feet. A few moments later the three of them re-emerged from the locker room and Castiel was fully dressed, although his clothing was rather strange.

“Dude, you ok?” Dean asked, in concern, taking in the suit, tie and…. Was that a tan trench coat. Where the hell were they going out for lunch that required a suit?

“I apologise. I have chronic shoulder instability.” Cas explained.

“What?” Dean asked, not having a clue what that meant.

“My shoulder has a habit of dislocating from time to time.” Cas sighed.

“Christ Cas, do you need a lift home?” Dean asked.

“No, I am fine, this is a fairly regular occurrence ad I have become accustomed to it.”

“Yeah, far too regular.” Benny mumbled. “You coming to lunch boys?”

“If that’s ok, we don’t want to impose.”

“Nonsense come on.” Benny beckoned. “You keep that ice on for at least an hour and no training for 2 weeks. I don’t want to see you back here.”

“1 week.”

“9 days and that’s final.”

“Fine.” Cas huffed, but he seemed in no mood to make a scene.

“Usual Place?” Benny asked Cas over his shoulder.

“Sure.” Cas sighed, rolling his shoulder.

“Quit it. Let it settle or you’ll pop the damn thing out again.”

Sam and Dean looked at each other, trying to escape the awkwardness of the situation when there was a thwack which caught their attention. The ice pack Cas had been pressing to his shoulder slapped hard into the back of Benny’s head.

The look on Benny’s face instantly told Cas, that injured or not, he wasn’t going to get away with that. Cas just raised his eyebrows playfully, challenging the shorter man. Benny charged, and Cas just ducked out of the way lazily, then dropped, placing his good hand on the floor he swiped out Benny’s legs with sharp kick and bounced back to his feet, leaving Benny sprawled out on his front on the sidewalk.

“Meg’s been teaching you dirty tricks again.” Benny growled as Cas chuckled and offered his good arm to help Benny up.

“You’re getting slow.”

“That’s because I’m too busy looking after all you idiots to get any training in.” Benny chuckled as he brushed himself off and then shoved Cas gently in the chest.

“I’d say its more the beers you drink all day.”

“Watch it Cher!”

“Eh, guys that isn’t the place we were going for lunch is it?” Sam asked as he saw a diner with painted over windows and a few trucks parked outside.

“Oh shit.” Benny grimaced. Closed for renovation was marked on the door. “Anyone got any other suggestions?” Benny huffed.

“Roadhouse?” Sam offered, looking at Dean.

“I’ll go get baby, just stay put.” Dean said, turning away and jogging off down the street.

“Baby?” Cas frowned in confusion.

“Dean’s Car.” Sam rolled his eyes. “We know a good place, a few miles away, so Dean’s gone to get his car.”

“Sounds good. Novak isn’t picky.” Benny said with a flick of the eyebrows that suggested some sort of in joke between the two of them. This was confirmed by Cas’ returning scowl, which Benny just chuckled.

There was the sound of a car horn as the sleek black outline of the Impala rolled into view.

“That’s our ride, jump in the back.” Sam smiled as he slid into the front seat.

“Nice wheels.” Benny whistled lowly.

“She’s my baby and she’s perfect.”

“Oh, please for the love of God don’t encourage him.” Sam whined, but Dean ignored him.

“You into cars Benny?” Dean asked.

“Hell yes.” Benny responded enthusiastically.

“That’s awesome. So actually, I had to build Baby back from the ground up after we got side swiped by an 40 tonne truck…”

………………………


	3. Chapter 3

After the inevitable lesson on the history of Baby, Sam and Benny were lost in conversation when they arrived at the roadhouse, but Dean noticed Cas’ struggle keeping hold of the ice and trying to clamber out the back of the car. Dean hopped out the driver’s seat and offered the man a hand. Cas looked at it, seemingly debating whether or not to put aside his pride and accept it or struggle on. To Dean’s delight he decided on the former, giving Dean a nod of thanks while he opened and closed his hand, giving his bad shoulder a little roll.

“Take it easy Cas.” Dean said gently.

“It will be fine. It helps to keep it moving a little.”

“Sure.” Dean nodded, but neither of them seemed to have the desire to make a move to go inside as their eyes met again. Dean couldn’t make out what the other man was thinking, he was too hypnotised, lost in the mesmerising blue orbs that were locked onto him.

“You called me Cas?”

“Hmmm, what?” Dean snapped himself out of it, to realise Cas had said something.

“Twice, in the locker room and now here. You called me Cas, not Castiel.”

“Yeah, I guess I did, sorry man is that not ok?” Dean looked at the floor and shifted nervously.

“No.” Cas said slowly. “It is ok.” He nodded. “Just different.”

“Cool.” Dean smiled and went to tap him on the shoulder, but he realised just in time to sharply pull his hand away. “Sorry man.”

Cas chuckled. “It’s ok. I should thank you for remembering.”

“Are you two coming in or you going to stay out here all afternoon?”

“Sorry Benny.” Cas chuckled and pushed away from the Impala with his good arm.

“There’s Dean.” Ellen smiled as the pair arrived. “Now I know you’ll want your usual.” She smiled wrly.

“Yes, thanks Ellen.”

“But what about your friend?”

“Ellen this is Castiel Novak, Cas this is Ellen, she owns the place and her daughter Jo is over there behind the bar. Is Ash in?”

“Always.” Ellen rolled her eyes. “I’ll tell him you’re all here.”

“So, what can I get for you Castiel?” Ellen asked as Cas put the menu down, having barely glanced over it.

“Surprise me.” He shrugged.

“That’s brave.” Jo laughed from behind the bar.

“I’m not picky.” Cas said, shooting Benny a glare.

………………………………

Cas didn’t say much at lunch and although he insisted he was fine, he looked pale and tired and didn’t eat much. The worried looks that Benny was giving him were mirrored by Dean’s. The pair of them kept staring at each other which both Sam and Benny definitely noticed. What Sam also noticed was that Dean and Benny got on like a house on fire.

It was nice to see his brother out the house and looking a little happier with life. Sam should have been living with his fiancé in the city, not still holed up with his brother in a crumby apartment, but he daren’t leave him. Not again. Dad had drunk himself into an early grave and Dean had more demons he would care to admit, but maybe there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Or was it an angel he mused to himself?

Benny decided to walk home, but specifically told Castiel he was to going to get a lift with the brothers.

“Aren’t you afraid we might be serial killers, Cas.” Dean asked as Castiel climbed into the back seat with the two men he’d only known a few hours.

“Why would I be afraid you are serial killers?” Cas cocked his head in confusion and Sam laughed heartily.

“How’s that burn Dean?” Sam chuckled.

“Fair point.” Dean shook his head and flashed a smile at Cas through the rear-views mirror.

“I don’t understand, Dean you are injured?”

“No Cas I… Sammy he meant metaphorically, you know?”

“I do not know.” Cas stated plainly.

It took 15 minutes to finally bring Cas up to speed on the joke that they’d thought he’d made and the subsequent joke which the man seemed to find amusing in the end. They pulled up to Cas’ house, which was well, the complete opposite of what Dean expected. The Guy was a world champion, but the house was barely grander than the motel room they’d live in three years ago. A glance inside told Dean it was clean, neat and modern but again very modestly decorated. He was shocked as was Sam evidently, but then again, it was Cas and they were quickly learning that he was anything but normal.

“Hey, Castiel, before you go…” Sam stepped out of the car and ok a few steps away, so Dean couldn’t hear.

“Yes Sam.” Cas smiled. He looked tired and Sam felt a little guilty.

“I just wanted to apologise, for when we met, I was a bumbling idiot and I probably made you feel uncomfortable.”

“Sam, it’s ok, it happens. Believe me I behave far more awkwardly than that given the opportunity. I think the scene in the car was evidence of that.”

“Well anyway dude, I hope that shoulder fixes up. Have you thought about surgery?” He added as an afterthought.

“I am scheduled in a few months, but it is a low priority injury.”

“That’s great, well fingers crossed, I’ll go before you think I’m stalking you.”

“Goodbye Sam.” Cas chuckled.

“See you round, Castiel.”

…………………………………

“What did you say to Cas before he left?” Dean asked curiously as he flopped down on the sofa, taking up its full length.

“I was apologising for being a total dork earlier.”

“He’s probably used to wierdos like you harassing him.”

“Shut up Dean.”

“Chill out bitch I’m only messing.”

Dean lay his head back gently and closed his eyes. He forgot what it was like to ache like this. To hurt all over, but somehow it was satisfying

“Oh My God!”

“What?” Dean was on his feet in an instant running over to Sam’s open bag, which his brother was looking at in shock. What was it, acid, a bomb, a severed head….

“It’s a bunch of signed stuff, Castiel must have slipped it in my bag, I…”

Dean rifled through the stuff, a signed poster, WBC hat and a glove which Cas had been wearing the day before in their sparring match. Most of it was just a signature, but there was an inscription on the poster.

Sam,

It was nice to meet a fan, but better to make a friend.

Castiel

 

“Be careful don’t crease it!” Sam snatched the poster back from Dean.

“This is awesome.” Dean exclaimed.

“What a nice guy, I am so going to frame this stuff.”

Sam disappeared into his bedroom grinning from ear to ear while Dean hauled his bag onto the table ready to get out his stuff to throw in the washer. He was digging around in the bottom for his towel when he found he had three gloves instead of two. Damn, he must have picked up someone else’s by accident. But then he saw it too had black writing scrawled on it.

Dean,

Its been a long time since someone challenged me.

I look forward to our next. You’re always welcome in the back room.

Cas

“Oh My God.” He exclaimed quietly.

It was the left-hand glove, Cas was a southpaw. He was holding the glove that had done most of the damage to his damn ribs he thought in amusement. Cas’ handwriting was immaculate and flowing, angelic even he scoffed to himself.

“What you got? Is that from Cas too?”

“Apparently.” Dean said in awe.

“Wow dude, that is so cool.”

“Yeah, it is a bit.”

“I think he likes you.” Sam said, non-suggestively.

“Huh. We just made friends with The Angel.”

“It seems we did. When are you at the gym next?”

“Cas won’t be there for over a week Sammy, Benny banned him with his shoulder.”

“Yeah, I know, but I mean, today was fun, even without meeting Castiel and well, it was nice to spend some time with you.”

“You’re not taking up boxing.” Dean scoffed. He knew his brother hated the sport.

“No, no way, but Benny also does standard gym memberships to use the weights, so I thought I might do that and tag along with you.”

“Yeah.” Dean smiled. “That would cool.”

…………………………………….

It had felt so good to get back into training. On the one hand Dean was desperate to get back into that ring with Cas, on the other hand, the guy had a dislocated shoulder. Next time he stepped into the ring he wanted to feel like himself again, he wanted to be fit, strong, give Cas a real fight and he didn’t want Cas to be off his game either. He wanted a fair fight. But how could he get that with the no head shot rule in place? I mean torso hits only… the whole point of boxing was to hit the other guy so hard in the head he was knocked on his ass. Well, in Dean’s mind anyway. And what’s more that rule only seemed to apply when he fought Cas. Rufus, Tyler, Vincent, he fought them regularly but no rules other than the usual. So, Benny was worried about Cas hurting people? Yes, he was strong, but Cas showed a huge amount of restraint in the ring. It was strange, but then again, everything was in this place. And Dean liked it.

It had been 8 days since they’d dropped Cas at his house. Benny had said 9 before he’d be allowed back in the gym and if he knew Cas, he’d be there at opening tomorrow morning, probably queuing at the door waiting for Benny to open up. It was a quiet time of day, 2pm. Most people were working, but Dean’s job at the garage was very much when people booked in and today, he had no bookings till 5. Benny was in the office doing paperwork and there were a couple of retired guys keeping to themselves in the corner while Dean worked the bags.

Dean turned back to face the punching bag as he started his attack on it for the third time when Meg walked past. She was covered in sweat, clearly having been training in the private room.

“You work too hard Winchester.” Meg grunted as she passed him. “You’re just getting back into it, you keep at it like this you’ll just get injured.”

Somehow the way she said that made it sound like a death threat. He turned to glare at her when he noticed the black ink on her shoulder and he turned away, biting his tongue. He hoped he’d never see that mark again.

“You don’t like me do you.” Dean grunted. He didn’t know where it had come from, but obviously his brain had been unable to let the women walk away.

“I think it’s you that doesn’t like me.” Meg countered.

“You’re Azazel’s friend and your tattoo… you run for the hellions.” Dean punched the bag harder and wished the woman would go away before she got her face broken, by his fists.

“Ever heard of you shouldn’t judge a book?” Meg huffed. “Clarence never does that. Probably why he’s the only person in this joint who doesn’t treat me like the dirt on their shoe.”

“There’s a reason I don’t mix with people like you.”

“Fine I have a hellions Tatt, I used to train with Azazel. I never said I was his friend. You just assumed that. You have no idea who I am or what I’ve been through Winchester so why don’t you keep your prejudices to yourself.”

Dean stopped and sighed heavily. Meg had a point, but she was already storming off down the gym. “Look Meg.” He called her back. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I didn’t give you a chance and I don’t know you. But what I do know about you, you aren’t the emotional type. Somethings wrong isn’t it?”

“Like you care.” Meg snarled.

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t, but you must know someone who will. Talk to them, or take it out on a bag, whatever. Just don’t let it eat you up.” Dean said, turning to walk back to the punch bag before Meg could attempt to bite his head off again.

It wasn’t 5 minutes before the familiar mop of raven hair walked into the gym, looking around cautiously. He was wearing a hoody with the hood up, which Dean thought was strange.

“Hey…” Dean stopped short in his greeting as Cas pushed a frantic finger to his lips in a plea for silence and Dean understood. There was a reason Cas hadn’t come in the back door as usual and that was because he wasn’t supposed to be here. Dean winked at him in understanding and mouthed ‘moms the word.’

Cas seemed to decide the coast was clear and made a beeline for the private room at the back. He didn’t get far.

“No! Go home.” Benny was out of the office like a flash. He must have seen Cas on the CCTV. Dean had spotted cameras over every inch of the gym and there had also been one in the back alley and the private gym.

Cas pulled the hood down in annoyance, but regained his composure, putting on a façade of confusion with the customary little head tilt that Dean couldn’t help but smile when he saw.

“Why?” Cas asked and Dean nearly snorted. Cas clearly couldn’t lie for shit.

“You know damn well why, come back tomorrow.” Benny growled.

“It’s been 9 days.” Cas protested.

“It’s been 8.” Benny threw back calmly, folding his arms.

Cas’ jaw clenched up and his eyes flashed dangerously. Dean frowned. He hadn’t seen Cas get angry, in fact, he’d barely seen him show any emotion at all. Benny seemed to have read something into this because he was suddenly looking worried.

“Office now. You need to calm down.”

“Fine.” Cas followed him in and soon disappeared out of sight.

It was a good half hour before Cas came out of the back room looking calmer but equal parts frustrated and dejected.

“Hey man, you ok?”

“Yeah, just stir crazy I guess.”

“I get it man.” Deal smiled. And boy did he. Normal people didn’t understand what it was like to be an athlete, how one single day not training can completely screw with your head and make you want to tear your hair out. For Cas it had been over a week with nothing to focus on.

“Shoulder ok?” Dean asked lightly.

“As it can be.” Cas smiled weakly.

“Is that why you retired?” He pried gently.

“No. It is fixable through surgery.” Cas’ tone made it clear he didn’t want to talk about it.

“Oh yeah, you going to have it?”

“In a month or so.”

“Great.” Dean smiled. “If you’re stir crazy man you should come out with me and Sam tonight for a drink or something. Shouldn’t stay cooped up, you’ll go mad.”

Cas took a moment to consider. “Yes, I think I would like that.” He nodded slowly and smiled and how warm it made Dean feel inside to see that smile.

“Well, I got some work to do tonight, man’s bringing in a car into the garage, but if you give me your number I can give you a text when I’m done.”

“You’re a mechanic?” Cas asked intrigued.

“Yeah. It was my dream since I was a kid.” Dean smiled.

“Not boxing?”

“No, definitely not boxing.” Dean sighed.

“It’s good you get to do it now. Life’s too short not to follow your dreams.” Cas smiled, realising the need to change the subject. “I don’t know my number, I don’t often use my cell, could you put yours in?”

“Yeah sure.”

Cas handed over a very simple flip phone, which made Dean smile a little. He typed his number in, saved it under Dean Winchester and then fired off a text to himself.

“I sent myself a text from your phone, so I have your number as well.”

“Thank you. Better go before Benny chases me out with his shotgun.” Cas nodded, putting his phone back in his bag

“He has a shotgun back there?”

“He has many guns And a machete.” Cas smiled.

“OK, nice to know.” Dean chuckled then catching a glimpse of Meg re-entering from the locker room he felt the need to say something. “Hey Cas, before you go…”

“What is it Dean?”

“You’re friends with Meg, right?”

“Yes.”

“I think something’s up with her, she was acting weird earlier and she might need someone to talk to.”

Cas’ face darkened in concern as his piercing blue eyes locked onto Meg like a missile targeting system.

“Thank you, Dean, I will deal with it.” He grunted, immediately turning to approach the small and angry looking women.

“Meg.” Cas called her attention and quickly scrutinised her expression, clearly coming to a deduction. “Something’s wrong.” He stated with certainty.

She scoffed and tried to walk away. “Nothing’s wrong I’m fine.” She grumbled venomously.

“I don’t believe you.” He stepped to block her path and her eyes flashed angrily.

“Go home Clarence.” She growled.

“Meg.” He said firmly, without raising his voice. He grabbed her arm sharply, preventing her from going any further and Dean took a breath. He expected Meg to lash out, he was damn certain she would, but she didn’t. She stopped. The tension melted from her shoulders as Cas stood firm and damn… Dean wouldn’t want to mess with Cas like this, but there was no aggression in his frame. He was just an immovable wall that demanded respect.

“Talk to me.” It was more an order than a request.

Meg sighed, and Cas finally let go of her arm, but she didn’t move away. Instead she pulled herself into his chest. Cas frowned in worry he wrapped an arm around her back and pulled up her chin, getting her to look him in the eye. Dean was as shocked as Cas seemed apparently, to see that there were tears in Meg’s eyes. Cas quickly pulled Meg into a tight hug, resting his chin on the top of her head and rubbing her back comfortingly. Something unknown flashed across his features and he gently pushed her away to whisper something in her ear.

Meg nodded, and they started moving towards the private part of the gym when Benny burst out of the office again.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going, I told you to split?” Benny said, for the first time seeming genuinely annoyed.

“Not now Benny.” Cas practically growled, dangerous and low. His voice rumbled like thunder, but Benny seemed oblivious to the situation.

“Go home Novak.” Benny ordered.

“I said not now!” Cas yelled, and the room vibrated. Dean stopped dead, chills running through him as Cas guided Meg through the door and disappeared out of sight.

Benny stood there in shock, everyone in the gym was staring in shock and confusion.

“Ok what just happened?” Benny asked Dean, still trying to ground himself.

“I don’t know exactly, but Meg’s been upset all day. I told Cas and she was crying Benny.”

“Meg was crying?” Benny looked at Dean like he’d just told him he was a Martian.

“I’m not joking Benny.”

“Shit. Ok, we give them their space I guess.” He shrugged.

“Benny?”

“Yes brother.”

“What is it with Meg and Cas, she his girlfriend or something.”

Benny chuckled. “Brother, I haven’t got a clue. Those two, one minute they are fighting like cats and dogs, next I think he’s going to tear out some guys throat just because they insulted her.”

“Huh.” Dean turned his attention back to unwrapping his hands and shrugged his shoulders.

“If I’m honest brother, they’re more like a highly dysfunctional brother and sister than lovers. I think Meg’s interested in him maybe, but he doesn’t seem into her in that way. In case you were thinking about making a move.”

“A move? Benny, I don’t swing that way.” Dean scoffed.

“Sure thing.” Benny gave him a wry smile.

“No really, I don’t.” Dean said defensively.

“Sorry.” Benny apologised and held up his hands. “I’m in the office if anything kicks off.”

…………………………….

Nothing did ‘kick off’ but there was no sign of Cas and Meg coming out before he left. He fixed the oil leak on an old pick up and locked up the shop before finally heading home for the day.

“Hey Sammy, you home?”

“Yes Dean.”

“What you doing?”

“Reading through case notes for the trial next week.”

“Is it urgent?”

“Not really, why?”

“Just wondered if you fancy going out for a drink. Cas needs to get out the house.”

“Yeah sure. Did you see him, I thought he wasn’t allowed back in the gym with his shoulder till tomorrow?”

“He was at the gym today, before Benny tried to kick him out.” Dean glossed over the whole Meg incident.

“Fair enough, what time?”

“I just left it open, I’ll text him now if you’re ready?”

“You have his number?” Sam smiled.

“Yeah, what about it?” Dean stood up straighter and Sam just chuckled.

“Nothing Man, I’ll just put something on that’s less lawyer.”

“Please do.”

Dean pulled out his phone and opened the chat with Cas.

Dean: Still fancy that drink?

It took a few moments, but for someone who didn’t use a cell much Cas was clearly sitting by his phone to reply that fast. Dude must be desperate to get out of the house.

Cas: Yes.

Dean: Well I can come pick you up if you want. See you in 20minutes?

Cas: That would be good.

………………………………

Cas was withdrawn throughout the time they were at the Roadhouse and seemed lost in thought, sad even. Sam seemed to know exactly what to say to make him forget about it as much as he could, but whatever was wrong was eating at him badly and Dean had a habit of putting his foot in it so he was trying to give any potentially upsetting topic a wide berth.

Dean noticed how Cas hovered in the passenger seat when Dean went to drop him off home after the engine rumbled to a halt.

“You’ve been lost in thought all day.” Dean smiled, hoping that Cas would open up without too much awkwardness.

“I apologise I have not been good company. Thank you for asking me to join you both.”

“Not at all. It was nice having you Cas, I just, I get it must have been a shitty day for you and I want to know you are ok.”

Cas nodded and smiled. “I am ok. I am worried about Meg and it brings up memories I would rather not recall or speak about.”

“That’s ok.” Dean comforted. “It’s probably none of my business, and she hates me, but is Meg Ok?”

“She doesn’t hate you particularly Dean, she hates everyone.” Cas sighed.

“Apart from you.”

“Yes, for some reason I do not understand we are close.

“Well they say opposites attract.”

Cas smiled and shook his head. “Her brother was killed last night.”

“That’s horrible. Killed?”

“Yes. The hellions. Meg left them years ago after you put Azazel out the picture, but Tom, her brother, didn’t want to leave despite our best attempts.”

Dean was silent for a moment. He hadn’t missed the way Cas had said ‘ _our_ best attempts’, but whether it was slip up, or on purpose, he decided it was best to skip over it.

“I really wish someone would wipe those Assholes off the face of the earth.” Dean growled.

“I believe that is what Meg wishes to do. She thinks she could end them single-handedly. She is smart and strong and should not be underestimated, but I cannot see her hurt more than she is already.”

“I can get that.”

“You have had dealings with the hellions.” Cas said knowingly, Dean’s anger towards them having made it clear.

“Hasn’t everyone in this city?”

“I suppose.”

“Now I can see why she was so pissy with me for bringing up her hellions tatt. No wonder she hates me.”

“I don’t think she knows whether to hate you or thank you.”

“I don’t follow?”

“I shouldn’t really say this, but Azazel is Meg’s father.”

“Wow, ok.” Dean recoiled in shock.

“You gave her a way out of a life she hated, away from a man she hated but…”

“He’s still her father.”

“Yes.”

“Right.”

“Please don’t tell her I said any of this. I don’t know why I did, but you are easy to talk to Dean.”

“I swear Cas I wouldn’t betray you like that.”

“I trust you Dean.” Cas smiled. And he meant it.

………………………………


	4. Chapter 4

“Damn it Man I thought I was getting better!”

Dean had been in training for three weeks. He felt stronger, faster, hell it had been less than a month but he already felt like he was in touching distance of his old self. But clearly, he’d been wrong.

“I thought you did pretty well.” Sam smiled, his words genuine. “I haven’t seen you move like that in a long time. And you are fighting a world champion after all.”

“Last time I lasted 3 rounds, this time I lasted 3 again!”

“But Cas was moving slower last time, you said he told you himself. He definitely wasn’t going slow today Dean.”

“I guess.” Dean sighed. Maybe he was just being unrealistic. It had only been a month after all and results don’t come overnight.

Dean looked over at Cas who was engaged in a discussion with Benny who kept pointing and motioning towards his head. Cas hadn’t spoken to him all morning, it was probably just how he was before a sparring match, some people could be real ass-wipes till the fight was over… not that Cas was being an ass and the guy was usually quiet…

“Man, usually Novak just wipes people out in a couple of hits. I’ve not seen someone keep pace with him like that for a long time.” Some guy, Rufus he thought he name was, was trying to offer him advice or consolation, but Dean was more focused on trying to hear what Benny was saying to Cas. He had a feeling something wasn’t right, Cas looked edgy, frustrated even.

“I know you can move faster than that. You move faster than that around the damn punch bag when you’re warming up!” Benny growled at him. What was with Benny being so harsh on the guy? A) He was a legend and B) he was retired so what did it matter if he performed.

“That’s because I don’t have to wear the headguard!” Cas snapped, and Dean frowned.

“The headguard doesn’t slow you down.” Benny said slowly and clearly.

“It does.” Cas huffed.

“It doesn’t.” Benny sighed. “It only makes you more aware of the problem. You’re not going to break by moving fast Novak, you can do better.”

“What’s the point?” Cas shrugged.

“Excuse me?” Now Benny looked generally angry, a flare in his eyes that Dean hadn’t seen before.

“What’s the point in moving faster, I am not actually going to fight anyone, I can’t!”

“Get back in there.” Benny ordered, eyes flashing in anger.

“What?” Cas scoffed.

“Get back in there and move like you know you can move.” Benny pointed to the ring and thrust the gloves back into Cas’ chest. Cas hesitated. “I’m not asking!” Benny demanded.

Cas’ face went from pissed, to shocked, to worried and finally settled on acceptance as he put on his gloves. And Dean didn’t like the combination of emotions Cas was showing.

“Dean, do you mind going for just a few more minutes?” Dean had been so focused on Cas that he hadn’t seen Benny approach and it made him jump violently.

“No ok, sure. Is he ok?” Dean asked.

“Don’t worry about him, he’s just being a brat. You need to switch your head off.” Benny said sincerely. “You had good instincts back in the day Winchester and they don’t just disappear overnight. Stop overthinking every little move he makes, just relax and trust yourself.”

Dean nodded and soon he was facing Cas again, but the guy didn’t look comfortable in the slightest. Benny’s advice helped, but boy was he right. Cas could move faster than he had been, but Dean was finally anticipating the shots like he used to. Dean made a quick couple of jabs when he saw a gap, one of which Cas had to swerve very harshly to avoid and Dean let a smile come to his lips. He was finally getting somewhere, but damn he was surprised Cas had managed to duck that last shot. He forgot how the lower weight classes could make you look like you were standing still sometimes.

But as Dean circled to keep his distance before his opponent struck again he realised that Cas looked shook... almost dizzy. Dean was torn between homing in the advantage, or checking the guy was alright. Something was wrong, Dean’s gut was telling him, but he could feel Sam and Benny urging him to make the move.

“Stop.” Cas said shakily and backed away, holding up a hand to keep Dean back. Dean backed off and held up both hands instantly to show the other man he was safe.

“Novak?” Benny asked, but Cas was already over the ropes and taking his headguard off with extreme caution.

Dean moved over swiftly, pulling off a glove so he could put a hand on Cas’ shoulder through the ropes

“You ok?”

“I am fine, you did nothing wrong.” Cas said simply, looking Dean quickly in the eye to show his sincerity, and quickly walked off before Benny could skirt round the outside of the ring and get a hold of him. Benny however continued to pursue Cas out the back while Dean slid out of the ring and stood next to his brother.

“What’s wrong with Cas?” Sam asked, concern etched in his features.

“I don’t know.” Dean shrugged.

Meg walked in through the front door as the murmur of shock and concern was rippling through the gym. She took one look at Dean and the clear absence in the room, before she started to run in the direction she knew Cas would have gone.

“What the hell is going on?” Dean asked no one in particular.

Sam started walking in the direction of the private area and Dean quickly ran to catch him up. “Hey, what are you doing?”

“Going to make sure he’s ok.”

“Benny’s going to kick our asses, there’s a reason they all go back there, it’s private!”

“Since when have you been scared of Benny. They might need our help.”

As Dean and Sam opened the door and stepped inside they caught the tail end of a conversation.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” Benny demanded. “Now I just look like an asshole for making you get back in there!”

“I’m fine.” Cas said dejectedly. “And you didn’t make me do anything.”

“Ok Mr. Independent, but you’re not fine, you should be in bed.”

Cas didn’t reply to that, just rubbed his head protectively before catching himself and putting them back in his lap.

“I’m taking you home now.” Meg told him gently, but in a way that he couldn’t refuse. He nodded stiffly and made a move to get up before Meg put a hand on his chest to stop him. “I’ll get your stuff. Where is it?”

“Bag in the gym, rucksack in my locker. I think I left my water bottle on the floor somewhere.”

“I’ll find it.” Meg stood up from where she’d been crouched in front of Cas and slid out of the room.

“Everything ok?” Sam took the opportunity to announce themselves.

“Thanks Boys, but its fine.”

Cas didn’t say anything, he just stared at an invisible spot on the wall.

“Sure.” Sam nodded and gently tugged Dean out of the room.

……………………………

The last thing Dean was expecting the next morning was a text from Cas.

Cas: Are you free Today?

Dean: Yeah, sure. All day. What’s up?

Cas: Need to get out the house.

Dean: Sure, bit early for a drink… the roadhouse?

Cas: I could use a running partner.

Dean balked a little.

Dean: I might be a bit slow for you, but if you can put up with me then sure.

Cas: You won’t be too slow. Meet at the Park in 30.

Dean: See you then.

Apart from greetings and a little idle chatter they were largely silent for the hour of their run. Dean was pleasantly surprised to find that he wasn’t having too much trouble keeping up with Cas, but he was relieved when they finally ground to a halt near a bench and Cas sat down.

They were silent for a moment as they caught their breath, but Cas finally broke the quiet.

“I suppose you want to know what happened yesterday.” Cas sighed.

“Well I would man, obviously, but I can tell that’s something you don’t want to talk about. You don’t owe me anything man, as long as you’re ok?”

“I am ok.” Cas nodded.

“Then that’s all I need to know, unless you want me to know more?”

Cas considered this carefully and then looked up and Dean a little guiltily. “I… it’s not that I don’t trust you Dean. I do consider you a friend and I do not have many of those. You and your brother have been incredibly kind to me…”

“Cas, you don’t have to explain. You’re not ready its ok, I’m not offended.”

“Thank you, Dean. You are very understanding. I had… something happened the morning before the sparring match, I should not have attempted to fight that day, it was foolish.”

“Yeah well, I’m not big on sharing my own problems and I hate when people badger me about them, so I aint about to do it to you.”

“When you say people, you mean your brother?”

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

“He cares for you a lot, and you don’t mention any other family.”

“Well yeah, you’re right there. Not many of us Winchesters left. Do you have family?”

“I have many relatives, but I wouldn’t consider us a family.” Cas said sadly.

“Touché. Family don’t end in blood; my uncle Bobby always says.”

“Your uncle is very wise.”

“He is. And the fact he aint our real uncle kind of proves that point. He was closest thing to a father me and Sam ever had.”

“The other day you said boxing wasn’t your dream, you were forced into it?” Cas asked.

“Essentially, yah I suppose. It’s a very long story, but Dad wanted me to fight and I hated it to be honest.”

“Why come back then?”

“It’s all I know. It’s a good workout and it wasn’t the training I didn’t enjoy, it was the matches. I didn’t like who I become when I fight. I don’t want to hurt people, not really but when you’re in the ring trying to win nothing else matter and when I’m like that…”

“You enjoy causing other’s pain and it feels wrong.”

“Exactly. Do you get the same thing?”

“I did once.” Cas said very sadly. “But I really don’t want to hurt people either. I do not enjoy it, it is just what the sport requires.”

“Yeah it does.”

Dean seriously needed to lighten the mood. “Benny wants me to start using the damn skipping rope.”

“It is very good for agility, but I sense you don’t like it.”

“Hate the damn thing, I just end up whipping myself with it or falling on my face.”

Cas chuckled. “I thought it was mandatory for boxers to be good at skipping.”

“Well I’m terrible and I don’t care. I don’t want to get better.”

“I’m afraid if Benny wants you to, you might have to.” Cas chuckled.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of.”

“You should come and do it in the back room. That way if you do fall on your face you won’t have such a large audience.”

“Just you.”

“Most likely.” Cas smiled.

“You just want to see me make a fool of myself.” Dean grinned.

“Maybe.” Cas shrugged and they both chuckled to themselves. “You are very easy to talk to Dean. It has been a long time since I have had someone to talk to who listens and understands me like you do.”

“Athlete’s are like aliens to normal people.”

“That we are.”

“You don’t talk to Meg? You two seem close.”

“Meg and I… we are very much opposites. Sometimes this is a good thing...”

“But you don’t really understand each other.” Dean finished.

“No.” Cas agreed. “It’s more of mutual acceptance. We do not judge each other, which makes a refreshing change as the rest of the world seems so eager to judge us.”

“Everyone’s a critic.”

“That they are.”

“We should make this regular.” Dean offered. “Sam’s always nagging me to run and exercise and eat healthy. Just because he frolics round like a moose and only eats grass doesn’t mean the whole world has to.”

“I usually run on alternate days, so it changes week to week, but if Sunday is convenient to you, we could make this a fixed day?” Cas offered.

“Nah man, don’t change your schedule. Saturdays, Sundays doesn’t matter which, I’m not at work usually, just send me a text on the Friday, because I guarantee I will forget otherwise.”

“I would like that. Running is a lonely sport.”

“Certainly is.”

……………………………………………

It was only a few days later when shit hit the fan. In fact, he wondered if the guy was ever at home. Dean knew he had an open invitation into the back of the gym with Cas, but today, the gym was completely empty and when he’d arrived Cas hadn’t been there. It didn’t feel right to just go in there on his own, so he stuck to the main room and got on with his training.

Sam was at work today, so Dean was a lone. If Dean wasn’t mistaken it should have been Cas’ running day, but he always popped his head into the gym afterwards. Maybe if Dean stuck around long enough he’d get some company from his new friend. The place was eerily quiet, and he wasn’t sure he like it. That was until Meg’s voice burst through into the main gym from the back room.

“Benny in here now!” Meg yelled, her voice was urgent and laced with a little panic.

Meg looked fraught, it was so unlike her, and Dean had thought he was alone. Maybe Cas was here already… and if he was, then that meant something was wrong. The door from the office slammed open and Benny shot across the room, running for Meg like his life depended on it.

Dean had no idea what was going on, but his heart was thudding in his chest as he approached the door to the back room cautiously.

“Benny?” Dean asked, as he stood at the door which was still open a crack, silently debating if he should do anything.

“Don’t come in Dean, we’ve got this handled.” Benny answered desperately.

“Ok, man.” Dean back away. He didn’t like not knowing what was going on, but he wasn’t about to get in the way of whatever was happening. He settled on the bench within earshot of the room and couldn’t help but listen to the sounds leaking through into the gym.

There were muffled noises and curses over the next few minutes and Dean just sat there like a lemon wondering what to do. It half sounded like someone, Cas most likely, was choking in there… shouldn’t have someone called an ambulance?

“Cas you back with us?” Dean was on his feet in an instant when he heard Benny’s voice. So, it was Cas in there… was he ok? There was a weak groan which had Dean stalking forward determinedly. What the hell was going on? Cas sounded hurt, he had to know…

“Meg go to the office and call an ambulance.” Dean heard Benny say urgently.

Dean stopped in his tracks as Meg opened the door and stopped for a moment, looking at Dean sympathetically. She looked for a moment like she was going to say something and then just shook her head and jogged across the gym and straight into the office.

“What’s happening?” Dean asked, still to o nervous to actually open the door fully so he could see what was happening.

“Nothing Winchester, it’s fine. Everyone just go take a shower.”

Dean nodded in concern.

“Benny, I don’t need an ambulance.” He heard Cas grumble.

“Sorry Novak, I’m not taking any chances.”

“You can’t just call an ambulance every time it happens, they won’t be able to do anything about it, nothing will have changed.” Cas whined, which was very out of character.

“I’m not taking the risk Angel boy.”

“Please Benny, I just want to go home.”

Benny sighed. “Fine. Ok Cas have it your way. Meg!”

“Yes Boss?”

“Cancel that ambulance, I’ll drive him home.”

“You have a PT appointment in 15mins.”

“Damn, could you?”

“Not even for Clarence, I have an appointment of my own to keep.”

“I’m done here, I can take him.” Dean offered.

“Thanks Dean but…”

“Dean can take me Benny; the world won’t end.”

Castiel walked into the main gym with a once white, but now heavily bloody towel held under his nose. He pulled on a hoody hurriedly, not looking anyone in the eye and trying very hard not to get blood on his clothes.

“You look after him Winchester.” Benny insisted, pulling him away from Cas who just slumped onto the bench and sat there looking awkward and dejected and incredibly tired.

“I will, anything I should know?” Dean asked as Benny turned his back on Cas and encouraged Dean to do the same so they could talk more privately.

“If you sense anything off, mood swings, staring off into space, fever… you turn around and drive him straight to the hospital no matter what he says, and you call me.” Benny instructed, sealing his seriousness by making intense eye contact.

“I got you.” Dean nodded turning to Cas, who Meg had now sat down next to and was holding the towel for him. Cas looked done. He was pale and a looked a little shaky as he and Meg chatted quietly, with Dean still none the wiser as to what the hell had just happened

“Is it still bleeding.” Cas huffed, reaching for his face, but Meg pulled his hand away.

“Not much.” Meg said, pulling the towel away from Cas’ face and wiping under his nose. It did look like the bleed was starting to stop but it was hard to tell with the mess of dried blood staining his ashen skin.

“That was my favourite towel.” Cas grumbled, tiredly. “Not too thick, not too thin, just the right softness...”

Dean frowned, Cas really didn’t seem all there, and he was acting pretty strange. He didn’t strike Dean as the sentimental type, especially over a towel and he was being awful whiny right now.

“Don’t worry Clarence, I’m really good at getting blood out of things. Do you want to give it to me and I’ll get it back all pearly white for you?” She smiled and ruffled his hair.

“You would do that?” Cas asked, looking at her in amazement.

“Sure Clarence.” She rolled her eyes, but he didn’t notice, he was already half asleep on her shoulder.

“Ok time to get you home.” Meg said, pulling him to his feet ignoring his reluctance. “He lives on York street, I’ll go with you if you’ll drop me at Jefferson FCU on the way?”

“Yeah sure, car’s out front, follow me.”

…………………..

The car journey was quiet. Cas looked like death warmed up and was mumbling stuff to Meg all the way leaning on her and clinging on for dear life. Dean had never seen his side to Meg before, it was like she actually cared about him and he had to admit, she was really damn good at it.

“Pull over here.” She said after a while and Dean obliged.

“Clarence you need to let go, I’ll come and see you later, but Dean is going to look after you.”

Cas grumbled, but reluctantly let go of Meg.

“Get him laid down and hydrated then let him rest. Benny will come round as soon as his PT appointment is done with.”

“Ok.” Dean nodded, and Meg turned back to Castiel who was resting his forehead in his palm and sighed heavily.

“Clarence, did you have anything to eat today?” She asked gently.

“Not yet.” Cas sighed.

Meg shook her head in annoyance. “You know that doesn’t help.” She grumbeled.

“Wasn’t hungry.” Cas shrugged.

“Yeah whatever, you eat something when you get inside, or else.”

“Fine.”

Meg looked at Dean who looked at him in scrutiny, seemingly deciding if he could be trusted.

“I got him Meg.” Dean assured her, but Meg remained unconvinced. “Look let me put my number in your phone and if you want an update call me?”

“Fine, yes.” She nodded, closing the back door with a final ruffle of Cas’ hair after Dean handed over a business card, without another word.

………………………….

“You want a hand Cas?” Dean asked as the car stopped and Cas opened the back door and hauled himself to his feet. He had brightened up a little since Meg had left, looking less doped to the eyeballs and more like he just pulled an all-nighter.

“I am ok Dean, I just need to rest.” Cas sighed, and Dean nodded, making sure he was only a few steps behind in case something should happen.

Cas moved very slowly towards the house, fumbling with his keys in the lock. It took him a while, but Dean left him to it and he did manage it, growling in frustration, on his third attempt.

“What can I get you?” Dean asked as he followed Cas into the house. It was incredibly plain and much smaller than Dean had imagined. It was also immaculate, not a thing out of place and he doubted there was a spec of dust

“Just some water and some Advil thank you.”

Dean frowned as he opened the cupboards and the fridge starting to look for what he could get Cas to eat, but the damn place was nearly empty. He opened one cupboard and had to quickly move to catch a few bottles of Lucozade as they fell off the overfilled shelf. Other than that, there was nothing that resembled food in the place, apart from a near empty carton of milk in the fridge which he doubted would fill a glass.

“If you settle for a Lucozade with that Advil, I’ll tell Meg you ate something.” Dean offered.

“Anything but Lucozade, please I hate it.” Cas whined, and Dean couldn’t help but crack a small smile.

“You have a whole cupboard of it man! Why have you got so much if you hate it?” He asked in disbelief.

“Sponsorship deal, its probably out of date.”

Dean took a closer look at it. “Jesus man, it is, by like 2 years!”

Cas chuckled, “Sounds right.”

“Do you have any food in?” Dean exclaimed, rummaging through the cupboards.

“Probably not.”

“Dude this is nightmare, we gotta get you something to eat.”

“I’ll be fine Dean.” Cas sighed tiredly.

Dean shook his head in disbelief and went through the cupboards for a second time. He found a bag of sugar and

“Ok, sugar and water it is.” Dean huffed, stirring a few teaspoons of sugar into a glass and handing it off to Cas.

“Thank you, Dean.”

“No worries Man.”

Dean’s phone suddenly started ringing showing Benny on the caller ID

“Hey Benny.” He answered levelly.

“He ok?”

“Yeah, he’s good. Tired but a lot more with it. Crashing on the couch having some sugar water, but he aint got any food in. Apparently, he hasn’t eaten all day.”

“Idiot.” Benny grunted.

“Is that Benny?” Cas asked, eyes closed, empty glass discarded on the side.

“Yeah Cas.” Dean smiled.

“I’ll be there in about an hour and I’ll pick something up, can you stay with him till then.” Benny said.

“Sure thing.”

“Tell him I want a cheeseburger.” Cas sighed.

“Did you get that Benny?”

“Tell him he’s getting a salad.” Dean could hear the smirk in Benny’s voice.

“I think he’s better off not knowing that.” Dean chuckled.

“Knowing what?” Cas grunted.

“Nothing Cas.” Dean chuckled. “See you in an hour Benny.”

………………………………………..


	5. Chapter 5

Once Benny had arrived, he sent Cas to bed with a bag of food and Dean was pretty much ushered out the house. He hadn’t seen Cas for the past few days, but finally he’d shown up back at the gym. But now it was as if Cas was avoiding him. He’d seen him talking to Benny outside the office for a few seconds when he’d first arrived this morning, but Cas had ducked away from him, refusing to make eye contact and scuttled off into the backroom without so much as a hello.

The guy looked better at least, but Dean still had no idea what was going on.

“Don’t take it personal Cher.” Benny had said, patting him on the shoulder. “He’s a shy guy as you’ve probably noticed and what happened the other day aint something he likes people knowing. He hates asking for help.”

“So, I should just leave it?”

“I think he wants to tell you Cher, just isn’t sure how you’ll react. Give him a bit of time, but if he keeps avoiding you then go to him. Show him you’re not freaked out.”

“But I am a bit Benny, I mean… I told him it wasn’t my business and if he tells me or not it’s up to him, but it’s really hard being the only one out of the loop. Especially when…”

“When you care about him. I know Brother, I do, and I know it must suck not knowing, but I aint going to break his confidence.”

“I know Benny, I would never ask you too.”

Benny nodded in thanks. “Take it out on the bags.” He offered.

So that’s what Dean did for the next few hours as people came in and out of the gym, mostly regulars, guys Dean knew fairly well now and he stepped up for a few sparring matches. But nothing could take his mind off Cas as theories ran through his head.

“You’re distracted Winchester.”

“I know Mike, I’m sorry.” Mike was a great sparring partner. One of the few guys who could push Dean a little, other than Cas that was… who didn’t really push Dean but annihilate him. Anyway, Mike was right. Dean had been taking twice the amount of hits he would usually take, and he just couldn’t find it in him to concentrate.

“You should step out, wouldn’t want you getting hurt buddy.”

“Yeah you’re right.” Dean nodded, pulling off his gloves. “Thanks man.”

Dean slipped out the ring and sat on the bench, sipping some water as he tried to gather his thoughts. Benny had said give him some time, but how much time? He really liked Cas. He was the best friend he’d had, well, ever he guessed and the distance between them was really grating on his nerves.

“Dean, Dean, Dean…”

Suddenly Dean felt his heckles rise. His head whipped round and a growl rose in his throat as he clapped eyes on the source of the sickly, nasally voice that made him want to attack.

“Alastair what are doing here?” Benny was out the office in a flash, standing between Dean and the new presence in the room.

“Free country Laffite. And I believe I’m still paying membership.” He said with a challenging raise of his eyebrow.

“That don’t mean you’re welcome.” Benny glared. “And as for the membership, its my mistake for not banning you years ago. Now what do you want?”

“I’m here for the Angel.”

“What do you want with Cas?” Dean growled.

“Dean Winchester, it’s nice to see you again.” Alastair said in amusement.

“The feeling isn’t mutual.”

“Alastair.” That familiar deep and gravelly voice came from over Dean’s shoulder and had Dean spinning on the spot. Castiel’s tone was laced with distaste and was actually damn right frightening. So was the way he was stood. The Angel had pulled himself up unusually tall, shoulders straight and chin raised he looked practically menacing. He’d made use of every inch of his 6ft in height and somehow made Dean feel small in the process. Dean gave a surprised and slightly worried glance at Benny, who was frowning at Castiel and looking ready to pounce himself in whichever direction was required.

“What do you want?” Cas demanded, looking at the threat in the room with narrowed eyes but very little tension in his frame.

“A fight. Man on man. For old times’ sake.” Alastair hissed.

Cas’ eyebrows raised in thought, while Benny’s eyes widened in shock.

“No Novak.” Benny shook his head.

“I’ll fight him.” Dean growled.

“You’d love to do that wouldn’t you Dean, how is your little brother?”

Dean saw red, rushing towards Alastair ready to beat him into the floor until two strong arms grabbed him from behind and stopped him on his warpath.

“No Dean.” Cas pulled him back.

“Let me go!” Dean yelled.

“Dean.” Cas roared and Dean stilled instantly, shocked by the way the air reverberated around Cas’ words. “Calm down.” He said more gently, but that didn’t stop the shiver that had latched to Dean’s spine from chilling him to the core.

Alistair just chuckled.

“I don’t fight anymore Alistair.” Cas said calmly.

“Well you always were a coward Castiel, but this…”

“I don’t fight. But since you’re still a member, if you wanted to spa for ‘old time’s sake’ then feel free.” Cas said, patting the ropes round the edge of the ring in invitation.

“Novak.” Benny growled.

“Stay out of this Benny.” Cas said softly.

“The almighty angel too scared to fight me.” Alastair chuckled.

“I do not know what you are trying to prove by this challenge Alistair, but you have my conditions. Accept them or leave.”

“If you’re sparring, Normal rules apply, and that means no headshots…” Benny insisted.

“… No head shots what sort of pussy fight club is this?”

“This aint a fight club, it’s a gym. You want to spar, thems the rules.”

“Ok, I accept.” Alistair grinned.

“Castiel?” Benny said desperately, hoping the man wouldn’t go through with this madness.

“As do I.” Cas nodded, turning and heading back into the gym to get his gloves.

Benny was hot on his heels as was Dean.

“Castiel, what the hell you playing at?” Benny roared.

“Benny what’s the deal? Cas can take Alistair easily…” Dean asked, incredulously

“Cas you know he fights dirty. The risk is…”

“The risk is mine to take.”

“No.” Benny shook his head. “I’m not letting you do this.”

“Benny, come on!” Cas bit back.

“Not in my gym! You want to get yourself killed then you can do it somewhere else.” Benny said firmly folding his arms and blocking Cas’ way.

There was a beat of silence. Get himself killed? What was Benny talking to him about?

“Fine.” Cas shrugged indignantly. He threw down his gloves and head guard.

“Novak?” Benny asked, he sounded scared, there was something dangerous and determined in Castiel’s face that made Dean incredibly uneasy.

“Alastair. How about we take this outside?” Castiel announced and Alastair’s face lit up in a sly intrigue. “Leave the gloves.” Cas growled.

“As you wish.” Alastair smiled, though it wasn’t a smile, more a sneer. It was all this twisted monster was capable of.

“Cas what are you doing?” Dean asked, eyes wide.

“Stay out of this Dean, I mean it.” Cas warned as he and Alastair marched out of the door and into the street outside. As the two men, closely followed by Dean and Benny stepped into the open air, Meg stepped out of her car, instantly noticing the anger and anxiety in the air.

“What the hell is going on?” She demanded.

“Please Meg you have to talk him out of it his please.” Benny begged.

“Out of what? Clarence?”

But Cas had already taken a swing, cracking Alistair in the face and the man reeled backwards in shock, blood covering his face and spilling down his face.

“Jesus Christ!” Dean jumped as the crack of fist on flesh echoed through the street.

Cas barely gave the man any time to recover before he struck again. Alistair blocked and tried to swing back but Cas was on top of the motion.

“Guys’ stop this is insane!” Dean stepped in ready to pull Cas away. They were just going to get themselves arrested, but Dean didn’t even get his hand on Cas before he received an elbow to the face from the man in question.

Dean grunted in surprise.

“I won’t ask again Dean.” Cas yelled as Dean stumbled backwards into Benny, who was on his phone, cradling his nose and staring at the two fighting men in disbelief.

“Who are you calling?” Dean grunted to Benny, but his question was answered indirectly.

“Sherriff Mills, we got a problem…” Benny sighed into the cell, whilst Cas danced on the balls of his feet on the sidewalk, running circles round Alastair. The man was growing more and more enraged by the second and attacking furiously, but he much to Cas’ amusement he was barely able to touch the angel. Dean frowned as he watched Cas, people in the street were either stood staring, or scuttling away in fear, but one thing was clear; Cas was enjoying this. And that wasn’t normal.

“Come on Alastair, this all you got?” Cas taunted, and Benny frowned.

Alastair was already bleeding profusely, but Cas had nothing but a few red marks on his forearms from blocked shots. The taunt was all it took. Alistair dropped his guard his leg swung up viscously, aiming for Cas’ head. Benny clenched and ran forward, but then there was a scream.

Cas had caught Alistair’s leg mid flight and brought his elbow down on it heavily. There was the sound of crunching of bone, coupled with the man’s scream as Cas discarded him on the floor, well and truly done. There was a loud gasp across the street, God they were all in trouble.

Cas’ actions were brutal, vicious even and it made Dean take a step back.

“You always have to play dirty Alistair.” Cas growled, leaning over the man on the floor and grabbing him by the collar. “It just makes you predictable.” He scoffed. “Tell Michael I said Hi.” He snarled as he shoved Alastair roughly back to the ground, making the man moan in pain.

“Ok Sherriff, we’re going to need that ambulance.” Benny said, quietly, clearly a little shocked.

“Cas!” Dean called, but Cas was already half way down the street.

“Leave him Dean.” Benny instructed. “Meg?”

She groaned in annoyance. “Yeah, yeah, I’m on it.” Running down the street after the man.

…………………………………

“What the hell was all that about?” Dean hissed to Benny.

“Trust me brother, you really don’t want to know.” Benny was sat on the step to the gym with his head in his hands. Cops had arrived about 5 minutes after the fight along with the ambulance, well, one cop actually, a no-nonsense woman who was quickly dealing with the witnesses.

“What’s your deal with Alistair?” Benny asked curiously.

Dean chuckled bitterly. “You don’t want to know either.”

“Fair enough.”

“Benny.” The Sherriff approached.

“Jody.” Benny sighed.

“What the hell?” She asked, throwing up her hands in disbelief.

“I’m sorry, I am, it got out of hand.” Benny shook his head desperately.

“I’ve convinced Alastair to make a statement that he fell, but if he changes his mind…”

“He won’t do a U-turn, he’s too proud to admit he got his ass beat.” Benny assured her.

“He better not Benny because this is my neck on the line.” The Sherriff looked furious. “Those witness statements don’t magically disappear you know…”

“I know, and I appreciate it, I really do. I am sorry Jody, but you know what he’s like.”

“Yeah, I know, I know. How did Alistair find him?” She asked, calm creeping back into her demeanour.

“It’s no secret he’s here Jody. But its been 5 years, he isn’t the public figure he once was, he’s not invincible anymore, time has passed, there are rumours…”

“So, this was a test?”

“Yes. I think so anyway.”

“Am I going to need to set up a protection detail?” She asked, the worry evident in her tone.

“No, I think Cas sent them a message.”

Dean frowned… what the hell was all this?

“Who’s you friend?” Jody asked, looking at Dean.

“Dean Winchester Mam.” Dean introduced himself holding out a hand, which she took.

“I prefer Sir. Sherriff Jody Mills, you two better get your stories straight because I aint having this bite me in the ass if you get called for questioning. I’ll see you around.”

………………………………….

“Dean? You ok?” Sam asked as Dean walked in and slammed the door. “Dean?”

Dean really couldn’t deal with his little brother today.

“Dean what the hell happened to your face?” And there it was!

“Just leave it Sam.”

“Was it Cas? I thought there was a no head shot rule?”

“It was Cas, but we weren’t sparring.”

“What he hit you? I swear to God, champion boxer or not I’ll knock his friggin' head off.”

“No, you won’t. It was kind of my fault.”

“Dean you’re not really helping. Can you just tell me what happened?”

Dean sighed as he lay his head back on the couch.

“I’ll get you some ice.” Sam sighed in return, throwing a bag of peas at Dean and settling opposite him, staring him down until Dean inevitably caved.

“Ok fine. Alastair turned up at the gym.”

“What!”

“Challenged Cas.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes. They were just going to spar, but then Benny went mad, refused to let them, so Cas took it outside.”

“In the street?”

“Yes.”

“You tried to stop him.” Sam nodded in realisation.

“Yeah, Cas elbowed me in the face.”

“So, what happened?”

“Cas beat the shit out of him. Alastair tried to kick him in the head, Cas snapped his leg.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah, it was brutal. Sherriff came and covered it up, something really weird is going on with them Sam… I mean Cas knew Alistair, the way Benny and the Sherriff were talking about it seems like Cas is being targeted by someone. He mentioned a Michael…”

“Dean.” Sam sat up, sharply. “If that’s the Michael I think it is, then we need to stay away from him, like way away from Cas.”

“What, why?” It was Deans turn to sit up.

“I still have my ear to the ground with the local PD, I have to with my job, current intel says this guy Michael, the same Michael Cas fought…”

“The Archangel?”

“Yeah, the Archangel, Michael Pellegrino, he runs with The Garrison… more than that, he essentially is The Garrison. He led them for years or at least he did, there’s been a bit of a power struggle recently.”

“Shit.” Dean hissed. “Shit, shit, shit.”

“I know.”

“Are we going to have to leave town? Alastair saw me…”

“Dean, I don’t want to say this, but maybe we should. I mean, Alastair isn’t going to be quiet.”

“It’s been years Sam. Years and we got out!”

“You never really get out of stuff like this, you know that.”

“Can we just wait and see… Just for a little while.”

“You can Dean, but I can’t. I have Jess to think about, I need to call her, move out of state, just to be safe.”

“Sure Sammy, yeah, you do that.”

“Will you be ok, Dean?”

“Yeah.”

“No really, you’re not going to jump off the wagon and into the bar?”

“I will, and I will be fine honest.”

“Ok, watch your back Dean. I’m going to drive to Jess’ tonight. I’ll call you when I get there. Don’t go radio silent on me.”

………………………..

Dean waited an hour. The house was so quiet without his little brother. He couldn’t stand it any longer he was about to dial Cas when a call came in.

It was Benny.

“Benny, what can I do for you?”

“Look man I saw how riled Alastair got you today, whatever history you two have I thought you needed to know.”

“Know what?”

“Alastair’s dead.”

Dean stopped dead. His stomach lurched. “What?”

“It wasn’t Novak.” Benny said quickly. “Big pile up on the way to the hospital. Over turned lorry landed on the ambulance.”

“That was lucky.” Dean breathed out.

“Was it?” Benny scoffed.

“No of course not, I mean, hell…”

“Dean I get it. I saw that look when you saw him. You’re hiding from these guys, aren’t you?”

“Yeah. My little Brother already left town.” Dean admitted. “The Michael Cas mentioned?”

“Yeah, The Archangel, it’s a long story and not mine to tell. The point is, your safe Dean, might want to pass that on to your brother.”

“Thanks Benny. It’s a relief, I’ll tell you.”

“Ok, pop round tommorow if you want to talk.”

“Yeah I might see you.”

………………………………………………….


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a bit of a roll today, so here's moving towards some answers

Dean got the text around midnight.

_Cas: I am really sorry about today Dean. I will pay any medical fees for the damage I inflicted. My actions today were unforgiveable, I can only apologise._

Dean read it over and over. He had no idea how he felt about what had happened today. He knew logically he should be so pissed with Cas, or running for the hills with Sam, or wanting to have absolutely nothing to do with the guy, but at the same time… Cas was a goddamn enigma and he was really worried about the guy.

At 3am Dean was on his third beer and didn’t even feel the slightest bit tired. Then he had a stupid idea. He got up grabbed the keys to Baby and drove across the city, praying he didn’t get pulled over. He wasn’t drunk, but he would probably blow over the limit.

When he pulled up outside the house on York street, he paused. But he was here now he wasn’t going to change his mind. He knocked on the door and heard a couple of bangs and clatters from inside that made him frown. Finally, the door opened and there stood Cas, in nothing but a half open dressing gown and his boxers which made Dean take a step back in surprise.

“Dean, you can’t be here.” The guy grunted. He looked incredibly dishevelled, dark bags under his eyes, his usually wild hair looked like it was trying to escape from a mental hospital and there was a definite stagger in his stride.

“Cas?” Dean asked, in confusion. Looking the man up and down, the smell on Cas’ breath confirmed his theory.

“Go away.”

“Are you ok?”

“Don’t ask stupid questions.” Cas grunted and moved to close the door.

“Hey, hey, what’s going on… are you drunk?”

“Duh.” Cas tried to close the door again, but Dean put his foot in the way.

“Cas what happened?”

“I found a liquor store.” The man said indignantly as if it were as obvious as the nose on his face.

“And what? You drank it?” Dean asked in disbelief.

“I’m not supposed to talk to you.” Cas slurred.

“What?”

“And I wasn’t supposed to say that.” Cas frowned. “Oops.” He scoffed uncaringly. “Please go away.”

Dean refused to move his foot as Cas prodded at it with his own, still trying to close the door. “Hey, No Hey! Who told you that you couldn’t talk to me?”

“Sam.”

“Sam?” Dean asked incredulously.

“Yes, he told me to stay away from you.” Cas staggered a little grabbing onto the radiator to stop himself falling.

Dean nearly growled in frustration. “That’s not Sam’s call to make.” He sighed. He’d talk to his brother later.

“Come on Cas, just let me in and please sit down before you fall down.”

Cas grunted and shrugged, doing as Dean asked. He shuffled lazily into his apartment and flopped onto the sofa, picking up an empty bottle and grunted in annoyance when he tried to drink from it and got nothing. He was looking at it at in suspicion, tipping it upside down and shaking it in confusion as if he couldn’t understand why it was empty.

“Give me that.” Dean huffed, putting it on the side. “You’ve had more than enough.”

“Well I’m still awake so I can’t have.” Cas scoffed.

“Cas, why are you drinking to pass out? And man, you really have to get that hand seen to, you’re a mess.” Dean said, noticing Cas’ swollen and bloody knuckles.

“Its fine. Had worse.”

“I don’t care, it’s probably broken, you can’t just leave it.”

“I don’t care Dean.” Cas snapped. “It’s only pain.” He said laying his head back on the verge of passing out. “Pain helps.” He said in whisper, probably not even aware he was saying it.

Deans heart missed a beat. Then he scanned Cas in the dim light. From the small sliver of toned, tan skin he could see exposed from the gap in the dressing gown he could see scars. And not just one, many. Was Cas hurting himself? Some of those scars were old, he always wore a shirt when he fought… Curiosity got the better of him. He crouched over the only semi-conscious form of Cas and brushed away the dressing gown a few inches.

“Cas?” Dean gasped. Not single patch of skin wasn’t marred, mostly old scars, some must have been deep. But it was the fresh ones that irked him most. Some newly scabbed over, one or two hadn’t even reached that stage. What was he supposed to do?

“Don’t.” Cas said brokenly as he snatched back at the fabric, curling in on himself and burring his face in the back of the sofa.

“Dean please go. You’re not supposed to be here.” Cas sighed, his eyes slipping closed. Dean just sat back down heavily, holding his hand over his mouth in shock. What the hell was he supposed to do? He’d seen Cas’ arms before and they hadn’t been scarred… maybe it wasn’t self harm, but some of those had been fresh, so if it was self harm, what was he supposed to do about it? He wasn’t a shrink. He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts, he almost didn’t notice Cas start mumbling.

“I don’t want to stay away from you Dean. I like you. I don’t have any friends like you.” Cas mumbled. “I don’t want to lose you.” He whimpered the last line and Dean realised Cas was crying.

“I’m not going anywhere Cas.” Dean said soothingly. Jesus Christ what a mess the guy was, almost reminded him of himself a month or two ago, before he’d found the gym.

“Come here.” Dean pulled Cas into sitting position. “Where’s your bedroom, you’re going to pass out on a real mattress.”

Cas pointed in a vague direction and Dean helped him stagger into bed, making sure the guy was on his side so if he puked he wouldn’t choke. He sighed and settled on the sofa. He told Cas he wasn’t going anywhere, he wasn’t going to break that promise.

………………………………..

“Morning sunshine.” Dean said with a chuckle when Cas appeared the next morning. He looked like death warmed up and Dean didn’t miss the way he wrapped the dressing gown tightly around his torso when he saw Dean, making certain to cover every bit of skin. Dean tried not to show the worry in his face.

“Dean? What are you doing here… you’re… you shouldn’t…”?

“Relax Cas we went through this last night and believe me I will be giving my little brother a very serious talking to about that.”

“I told you? I’m sorry, I don’t remember…”

“I’m not surprised dude, you were completely hammered.”

“I’m sorry Dean, I’m really sorry.” Cas shook his head looking thoroughly ashamed.

“Look, don’t be Cas. It happened and I for one know what Alastair is like.”

“You know him?”

“Yes. That’s why my brother told you to stay away from us. It’s a very long story, but we are kind of hiding.”

“Him seeing you has caused you an issue hasn’t it?” Cas frowned. He looked worried, so Dean was quick to reply.

“Well it would have if he’d made it to the hospital without getting killed in a crash.”

“What?”

“Yeah, overturned lorry.”

“Huh.” Cas sighed. “I really don’t know how to feel about that.”

“I do, fancy a morning celebration.”

“That’s very morbid Dean. A man just died.”

“He deserved it.” Dean shrugged indifferently.

“I’m not going to disagree.” Cas groaned.

“Come on you, we’re going to the roadhouse.

“You’re really not mad at me for yesterday?”

“I was for a bit man, but more worried really. I’ve not seen you like that before.”

“Yeah well, we all have our secrets Dean.”

“And that’s about as deep as I cope with before coffee, so get dressed.”

………………………………

As soon as Dean walked in Jo started chuckling and when Cas followed him in a few moments later she started laughing uncontrollably.

“Yeah, Yeah, it’s hilarious.” Dean grumbled.

“What the hell’s got you so happy?” Ellen walked out, took one look at the pair of them and smirked. “Oh, dear boys, you look rough.”

“Two plates of as much grease as you can scrape out the pan please Ellen.”

“Coming right up.” She chuckled.

They ate mostly in silence. Cas looked like absolute crap and simultaneous looks of guilt and fear kept crossing his features.

“I really am sorry about yesterday.” Cas said again when they were half way through their meals.

“Cas, buddy, just forget about it. Look, we clearly both have our issues if we knew Alastair, I don’t know what yours are, but whatever they are they’re yours unless you want to share them. You don’t owe me an explanation, but if you want to talk, you know where I am.”

“I appreciate that Dean. You are incredibly understanding.”

“You’ll have to tell Sammy that, he’ll never believe you.”

Dean saw Cas bow his head a little.

“Look Cas, whatever Sam said last night was out of order. He was scared. Alistair scares the crap out of the both of us, or at least he did.”

“He scares everyone.” Cas acknowledged

“Really? Even after you snapped his leg like a twig?” Dean smirked.

“Yes Dean.” Cas smiled. “Even after that.”

“Anyway, my point is, Sam doesn’t hate you or anything, he’s like your number one fan, he’s just looking after me. We’re all each other had growing up, we have to look out for each other.”

“I understand.”

“You’re my friend Cas. My best friend actually. I wasn’t just going to up and leave you, I should have run for the hills, but well, I’d have missed you too much.”

Dean ruffled his hair with a smile, remembering how upset Cas had been last night.

“It means a lot Dean. I consider you my best friend as well.” Cas smiled and then something seemed to dawn on him. “Ugh Benny’s going to be furious with me.” He sighed, gently resting his forehead on the table.

“I’ll talk to him. But I’m talking you to the hospital this morning, no arguments. You’re going to need a splint; both your hands are an absolute mess. I’m surprised you didn’t pop your shoulder.”

“So am I.” Cas conceded about his shoulder, “but Dean…”

“Hospital or I’ll feed you to Benny.”

“Fine, hospital.” Cas conceded.

…………………………..

Cas had broken his hands, plural. Three metacarpal fractures in his left hand, one in his right. He was splinted for two weeks, which meant Cas was restricted mostly to leg weights and running. He was not happy.

The relationship between Cas and Benny was strained at best. Cas avoided Benny like the plague and Benny kept glaring at him from across the room. Dean wished the two of them would get the sticks out of their asses and talk to each other. Benny was worried about Cas, it was obvious and angry with him for something… putting himself in danger, Dean guessed. Over the next few weeks Dean and Cas effectively synched their gym schedules. Dean did indeed start skipping in the back room, and he really wasn’t getting any better at it.

“Dean calm down.” Cas laughed from the leg press as Dean threw the rope on the floor for the third time that hour.

“Its evil incarnate this thing.”

“Really, that’s a little dramatic.”

“I don’t think so.” Dean scoffed and Cas just shook his head with a smile.

“It’s just about finding a rhythm Dean, relax, start slowly, don’t try to go 100mph from the gun.”

“I aint got no rhythm Cas, I just want to punch stuff!” Dean exclaimed.

Cas sighed, moving away from the weights. He frowned in thought for a while Dean was caught up in his frustration.

“What kind of music are you into? You had a lot of classic rock in the Impala… You like Led Zeppelin?”

“Yeah sure, why?”

“Just a sec I reckon Benny’s got a CD player here somewhere.” Cas started rifling through boxes under the benches till he found what he was looking for. He jammed a disc in clumsily with his splinted hands and pressed play. Dean smiled a little as Led Zepplin filtered into the air, but Cas kept skipping tracks, listening to a few seconds of each before moving on, as if he was looking for something specific.

“What are you doing Cas?”

“This will do. Pick up the rope.” Cas seemed to have settled on Led Zeppelin’s Rock and Roll and had pulled out his own jump rope.

“Cas?” Dean asked as the man started skipping effortlessly as the song got into swing. “How can you bounce about like a gazelle with those blasted things on your hands.”

“My legs work fine Dean. Just listen to the music and try.” Cas rolled his eyes.

Dean frowned and crossed his arms.

“Just try it Dean.”

“Fine man whatever.”

Dean tried again, but he got to a certain pace and kept tripping over the rope.

“You’re jumping too high, just act like you’re in the ring, light on your feet, its not about force.”

Dean started again.

“Forget the rope Dean, just listen to the music.”

It took a few more attempts, but finally Dean seemed to get the hang of it. Cas was right the music did help keep a rhythm and Dean couldn’t believe he was even thinking it, but this was actually quite… fun.

“There you go.” Cas smiled.

“Dude, that was a good idea. What else have you got on that CD?”

“I don’t know, its Benny’s stuff, I’m surprised that there is any rock in there at all, must have been someone else’s because Benny has a disturbing affinity for country.”

Dean laughed. “Not a fan of country.”

“Not really.”

“What are you a fan of?”

“Bit of everything really. I wouldn’t say I had a specific taste.”

“Hmmm, interesting.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Maybe you could teach me a thing or two, Sammy says I’m very closed minded in my music taste.”

“I never would have guessed.” Cas smirked sarcastically.

“Hey!” Dean dropped the rope and threw a towel across the room at Cas, who expertly deflected it with the jump rope, which made Dean pout.

Cas chuckled and went to sit back down, and the smile slid from his face as he saw the colour drained from Cas’ face.

“Cas?”

Cas started breathing a little more heavily and Dean rushed to his side.

“Cas hey, buddy, what’s going on?”

“I… don’t know I just need a minute.”

Dean put a hand on Cas’ shoulder and Cas suddenly started staring blankly.

“Hey, Hey, Cas, can you hear me.” Dean snapped his fingers in front of Cas’ face, but nothing happened. “Cas! Benny!” Dean yelled.

Suddenly Cas folded in two, going completely limp into Dean’s hold, his eyes still wide and unstaring. “Woah, Cas, buddy…”

“What’s going on?” Benny asked, rushing into the room and kneeling by Dean as he helped lay Cas onto the floor.

“I don’t know, we were skipping, then he suddenly went pale, went all spacey on me and then he just went limp.” Dean panted. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Ok, it’s ok, this happens.” Benny breathed out, keeping his hand on Castiel’s chest.

“It does? What, why?”

“Dean take a breath. It won’t last long, any second now…”

“Dean.” Cas gasped, immediately trying to sit up but Benny had him pressed firmly down. “What happened?” Cas asked, looking from Benny to Dean, reaching out to claw at Dean’s arm.

“It’s ok Cas, we’ve got you Buddy.” Dean reassured, though the way he was looking at Benny for help said otherwise.

“Seizure… atonic by the sound of it.” Benny informed him and Cas’ face set into a line of frustration. “You good to sit up?”

Seizure? Dean’s head was reeling in shock and worry. Cas got seizures, how, why?

“I’m going to stay down a minute.” Cas sighed.

“That’s a good call. Dean, can you get him a soda from the vending machine please.”

Dean nodded and did as he was asked and came back to hear them talking, finally.

“Benny I’m sorry about the other day.”

“So am I Cher, I’m just worried about you, but you can be so damn stubborn.”

“I know Benny and I’m sorry, but you just don’t know what its’ like.”

“You’re frustrated, I get it, but you need to accept it and take better care of yourself. You dealt with Alistair beautifully, I mean textbook, and I get why you had to do that, but Cas, you could have died. One false move and…”

“You think I don’t know that, you think I want to die Benny?”

“Sometimes I wonder.” Benny said sadly and Cas looked away.

“One soda!” Dean called out, announcing his arrival.

“Where’s Meg?” Cas asked.

“Meg aint in today Novak.”

“It’s Friday?”

“Yeah its Friday.” Benny frowned. “Do you know where you are?”

“Benny…” Cas groaned.

“Humour me.”

“The gym. Back room.”

“Good Novak. But, what’s the date?”

“I…” Cas seemed to think hard but couldn’t find an answer.

“What day is it Cas?” Benny tried.

The look on Cas’ face said he knew they’d just told him, but couldn’t remember.

“Fuck’s sake.” Cas swore, and Dean almost got whiplash. “I don’t know, my brain’s not working yet, give me a break.” He whined.

“Woah man I’ve never heard you swear.” Dean chuckled nervously.

“Let me up Benny.” Cas demanded.

Benny helped Cas sit up, “You need to take a minute Novak. Feeling ok?”

“I feel wierd.” Cas admitted wearily.

“Normal weird or…”?

“Normal weird.” Cas sighed.

“Ok. Sit on the bench, Dean, stay with him a moment I need to make a call.”

“Sorry about this.” Cas grunted as he rubbed his hands through his hair.

“Hey man, don’t be, are you ok?”

“I will be.” Cas sighs. “I suppose you deserve an explanation…”

“No Cas, we talked about this, you don’t owe me shit. Just let me know how to help.”

“Will you drive me home?”

“Yeah sure, no worries… in fact, you could crash at mine if you wanted.”

“You want to keep an eye on me.” Cas scoffed.

“A little bit man, that was kind of scary.”

“That was a tame one.” Cas chuckled.

“How likely is it to happen again today?”

“It shouldn’t. If it does, that’s not a good thing and I should probably go to hospital. Other than that they’re completely random, no way of telling. It’s… I have Post traumatic epilepsy, that blow from Michael in the 8th… I’ll tell you about it, just not today.”

“You sure man?”

“Yes Dean. You should know.”

“Ok, but you can change your mind.” Dean nodded. “Is that what happened the first time I took you home?”

“Yes.” Cas admitted. “That was a bad one. Grand Mal, scared the shit out of Meg.”

“There are different types of seizures?”

“Yeah about 8.” Cas chuckled.

“Wow, complex much?”

“It sucks.” Cas sighed.

“Drink your soda.” Benny grunted as he walked back through, cell held to his ear.

“Yes boss.” Cas said sarcastically.

“Damn right.” Benny scoffed.

……………….……………………

Cas spent most of the afternoon asleep just like he had the last time. Sam had texted when he’d arrived at Jess’, but Dean hadn’t been in contact since apart from a few texts. He knew his brother would be getting worried, but half of him wanted to make him suffer a little after what he’d said to Cas. Another glance at Cas confirming he was sound asleep and Dean moved out into the yard to pick up the phone.

“Dean?” Sam answered almost straight away. “Are you ok, I haven’t heard from for days! Are you ok? I was off my head worried man!”

“Nice stunt you pulled on Cas.” Dean said bluntly.

“Dean I…”

“No Sammy, don’t. I get why you did it, but did you think about him for one second in all that?”

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean is I found him hammered, and I mean off his head drunk and upset thinking he’d lost all his friends. That day that Alastair walked into the gym bold as brass wanting to fight, dredging up a whole heap of shit no doubt… he fell out with Benny, hit me in the face and thought I hated him and then you… You track him down at his house which he hadn’t given you the address for, nice trick by the way well done, and then you go about threatening him to stay away from us? Smart move, real smart.”

“Shit. Dean, is he ok? I didn’t think.”

“Yeah, you didn’t think. You’re supposed to be the smart one!”

“Well I’m not going to apologise for looking out for you Dean.”

“And I don’t want you to Sammy, I just want you to come back here and apologise to him.”

“Dean why are you still there? I can’t come back and risk them following me to Jess…”

“Alastair is dead Sam. We’re safe. He never made it to the hospital there was a crash on the freeway.”

“Thank God.” Sam sighed.

“Yeah, that’s what I said.”

“I’ll come back this weekend and apologise. Tell him I’m sorry Dean, is he ok?”

“Sam…” Dean breathed.

“Dean what is it?” Sam asked nervously.

“I’m not sure, I mean I’m not certain he’s doing it, but I don’t know what to do.”

“About what Dean?”

“I thought you might know from your line of work, I mean you deal with messed up kids and…”

“Dean cut to it.”

“I think he’s self harming.” Dean said and there was a beat of surprised silence on the other end of the line. “There is so much going on with him Sam and he hasn’t told me yet, and I’m not going to break his confidence, but I’m really worried about the guy.”

“You two are close right?”

“Yeah I guess.”

“Then just be there for him for now Dean, keep an eye on him if you think he’s going to do something… drastic, don’t let him be alone.”

“Ok. Thanks Sam.”

“Dean look after yourself ok? If you need to talk…”

“I know where you are Sammy.”

Dean went back inside once the call ended. Cas was still asleep. He woke for a few hours, and Dean was appalled to hear he had never watched Star Wars, but they barely got through an episode before it became clear Cas really wasn’t up to it.

Dean took him home and left him to get some rest. He didn’t sleep that night, googling everything he could find out about seizures and aftercare and possible causes.

………………………………………..


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big heart to heart for Cas and Dean in this. Enjoy

Dean got a text mid-morning the next day from Cas asking if he wanted to meet for brunch at the roadhouse, the answer was of course yes.

“Cas!” Dean smiled enthusiastically as the man walked into the diner.

“What are you doing?” Cas smiled and gestured to the laptop Dean was using, Sam’s laptop, he reminded himself. The kid had left in such a hurry that he hadn’t even packed his beloved laptop and Dean was getting his revenge by filling it with gay porn.

“I’m just watching your fight with Michael actually. Man, I’d seen the clips of your knockout, I mean they’re famous and all over the internet, but I never watched the whole thing through. It’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen, you were so determined….”

“Can you turn that off please.” Cas said lowly, his face suddenly clouding with an expression that made Deans stomach twist in worry.

“I’m sorry, of course, I…”

“It’s ok Dean, I just don’t like seeing that fight.”

“God sorry man. Are you ok?”

“Am I ok?”

“Yeah, I mean, I just went all fan boy and made you uncomfortable…”

“Your first thought was to ask if I was ok, not why I don’t like to see that fight?”

“You’re a private guy Cas, you don’t owe me an explanation and I figured if you wanted to talk about it, you just would.”

“Dean Winchester, you really are something else.”

“Well thanks I guess.” Dean blushed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“The reason I don’t like to see that fight is because I don’t actually remember it.”

“Any of it?”

“Not really. I don’t remember much after the 6th round, I don’t actually remember the knock out and if I’m being honest, nor do I remember anything from the day before, until the middle of the day after. Big chunks of that entire month are just missing…”

“Jesus.” Dean breathed.

“I told you I would explain my seizures to you. And I need to start from the beginning.”

“Ok.” Dean nodded.

“That fight was the hardest of my career… I was in the form of my life, I had to be and although I was much faster than Michael, he is known for his agility and his Brute strength. Every punch was like being hit by a truck. I dislocated my shoulder in the 3rd and Benny had to pop it back 3 more times before the end apparently.”

“Cas, that’s insane, why didn’t the ref stop the fight?” Dean asked, knowing from what he’d seen of the footage that he had tried to. “Why didn’t Benny stop the fight?” He huffed as the thought came to him.

“Attempts were made, but I think the ref was bought off… besides apparently I wouldn’t let them, and Michael certainly wouldn’t have stopped until I was mashed into the floor.” Dean frowned, wondering what Cas meant by that. It sounded like… well, it sounded as though Michael had intended it to be a fight to the death.

“When I was knocked down, in the 8th I think, my skull was fractured. Nobody can tell me how I got up and continued… and received more hits to the head to boot. By all accounts it shouldn’t have been possible, I should have died and in all honesty I almost did. Benny and, well, _everyone_ was celebrating after my win. I don’t do parties generally, I prefer to fade into the background, but Benny wouldn’t let me this time. It’s a good job actually, otherwise I would have been alone in the locker room hiding and no one would have found me for hours…” Cas paused. “I collapsed in the street before I could get in the car to go to the medic for my pre-fight check-up. I woke up in hospital 5 days later my skull was fractured in 4 places”

“God Cas… So that fight literally nearly killed you.”

“Essentially, Yes.”

“I can see why you wouldn’t want to see that. Watching that happen to yourself and not remembering… must be so weird,” Dean acknowledged.

“Understatement of the century.” Cas smiled weakly.

“Is that why you stopped? You realised your own mortality or something.”

“No.” Cas said certainly. “Actually, it was like a weight had been lifted, like I had conquered Everest beating Michael.”

“Well I’d say that conquering Everest is easier.”

Cas chuckled. “I was very eager to get back in the ring. I lay in hospital for a few days, more motivated than ever, so I discharged myself early against doctor’s orders and well, before they could finish doing all the checks.”

“Cas why?” Dean asked incredulously.

“It was… there were reasons, but I don’t want to go into them right now. But I wasn’t completely reckless. I did rest, it took 3 weeks to feel normal again and my head still felt, kind of fuzzy. I thought it would get better in time, so I got back into gentle training and after 2 months or so, and it did get better, so I focused on my next goal. I felt fine. Benny worked me like a dog and coming up to the Olympics I was fitter than ever.”

“So, what happened?” Dean asked.

“My shoulder was an issue in itself. I never let it heal properly and the dislocations became common. It was aggravating, but manageable. But one day I was sparing against Benny and I think a car backfired outside or something, so I turned to look. Benny likes to make a point about never taking your eyes off the opponent, even in training, so he walloped me round the head as a lesson.”

Dean winced at the thought.

“But I went down and didn’t get back up. I had my first seizure there on the mat, while Benny called the ambulance.”

“Shit.” Dean hissed, and Cas smiled bitterly at the memory.

“They diagnosed me with a traumatic brain injury, one more blow to the head like that could kill me apparently. I know Benny still feels guilty for what happened. It wasn’t his fault of course, neither of us could have known; but regardless he helped me to retire quietly and kept my injuries hushed up in the run up the Olympics. He still lets me train despite the risk but he is now fiercely protective.”

“Well, I get the whole head guard no head shots thing, but why the secrecy around your retirement? Don’t lots of guys suffer the same thing in our sport?”

“I can’t have my weaknesses posted out there for the world to see.”

“I can understand that.” Dean said.

“No, you don’t its not because of pride Dean, it’s… I just can’t.” Cas looked away and Dean frowned. “I couldn’t afford to be down Dean, for people to know I was vulnerable for reasons… I can’t explain right now.” What did Cas mean? Then it dawned on him.

“Alistair?” Dean asked.

“Along those lines yes.” Cas admitted, and Dean started slotting pieces together. He was involved with these assholes. How, he wasn’t sure, but by hell was he getting desperate to find out.

“So, the seizures?”

“Part of the TBI. I developed mild post traumatic epilepsy due to the head trauma along with… some loss of cognitive function. I have great difficulty remembering dates and appointments. I have to write everything down as soon as I hear it. Its so frustrating.” Cas sighed. “I’ve never told anyone this much Dean… not even Benny.”

“I won’t betray your trust Cas. I know what its like to have secrets and since you’ve been so open with me I guess I should share something with you.”

“No, please… don’t feel obliged to do that.” Cas said hastily.

“No, don’t worry I don’t feel obligated man… I really appreciate the trust you have placed in me, I know we only met a month ago, but you’re my best friend Cas, probably the best friend I’ve ever had, and I’ve wanted to share this with someone other than Sammy for a long time.”

“Then by all means, go ahead.” Cas nodded encouragingly.

“My fight with Azazel, it was incredibly personal. It wasn’t so much a boxing match as a gang war.”

“Gang war?” Cas asked surprised.

“Yes. Not that I was in a gang I just… I’ll start from the beginning. I never wanted to be a boxer. When I was 5 a bunch of kids, teenagers from the hellions gang through a petrol bomb into my brother’s nursery one night on some sick initiation. We were just a random target, but my Mom was burnt alive trying to get to him. I still remember Dad passing me Sammy and telling me to run as he tried to get to her…”

“Dean that’s… that’s truly awful. I am so sorry.” Cas’s face was a picture of shock and horror. He put a hand on Dean’s shoulder and Dean placed his own hand on top of it in thanks.

“It’s ok… well it’s not ok, not by a long shot, but it was a long time ago. Anyway, Somehow Dad found out that it was Azazel who threw the petrol bomb and declared a one-man war on the hellions after that. As we grew up he taught us to fight, to be soldiers essentially, to fight his war and avenge out Mother. We had to move around a lot as if they found out where we were living they’d have killed us all.”

“Dean that is insane.”

“I know.” Dean huffed a laugh. “I don’t know exactly what Dad did, but I know people died… only gang members but it was still murder I’m pretty sure. Azazel was the one he wanted but he was too clever and kept slipping through Dad’s net, until he found out that they had a boxing club and Azazel was their star fighter.”

“That’s why you started boxing?”

“Yeah. I didn’t want to, not at all, but it was suddenly down to me to avenge Mom. The family business Dad called it. Thankfully Sammy wasn’t dragged into it. I shielded him from as much of it as I could when he was a kid and then he and Dad had a huge bust up. Sammy refused to fight for a living, he went to Stanford and got his law degree and the girl of his dreams…”

“While you were stuck doing something you hated… by force.”

“It really wasn’t so bad, but Dad was an alcoholic. He died two days after I got the fight with Azazel, drank himself to death celebrating the fact I was finally going to get revenge for Mom. I went into that fight blaming Azazel for the death of both my parents and for losing Sammy, who at that point I thought didn’t want anything to do with me or Dad.” Dean dropped his head at the painful memory and squeezed Cas’ hand a little tighter. “Needless to say, It didn’t end pretty for Azazel and I’m really not proud of it. Yes, the guy is scum, but if the ref hadn’t stepped in, I would have killed him Cas… I would have been a murderer just like him and even though I was stopped the guy’s brain is mush and I did that.”

“Dean I…” Castiel started and then seemed to rethink his words. “What you have been through is truly horrific, no one should have had to live through that. You may hate yourself for the Azazel fight but I think it shows your character perfectly.”

“What?” Dean said a little offended.

“Do not mistake me.” Cas said seriously. “You say if the referee hadn’t stepped in you would have killed this man?”

“Yes.”

“And did you fight the referee?”

“Well no…”

“And you feel bad about the damage you inflicted?”

“Yes, but I enjoyed it at the time Cas. That’s not right.”

“Dean I think if you hadn’t enjoyed beating your Mother’s killer to a pulp, there would be far more cause for concern regarding your sanity. My point is Dean and I have seen the footage of your fight as you have seen the footage of mine and if you had truly been set on killing this man, you would have. The referee could not have stopped you, you would have at least fought him, but you stepped back without protest. That you had won was enough for you and that you gave up boxing after that speaks volumes.”

“I see your point Cas. I had never looked at it that way.” Dean smiled. “Man, you’re wise beyond your years you know that.”

“Neither of us is young anymore Dean.” Cas smiled.

“Hey. I’m 26 this August… for the 15th time.”

Cas laughed freely, shaking his head at the joke.

“So yes. I gave up boxing. Dad would have wanted me to go after the rest of the hellions, but I wanted nothing to do with it anymore. I was done. Besides, The Garrison, wherever the hell they came from seemed to be doing a pretty good job of getting them to run scared.”

Cas’ Jaw tensed at that and although Dean furrowed his brow he elected to ignore it. He knew from what Sam had told him that Cas must be mixed up with the Garrison somehow, but Cas had shared a lot today, he wasn’t going to press.

“I made a deal with the hellions leader, pompous British asshole called himself the king of hell.” Dean scoffed, and Cas flinched again. Dean looked at him for a moment, suspiciously, but again decided to move on. “I told him that unless his guys wanted to meet the same end as Azazel they would leave our family alone. He accepted, said Azazel deserved what came to him. Revenge gets a free pass apparently, so that was the end of it. Apart from Alastair, guy holds a grudge, as do some of his little followers which is why Sam and I have to stay hidden. But besides all that, I got what I wanted in the end, I got out the life and got to be a mechanic, which was pretty much my dream growing up.”

“So why come back to boxing?”

“Messy Break up. Very, very messy breakup, but that’s a story for another time.” Dean said with clenched teeth. “Sammy was sick of me moping and made me get off my arse and do something. Best decision I ever made. I never enjoyed the sport before, it was literally just my job, but now I do it because I enjoy it… and purgatory is a completely different world.”

“That is quite an incredible tale Dean. I can only say how glad I am you survived all that and remained so healthy.”

Dean scoffed. “Physically maybe… up here I am a huge mess.” He said tapping his head.

“Well that is more than understandable Dean. I hope if you ever want to talk about this in more detail you feel you can come to me. I too, will not break your confidence.”

“Thanks Cas, it really means a lot and well, I don’t usually talk about feelings… hell I _never_ talk about feelings, I feel like I’m in a damn chick flick right now. But I might take you up on that offer one day, you are so easy to talk to man.”

“I was told once that I am a good listener.”

“That you are.” Dean smiled.

…………………………..

Cas was getting ready for his run when there was a knock on his door. He wasn’t expecting anyone. Benny would be at the gym, Meg was never around on Monday’s and Dean was at work. He got up with a frown from where he had been tying his shoe and looked at his door suspiciously. The lock was on for a change at least, he’d been more careful since the Alastair incident.

He put his hand into his coat pocket and picked out the penknife. It was hardly the most effective weapon but as far as he was concerned, he himself was the only weapon he needed, but it never served to be unprepared.

He held the open knife in one hand and kept it behind the door as he opened it.

“Sam?” He said, a little in relief.

“Hi, Cas… I… Can I come in.” Sam looked nervous and logically Cas could understand why, but he made a point to check the area before he opened the door and let the man inside. He made no secret of the fact he’d been holding the penknife in his hand as he folded it away and put it back in his coat pocket hanging in the hall.

“A knife?” Sam asked in surprise.

“Yes. I felt it a necessary precaution. I don’t tend to get unexpected visitors. Excuse the mess.”

“Huh.” Sam said uncomfortably. If this was Cas’ idea of a mess the he wanted to know what the hell this guy thought clean was. There was nothing out of place asides the mug left on the side and some paperwork on the coffee table, but what struck Sam most was the smallness and general dinginess of the place. Cas had hardly any furniture, no photos, decorations, nothing personal… it was strange.

“What can I do for you Sam?” Cas asked.

“Look, I’m here to apologise, plain and simple. There’s no excuse…”

“I understand Sam, you were looking out for your family, I would have done the same.”

“I’m serious Castiel, tracking you down at our house, that was messed up man. I totally get it if you hate me for what I said, I really do…”

“Sam, I meant what I said. It’s water under the bridge. Alastair’s mere presence seems to be able to make people do crazy things, I am no exception clearly.” Cas offered a weak smile, but he seemed out of sorts and Sam got the feeling it wasn’t because of Sam’s presence.

“Yeah well, apology still stands. I hope we can still be friends.”

“Of course, Sam I would like that.”

“Good, well, I mean, Jess and I got a new place couple of hours away in Meridian and we’re having a housewarming party on Sunday night if you fancied it.”

Cas smiled, genuinely in a way that reached his eyes. “Yes, Sam I would like that very much.”

“Great. Dean can probably give you a ride up and yeah, I’ll see you Sunday.”

“Great.”

“I’ll leave you to your run, I have to go and see Dean about a few things, might catch you at the gym later.”

Cas followed Sam out of the house, locking up behind himself and tucking the key down his sock. Sam didn’t miss the way he scanned the surroundings before nodding at Sam and heading off in the opposite direction at a fair lick.

……………………………………..

“Hey Dean.”

Dean pulled himself out from underneath the mustang he was working on and looked up at his ginormous brother with a look of confusion.

“Shouldn’t you be at Work?”

“I took the day off.”

Dean stood up in alarm. “Who are you and what have you done with my brother?”

Sam just sighed and shook his head fondly. “I’m doing as you asked, came to say sorry to Cas.”

“How did that go?” Dena asked calmly.

“Pretty well I think… apart from the fact he greeted me with a knife.” Dean chuckled at the thought. “No yeah it went well.” Sam continued. “He’s surprisingly forgiving.”

“I told you he’s been on edge and yeah, he is. He’s a nice guy Sam, I told you that, you’ve seen it yourself.”

“Yeah, I know, you can drop the defensiveness Dean, we’re good now. That’s partly why I’m here… Jess and I found a house and we’re having a housewarming. Cas agreed to come, was hoping you’d drive him.”

“So… you’re not coming back here?”

“No Dean. I know its safe now, but Jess I needed our space, its only in Meridian and I’m still working in the city.”

“Yeah, sure no, I’ll miss you of course, but I knew it was only temporary. I’m sorry for dragging you away from her in the first place, you don’t deserve this mess of a big brother.”

“Shut up Dean, I wouldn’t be anything without you and you know that. You’ve helped me through more messes than I can count, one bad break up hardly makes up even.”

“I suppose.”

“Besides, you don’t need me looking out for you now.”

“Why?” Dean asked intrigued.

“You have Cas, it’s obvious he cares about you. Never seen you hit it off with someone like you hit it off with him.”

“Yeah, I suppose. He’s a good friend.” Dean smiled, mind wandering back to Castiel.

“Yeah sure.” Sam smirked, but Dean didn’t notice. “What’s with his house anyway. There’s nothing in it?”

“Tell me about it, the guy is the definition of… different.”

“Yeah well, anyway the party is on Sunday, you can come any time from 12.”

“Yeah, cheers Sammy. You free for lunch?”

“I have to be back for 4pm to pick up Jess, but I have half an hour to kill. Thought you’d be heading to the gym?”

“Nah, let’s go to the roadhouse. Truth is, I’m knackered. Benny got me whipped.”

“I noticed.” Sam chuckled.

……………………………………..


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its been a bit of a wait. I'll try and get two chapters up for you today :)

“Leave it be Cas.” Dean chuckled as Cas kept scratting frustratedly at his hair. At first, he’d just been patting it at lightly, but now he was tearing at it in a vain attempt to make it flatter. But his hair refused, in fact it seemed to spring up higher in defiance at each attempt to tame it.

“It never behaves.” Cas huffed.

“And what, you think you can teach it a lesson? It’s hair Cas! Carry on like that and you won’t have any left.”

“Why won’t it go flat for one day in its miserable life?” Cas grumbled.

“Cas it suits you messy, for crying out loud leave it be!” Dean chuckled, not really understanding why Cas was getting so wound up over it.

“I don’t care, I want it to go flat.” Cas growled.

Dean just laughed as he aimed the car for a layby on their side of the road and took his foot off the gas. “You’re damn right adorable when you’re angry you know that?” Dean said and then instantly flushed when he realised the words had been spoken out loud.

“Shut up Dean” Cas chuntered and carried on messing with his hair as Dean pulled the car to a stop. “Why have we stopped?” Cas asked in confused.

“If it means that much to you, here, let me fix your damn hair.” Dean rolled his eyes and Cas tilted his head to the side in intrigue. Yep, definitely adorable.

Dean reached into the back of the car and pulled out a water bottle wetting a few of his fingers he tried to smooth damn the few strands.

“Huh.” Dean huffed in amusement.

“What?”

“It is a bit difficult isn’t it?” Dean conceded.

“You’re telling me. I’ve lived with it for 40 years!”

Dean suddenly smirked an evil smirk. “I think I have just the thing.” He picked up the bottle again and then emptied it over Cas’ head. Cas gasped and swatted the bottle out of Dean’s hand forcefully as water ran down his head and soaked his t-shirt.

“What the hell Dean!”

“Well… you wanted it flat.” Dean shrugged.

Cas locked him with a steely, angry gaze and Dean’s face fell from stifled amusement at his own joke to concern. Cas swiftly reached into the back of the car and into the bag of food they’d picked up earlier from the diner. More specifically he reached into Dean’s food bag and pulled out the pie.

“No…” Dean started, eyes widening in horror.

But Cas didn’t stop, didn’t flinch, he simply kept his eyes fixed on Dean, opening the container and lifting out the pie.

“Cas…” Dean said, uncertainly,

Then Cas stuffed half the pie into his mouth and started chewing triumphantly.

“You didn’t!” Dean squeaked, utterly taken aback.

Cas’ face suddenly lit up in surprise and he moaned. “Oh my God that’s actually really good!”

“That’s because it’s mine, you little shit!”

Dean wrestled the pie in Cas’ hands and pushed the whole thing into his face, smearing Cas’ face with cream. Cas gasped and snorted, wiping his face and flinging it back in Dean’s face.

“No, No, No, not in Baby you don’t!” Dean said. Popping open the door and yanking Cas out with him. Dean grabbed another water bottle, but Cas disarmed him quickly and emptied it onto Dean’s pants and t-shirt.

The pair gathered their arsenal from the food bags and retreated to opposing sides of the Impala. Cas’s cake was thrown into Dean’s face, fries ended up in Cas’ hair along with the cream, a bread bun from Cas’ burger slapped Dean hard in the face, whilst Cas ended up covered in ketchup. Finally out of Ammo Cas leapt over the bonnet of the impala and tackled Dean to the ground.

Their wrestling was cut off by the brief whir of a police siren as a cop car pulled up seeing the two men rolling around on the round on the asphalt.

“Sir’s what is going on here?” The officer demanded as he climbed out of the driving seat. He saw the red splattered on Cas’ shirt and coat and instantly drew his gun. “Sir are you hurt?”

Cas took one look at the officer and started howling with laughter, which only set Dean off as well. They didn’t resist as they were dragged to their feet by the officers and pinned against the impala, still unable to compose themselves. The officer wiped some of the red off Cas’ shirt and looked to his partner.

“Ketchup.” He rolled his eyes.

“I’m sorry officer, I wasn’t aware there were laws against having food fights on the side of the highway.” Dean choked through his laughter.

“Are you boy’s drunk?” The second officer asked angrily.

“No, honest to God Officer, We’re not drunk.” Dean assured, tears in his eyes.

“Well, forgive me if I don’t take your word for it. License and registration please.”

Dean and Cas each blew into the tube as and when directed, still struggling to contain their laughter.

“I’m really sorry officers, we just had a bit of a food fight and got carried away. We didn’t mean to waste your time.”

“Yeah, well, don’t let it happen again boys, be on your way.”

…………………………………………

“Dean, Cas… What the?” Sam asked as he opened the door and took in the appearance of the two grinning fools, covered in head to toe with various food stains which had been badly wiped off.

“Hello Sam.” Cas said with a grin.

“We might need to clean up a bit before the other’s arrive.” Dean smirked.

“I can see that.” Sam said with a frown. “How?”

“We had a food fight at the side of the road and then nearly got arrested.” Cas smiled as if it was the most normal thing in the world and Jess couldn’t hold in her giggle.

“You know what? I’m sorry I asked.” Sam sighed.

“Bathroom upstairs on the left for you Castiel, Dean you can use the kitchen sink.” Jess rolled her eyes.

“It’s nice to meet you Jess, I apologise for the state I’m in. I also did bring you both a gift for the meal, but I appear to be wearing most of it.”

“It’s nice to meet you too Castiel and don’t worry about it. Come on in, the other’s will be here soon.”

…………………………………………..

It had been a great evening. Dean had been a little nervous about how Cas would interact with his little family of very random personalities, but it had been a resounding success, the highlight of which had been the perplexed and shocked look on Cas’ face when after 20minutes of chatting to Charlie she had just declared Cas her best friend and pulled him into a hug. He seemed a lot happier than he’d seen him in a while. He’d got his splints off a few days earlier and Dean had noticed himself flexing his hands at every given opportunity to get the feel of them again.

Bobby and Ellen disappeared off into the kitchen at some point around 9pm and Dean was surprised to find that Cas was some sort of science nerd, because the conversation he was having with Sam, Charlie and Kevin when he wandered past to refill chip bowl sounded like something out of star trek.

It was starting to get late and a movie was playing in the background as the low-level chatter continued in the room. Dean was suddenly hit by how tired he was. Jess and Sam were snuggled next to each other on the couch, Cas sat at the other end was staring at the TV screen with a slight frown as he tried to follow the plot of Back to the Future III. They probably should have watched the first movie first, but Dean loved that face Cas pulled when he was confused and the way he tilted his head to the side was damn right adorable. Both Jess and Charlie had commented on it and Sam had been giving Dean and Cas funny half suggestive looks all night.

It had been a really long day. Dean would probably ask Sam if he could stay over when everyone had gone. It was a long drive back and usually that didn’t phase him, but Dean really didn’t feel up to it tonight. He’d have fallen asleep ages ago if it weren’t for the blue eyes that kept flicking to him every now and again. And he’d drunk too much, so driving was not really an option in the first place. He had noticed that Cas hadn’t had anything but water, but best friend or not he wasn’t handing him the keys to baby.

Jo, Charlie and Kevin were currently fighting over the beanbag on the floor and Ellen was muttering something about it bursting, but Bobby just laughed and pushed her back into her chair. It was nice. It was really nice. Dean hadn’t been this happy in a long time.

It was a little after 10:30pm when he could see people glancing at the clock and starting to think about leaving, but it was clear no one wanted to. Sam and Jess would have told them all to stay if they had more than one spare bedroom and a couch to sleep them, but it was their first house and not exactly a mansion.

Dean’s eyes were drawn back to Cas instinctively, he’d kept himself to himself the past few hours, which was nothing unusual he supposed, but there had been something a little vacant in his eye all evening that had Dean a little concerned. But now his eyes were closed in a frown and he seemed like he was trying to control his breathing. Was his shoulder bothering him again? Cas had mentioned it sometimes ached and he had been resting on it heavily earlier in the car, and the food fight probably hadn’t helped matters.

He waited till Cas opened his eyes and tried to draw his attention discretely. He knew Cas hated a fuss, but the way Cas looked straight through him while he raised his hand in the symbol for ‘ok?’ suddenly had his stomach dropping through his feet. Cas’ eyes looked vacant and disorientated, he blinked a few times, but even as Dean got up and moved towards him, his eyes didn’t move from the spot.

“Cas?” Dean asked quietly, putting a firm but gentle hand on his shoulder, there was no response at all from the man, who was now sitting quite stiff and twitching ever so slightly.

“Damn.” Dean hissed quietly, but he had already figured out what was happening.

“Cas, you ok? You’re at Sam’s, remember?”

“Dean? Cas?” Sam asked in concern. Jess sat up from her finance’s arms looking at the man sat next to them on the sofa, staring blankly into space.

“Just give me some space.” Dean asked his brother and the pair of them got up off the sofa, giving Dean and Cas some room.

“Cas, can you hear me?” Dean tried again, but Cas wasn’t there.

“Dean what’s happening?” Charlie asked, her voice scared.

“Is he ok?” Kevin asked.

“Leave them be.” Ellen ordered. Standing up and chaperoning most of the others into the kitchen.

“Can you hear me? Cas?” Dean kept trying gently until about 90 seconds later Cas blinked and turned to him, his eyes groggy and confused.

“Dean?”

“Yeah Cas, it’s me. What’s going on?”

“I don’t feel good.” Cas grimaced and clenched his temples between his fingers, taking a long shaky breath out.

“OK, it’s ok.” Dean comforted. “I think you just had a little seizure.” Dean saw Sam and Bobby exchange a worried and shocked look, but they didn’t say anything.

“Do you know where you are?” Dean tried.

Cas took a moment and looked around a little vacantly. “I don’t know.”

“That’s ok.” Dean nodded. “Take your time. Do you want some water?”

“No, I feel sick.” Cas said, but his hand ghosted up and rested on his chest as he continued to take long breaths out.

“Ok.” Dean nodded at Cas, but Sam seemed to get the memo, slipping out into the kitchen. Dean just kept his arm on Cas’ shoulder as the man tried to get his bearings. Then Cas started sniffing the air and Dean frowned.

“You smell something Cas?” Dean asked.

“Someone’s burning the pie.” Cas’ voice hitched mid-sentence and Dean knew instantly this wasn’t over. Smelling burning was a sign of an oncoming seizure, he’d read that online.

“Right lay down, lay down.” Dean said urgently but kept the calm in his voice. As Bobby moved in to help Cas went rigid and his head twitched violently.

“Ok Cas, Easy, Easy. It’s Ok.” Dean soothed.

They got Cas on his back on the sofa before his eyes rolled back in his skull and his breath came in noisy, strangled grunts to the point where it sounded like he was choking.

“On his side.” Dean ordered, and Bobby helped roll him. Dean shoved a pillow from the couch under his head and took a deep breath.

“It’s ok buddy.” Dean grunted, struggling to keep the writhing man on his side. He felt sick watching Cas convulse underneath him and he just kept saying the work “OK.” On repeat. He wasn’t sure whether he was comforting Cas or trying to convince himself that this was ok. Because it wasn’t.

“Jesus Christ!” Sam exclaimed as he walked back in, Ellen on his shoulder. He set down the water and rushed in to help.

“It’s ok Sam, we got it.” Bobby nodded.

“What can we do?” Sam asked

“Start a timer.” Dean said, before returning his attention to Cas.

It seemed like an eternity before Cas’ body grew still and Dean let him roll back onto his back. Cas’s breathing was still ragged and his eyes completely blank.

“Ok Cas, can you see me? Can you hear me?” There was no response and Dean sighed.

“Do we need to call an ambulance?” Bobby asked.

“How long was the seizure?”

“3 and half minutes.” Sam said shakily, looking at his stopped timer.

“Ermmm, No.” Dean nodded and Cas groaned. “Hey Cas, its Dean. You’re at Sam and Jess’ house, you had a seizure.”

Cas was blinking now, but he didn’t seem to hear.

“Is this normal?” Bobby asked.

“Apparently it can take a little time to become fully aware after a seizure.” Sam said, looking at his phone screen. He’d been pulling up articles online in panic; it wasn’t often that Sam didn’t know what to do and he hated when he didn’t.

“Hey Cas?” Dean tried.

“Yes?” Cas replied, and Dean smiled in relief.

“Do you know where you are?”

Cas blinked and grunted. “Sam and Jess’s house.”

“Yeah, that’s right. Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Seizure?” Cas asked uncertainly.

“Yeah buddy, quite a big one, anything hurt?”

“My head.” Cas sighed.

“You feel sick?”

“Yes.”

“Are you going to be sick?” Dean asked concernedly.

“No.” Cas said after some consideration.

“Ok good.” Dean nodded, loosening his grip on Cas’ shoulder. “Do you want to try and sit up?”

“No.” Cas said tiredly.

“Ok.” Dean breathed as Cas closed his eyes and relaxed back into the cushions.

“My head hurts.” He whined.

“I know Buddy, I’m sorry.” Dean soothed. “It’s going to be fine, I’ve got you. Just breathe.”

Dean let the tension out in the form of a shaky sigh as he turned to Sam. “Can Cas stay tonight?”

“Oh God, Yeah, Of course. Shall I go tell the others?”

“Tell Jess, I’ll fill everyone else in later. Cas doesn’t like people knowing.”

“Dean?”

“Yeah Cas I’m here.” Dean knelt back down beside Cas and the man immediately fisted his hand into Dean’s shirt. “OK buddy, I’m not going anywhere.” He smiled softly, but Cas looked dreadful. He was such a god-awful colour that Dean was really quite worried.

Dean gave him a good 15 minutes until Cas seemed to be a little more responsive and the colour was returning to his face before he asked another question.

“I know how comfy this sofa is, but do you think you could get upstairs to bed? You can stay the night here and I’ll drive you home in the morning.”

“I don’t want to be a burden.”

“You’re not a burden Cas.”

“Then, yes, Thank you.” Cas sighed and sat himself up gently. Dean was there and ready, but he didn’t hover. Cas seemed surprisingly normal at this point, he just looked exhausted and it showed in his movements and the way he swayed just a little when he stood.

Dean followed him upstairs in relative silence. Cas moved slowly, but he seemed steady, but Dean didn’t stray far.

“I got a t-shirt and some sweat pants for you to sleep in Cas, if you want it.” Sam offered, laying the neatly folded bundle on the bedside table.

“Thank you, Sam.”

“Take it easy Cas and holler if you need anything.” Sam said with a nervous nod and left them alone in the room.

“You good?” Dean asked as he hovered at the door to give him some privacy.

“Yes, Dean I am ok.” Cas sighed.

“Ok, I’ll be right outside.” Dean nodded, leaving Cas in peace to get changed. He decided in the end to go downstairs and fetch that glass of water, leaving Cas enough time to get into bed before he wandered back up. He knocked on the door and was happy to see Cas already curled up under the covers and looking quite restful when he was told to come in.

“I brought you some water.”

“Thanks.” Cas muttered tiredly.

“Do you have any meds with you?”

“No.” Cas replied.

“Are they at your house? I can go back and get them if you need them.”

“I don’t take anything Dean it’s fine.”

Dean frowned. He didn’t know much but he knew they have drugs for this sort of thing. Maybe they just didn’t work for Cas, he’d read a few stories online where that was the case, nevertheless he’d worry about that in the morning.

“Sure. You get some rest, don’t worry about getting up in the morning and call if you need anything.”

Cas nodded, and Dean made his way to the door.

“Dean?” Cas called

“Yeah.”

“Stay?” Cas sounded almost… timid and it broke Dean’s heart.

“Sure, I’ll stay.” Dean crawled on top of the covers, settling on the edge of the bed next to Cas.

He lay back and looked at the ceiling, trying to convince himself that this was definitely not weird, and the guy had just had a seizure, of course he wouldn’t want to be alone. About half an hour later he was definitely not enjoying the way Cas had slowly gravitated towards Dean in his sleep and was now curled up into Dean’s side like some sort of adorable kitten. And of course, he didn’t mean adorable and Cas was not a kitten, he was more like a Tiger, strong and lean and ferocious and… why was he still thinking about Cas? He needed to think of something else. God Cas’s looked gorgeous with bed head, he just wanted to run his fingers through that soft black messiness and he realised a few seconds later that he was. What the hell was he doing, that was just creepy? He jolted, and Cas grumbled in annoyance. Dean forced himself to relax.

“Sorry.” He whispered, and Cas hummed contentedly, nuzzling into Dean’s ribs before settling.

Dean fell asleep, warm relaxed and contented and dreamt of blue eyes.

…………………………..


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well 2nd chapter today for you guys.  
> Enjoy.

Dean woke up with an almighty crick in his neck and something heavy on his chest. He smiled when he saw it was Cas’ head. God that dude was a clingy sleeper, but he looked absolutely adorable nestled on Deans chest like that. Dean realised he’d draped his own arm unconsciously over Cas in his sleep. He should be panicking at the awkwardness of this situation, but he just wasn’t. It was nice. Besides he didn’t want Cas to feel bad, so he just ruffled his hair fondly to see how deeply asleep the man was.

Cas stirred almost immediately which shocked Dean a little. Blue eyes filled his vision as they went from content, to confused, to embarrassed and Cas sat up quickly.

“I’m so sorry Dean, I get inappropriately clingy after a seizure. If I make you uncomfortable you must just stop me.” Cas ranted looking away in shame and Dean’s heart sunk.

“No Man. Don’t worry about it, I don’t mind at all.” Dean said gently, putting a hand on Cas’ shoulder, and it couldn’t me truer. He missed out the fact that it was kind of nice, he didn’t want to sound like a creep after all.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you to stay, you probably haven’t slept at all.” Cas sighed.

“Cas relax.” Dean begged and the man turned back towards him despondently. “Cas, I’m your friend and you had a seizure. Whatever you need man it’s fine. You didn’t make me uncomfortable, believe me I would have bolted if you had. Ask Sammy. I’m a coward underneath all this manliness.”

Cas blushed and smiled a little at Dean’s joke. Dean smiled back.

“You don’t have to get up yet either, just take your time today. If you need me to ring anyone or cancel any appointments just let me know and I’ll take you home when you’re ready.”

“Thank you, Dean. I was supposed to Meet Meg I think... it will be in my phone if I was and If you could ring her?”

“I’m on it. Do you want any breakfast?”

“No thank you, I’m not very hungry.”

“Well, I’m making bacon and pancakes, enough to feed an army so there’ll be plenty if you change your mind.”

Dean slipped downstairs, checking the time and finding Cas’s coat and phone in the hallway. It was 10:30 so they hadn’t slept in really… not by Dean’s standards anyway. Dean hadn’t expected Cas to wake till after midday, but Sam and Jess would have gone off to work by now. That’s why when he made his way downstairs he was very surprised, so see Sam sitting in the living room in his monkey suit, seemingly waiting for him.

“Why aren’t you at work already?” Dean asked quietly.

“I wanted to make sure Cas was ok. Jess is covering for me.” Sam smiled weakly. Bless his brother, he cared too much sometimes, but it was nice to see that more than just Dean had Cas’ back now.

“Yeah, he seems ok this morning. I’m keeping an eye on him and I’ll take him home when he’s ready.”

“Dean…”

“I know you want to talk about it Sammy. But Cas is ok. You go to work and don’t worry. I’ll keep texting you and I’ll come over tonight and explain everything to you both.”

“Thank you, Dean.”

“Have a good day bitch.”

“Jerk!” Sam yelled as the front door shut.

Dean considered just texting Meg as he got the bacon from the fridge but the string of angry texts demanding to know where the hell ‘Clarence’ was enough to make him press dial.

“Clarence! You stood me up.” Meg growled and Dean shivered. Jesus that woman was scary.

“Not Cas Meg, it’s Dean. Cas asked me to ring.” He said nervously.

“Well this is interesting.” And Meg’s tone just did a U-turn.

“He wasn’t very well last night so he stayed with me, he’s not up yet.”

“Oh, I see. He’s not very well is he?” And Dean could hear the sarcasm and intrigue in her voice.

“No really Meg, he had a seizure. Grand mal.” Dean sighed.

“Oh.” Meg’s tone changed completely again. “Is he ok?” She almost sounded concerned.

“He’s fine just tired.” Dean reassured gently.

“Make sure he eats. He’ll say he’s not hungry, but he has to eat.”

“Thanks Meg, I will.”

“Tell him I’ll come and check on him this evening.”

“I’ll pass it on.”

“And Dean… thanks for looking after him.”

“No problem.”

Dean sighed as Meg hung up and looked at his own phone.

_Jess: Hope you’re ok. I’ve gone to work. Sam is waiting for you._

_Charlie: Tell Castiel we’re thinking of him. Hope he’s ok._

_Bobby: You have the day off. I don’t want to see you unless you need to talk. Update me on Castiel when you can._

_Ellen: Look after yourself today Dean, I hope both you boys are ok. I made Bobby give you the day off._

_Kevin: Is Cas ok?_

_Sam: I’m downstairs when you wake up. Text me if you need anything._

_Benny: Let me know if you’re coming in today, couple of people are wanting to Spar._

_Sam: Are you ok? Text me when you wake up please._

_Jo: Bobby says if you come into work today he’ll ring your neck._

The last one made Dean smile. Typical Jo.

He fired back a quick text to each of them and paused before he replied to Benny, deciding instead to pick up the phone.

“Hey brother, we doing morning phone calls now?”

“Very funny. I just thought it would be easier than replying to your text.”

“You up for it then?”

“I’m not sure… maybe later, but I’m not sure if or when I’ll be able to make it in.”

“Is something up?” Benny’s voice twisted in concern.

“We were having a little get together last night at my brother’s house.”

“And you didn’t invite me?” Benny sounded mock offended. “You should come in a) so I can beat you ass and b) it’s a damn good hangover cure.”

“No Benny it’s not like that. It’s… Cas had a seizure and he stayed over, so I don’t know when I’ll be able to leave him alone.”

Benny was silent for a moment. “They’re getting worse.” He said gravely.

“I feared they might be. Is he not on any Meds?”

“He should be, but the stubborn ass won’t take them.”

“Why?” Dean asked, thoroughly confused.

“I don’t know. Because he’s an idiot.”

Dean scoffed.

“He’ll want to come in this afternoon. He likes to get back to normal, pretend it never happened.”

“Right and you’re ok with that?”

“It means we can keep an eye on him at least.”

“Great, I’ll bring him in later if he asks and give you fair warning.”

“I appreciate it brother.”

Benny hung up when Dean heard footsteps on the stairs.

“Hey, get enough sleep?”

“Yes, thank you Dean.” Cas smiled and yawned simultaneously.

“Pancakes are nearly ready. I know you’re not hungry, but I tried a new recipe, so you’d be doing me a favour before I feed them to Sam and Jess and poison them.”

“You are using me a test to see that you won’t poison your brother.” Cas chuckled with a raised eyebrow and damn…

“Well, it wouldn’t poison _him_ I suppose, but it might poison us. He’s gone all Vegan and gluten free and that nonsense and I can’t find any proper ingredients in the house. He only has bacon because Jess begged me to bring some for her, poor woman.”

“I tried being Vegan a few years ago. I am right on the limit of my weight category, so I was constantly changing my diet to try and stay a middleweight.”

“Huh really. How was it?” Dean asked, hoping to God he hadn’t just offended Cas.

“I lasted 3 days and drove to the nearest burger joint. My nutritionist had a fit.”

“Oh, I knew there was a reason I liked you.” Dean slapped him across the shoulders and the pair of the broke into laughter.

“These are gross.” Dean exclaimed, after a few mouthfuls of the vegan pancakes he’d tried to make.

“I think you may have left something off the recipe.” Cas chuckled. “I do not think they are supposed to be this consistency.”

“Right, abort mission, let’s eat the bacon and go find a diner.”

“I approve that plan.” Cas grinned.

…………………………

Dean was worried by how little Cas ate. Even after the seizure the guy would barely touch his food. He imagined his appetite would be pretty shit after writhing around on the floor, but still the guy worked out like 6 hours a day and the only time Dean had seen him eat was when Dean took him out to the diner or Benny shoved something in his hands.

“Benny?”

“Yes Cher?”

Dean sighed. It had been three days and although Cas had just jumped back into his normal rhythm Dean was still a bit shook. And he was worried. He had so many questions, but he’d also told Cas so many time he wouldn’t pry… but he cared so damn much it was killing him not knowing everything.

“I know about Cas’ TBI, but have you noticed how little he eats?” Dean probed. “Is it connected?”

Benny sighed. “Look Dean, brother…” Benny started, then reconsidered. “You know what, I trust you, you’ve looked out for him. You’re friends, right?”

“Yeah, I mean of course… I’m just worried about him.”

“Step into my office, let’s take this somewhere private.” Benny lead him into the small box office full of messy paper stacks and CCTV monitors. “No, he doesn’t eat enough, but I think its habit as much as anything.”

“Habit?”

“A lifetime of fighting to keep inside his weight class, he had some very bad coaching early on with nutrition and his last coach before me pretty much made him starve himself.”

“Why are there so many idiots out there?” Dean growled.

“Where there’s money, there’s people who will try to do anything to get their fighters to win. I think that’s why Cas is so against medication, even for his epilepsy, he was so focused on being 100% clean, I have to practically force painkillers down his throat after he pops his damn shoulder.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, he’s a stubborn bastard but doesn’t like confrontation.”

“A boxer who doesn’t like confrontation.” Dean chuckled.

“I know, he’s a freak of nature. But push back too hard and he will shut you out. I learnt that the hard way.”

“What about… What about self harm?” Dean said tentatively, and Benny turned sharply.

“He’s doing that again?” Benny asked urgently.

“So, he has done it in the past?” Dean sighed sadly, his suspicions confirmed.

“Dean, you need to tell me what you know, now!” Benny demanded.

“I don’t know anything for sure… I went to his the night after the Alastair incident and he was off his head drunk.”

“He got drunk?” Benny rubbed his head in frustration. “Idiot!!”

“Why is that bad?”

“It can bring on a seizure. He was damn lucky it didn’t.” Benny growled. “God I should beat his ass for this… sorry Dean, carry on.”

“Right, well, he said something… I mentioned how his hands were messed up and he said, he said pain helps and then I noticed his chest.”

“He showed you the scars?” Benny frowned in surprise.

“No, he was wearing a dressing gown and it was open.”

“Were any fresh?”

“There was maybe one or two that I could see, but I… it was like centimetres of skin man before he pulled it closed. He doesn’t remember though, thank God for alcohol.”

“Ok we need to keep an eye out.” Benny said sternly.

“I’m not asking you to tell me his whole life story Benny, I do respect his privacy, but is there anything I need to know, any signs I should look out for?”

“He has a very messed up past and I only know half of it. Most of his scars aren’t self-inflicted. He only started hurting himself after the head injury and yes, he has tried to kill himself before…”

Dean staggered in surprise. Cas had tried to kill himself? But the guy was so damn strong, confident, sure of himself… but he supposed he had seen a glimpse of it the other night, the demons Cas was hiding.

“But he’s been ok for a long time.” Benny continued. “Meg is surprisingly good at keeping him stable, which makes no sense because she’s the most unstable person I have ever met.”

“Maybe two broken halves can make a whole.” Dean shrugged still reeling in shock.

“That’s scarily deep brother.”

“Yeah, I’ve been like that a lot lately, must be something in the water in this place.”

“Don’t tell Clarence that he’ll get paranoid.” Meg said, bursting in the door.

“Meg when this door is closed that means…”

“Yeah, whatever Benny, I left my coat in here.”

“Benny?” Cas’ voice broke through.

“Hiya Clarence, ears burning?” Meg smirked

Cas cocked his head to the side and Meg ruffled his hair. “Isn’t he adorable?” She said fondly.

Dean just chuckled at his friend’s confusion.

“I don’t understand?” Cas said, trying to flatten the hair back down, but failing miserably.

“Leave it Cas it looks fine. You want Lunch, Benny?” Dean offered.

“Sure.” Benny nodded.

“Errmm Benny?” Cas asked, looking sheepish and a little guilty.

“What did you break?” Benny sighed.

“How…”?

“It’s written all over your face, you’re no poker player.”

“The bench… and your hockey stick.”

Dean smirked in amusement, but internally realised it was a little concerning.

“What the… how?” Benny stammered.

Cas opened his mouth to answer, but never got to speak.

“You know what don’t answer that, I don’t want to know. I’ll be with you in 10 for lunch and you’re paying.” He pointed at Cas.

……………………………..

Meg sighed as she watched her latest PT client did what she’d told him not to do for the 15th time in a row.

“Did I get it that time?”

“Yeah sure.” Meg said with a sickeningly false smile. “Great job. Three more sets and we’ll move on.”

She resisted the urge to strangle the man, or herself as she looked around the gym for an alternative form of entertainment. No one was sparing, in fact, no one seemed to be doing anything. Three guys in the corner looked just about done with the punchbags and were just chatting on the benches. She knew Dean and Clarence were in the backroom, doing whatever it was they did back there. All she knew is that she was never accepting a 2-hour, PT booking every again.

She carried on with her false persona for another half hour before she felt close to reaching absolute boiling point. God, she needed to hang out with Clarence after this. He was the only one she could be herself around and hell be damned if she didn’t need to unload and unwind after this farce. How Benny had persuaded her to do this shitty job, she didn’t know. She hated people and people generally hated her. Then she realised it wasn’t Benny really that persuaded her at all. Benny had offered, but it had been that damned angel that had convinced her it would be a good way to earn money.

“Damn you Clarence.” She muttered under her breath and as if on cue, the Angel himself walked out of the backroom onto the main gym floor with a smile on his face. He’d been doing that a lot lately, Meg mused. Smiling that was. Clarence was sweet underneath his ‘warrior of God’ exterior, but he was by all accounts a bit of a grump with a stick up his ass and a completely literal outlook on everything. She had never minded, he amused her, and she liked winding him up a little. He didn’t mind it much either and he was definitely cute when he was flustered. They were both different, outsiders and maybe that’s why they got on. Meg wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

But Clarence just hadn’t been that way in a while. He was different, still Clarence, but he was happier, lighter… hell funnier even. He was definitely still an adorably awkward dork, but whatever spending time with Dean was doing to him, she had to say it suited him.

Clarence turned, having picked up an extra dumbbell and headed back where he came from, only at the door he ran straight into Dean and they bumped chests.

What happened next Meg really hadn’t expected.

Instead of moving out of each other’s way, they both froze. Eyes connected, faces hovered close together, bodies separated only by a few inches of air. And while Clarence’s eyes were fixed on Dean’s face, Dean’s wandered down the other man’s body.

“Sorry.” Clarence broke the moment, stepping aside and Dean visibly swallowed.

“You got it?”

“Yeah.” Cas smiled holding up the dumbbell and Dean’s eyes snapped to Clarence’s straining, bulging bicep.

“Cool.” Dean’s cheeks grew red and they both disappeared into the back room out of sight.

Well, wasn’t that interesting.

…………………………

Benny had noticed it too. Well, it wasn’t exactly that hard when it was being shoved in you face every 5 minutes.

Whenever Dean thought Novak wasn’t looking he stared at the man, as if he were unable to take his eyes off him. If he got caught, he blushed and turned away, rubbing the back of his neck. Novak on the other hand wasn’t so discrete. He just stared, unabashedly, at Dean almost all the time. When Dean walked in his face lit up and visa versa.

The goddamn eye contact was reaching near pornographic levels and quite frankly it was getting uncomfortable to be around the pair of them.

Benny shook his head and chuckled to himself. Those damn boys.

“Hey Benny Clarence in?” Meg said, looking unusually troubled.

“In the back with Dean as usual.”

“Is Clarence gay Benny?” Meg blurted out and Benny held back a chuckle. Meg had seen it too then.

“How the hell should I know?” Benny scoffed.

“You’ve known him longer than me.”

“You’re the one he goes all psycho for when you get upset.” Benny countered and then pondered on his own point.

“I flirt with him, he flirts back, but he’s not into me Benny. I’ve never seen him that close to anyone but Deano.”

“You think Cas is Gay for Dean?” Benny said, feigning obliviousness.

“Come on Benny, just go watch them for 5 minutes, those long intense stares, gazing into each other’s eyes. No one’s ever made Cas laugh like that.”

“Why are you all het up on this Meg, you jealous?” He teased.

“No Benny I’m worried about him.”

“Dean’s a good guy Meg, why would you be worried?”

“I’m worried because Cas might be falling head over heels for someone who’s the definition of a guy with toxic masculinity and more likely than not he’s straight as they come.”

Benny chuckled.

“What?”

“I may have only known Dean a few months, but the way he and Novak are… Whether or not he cares to admit it, he definitely swings both ways.”

“Well that’s worse.”

“How is that worse?”

“Cas is too damn naïve to deal with someone stuck so far in he’s closet he’s looking for Narnia.”

“Meg, you need to back off, yes Cas can be a bit naïve, but he’s not an idiot and he sure as hell can look after himself. He certainly won’t take any shit from Dean, or anyone else for that matter.”

Meg sighed. “I know Benny. I just…”

“Heartless Meg Masters cares for someone other than herself.”

“Shut up.”

“It’s not a bad thing Meg and he cares about you too. It’s about time you let someone in.”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“I mean it Meg. You may have a messed up past but that don’t have to be your future.”

“Thanks Benny.”

……………………………..


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are moving...

“I need to hit something.” Cas barged in the back door while Dean was sat on the bench wrapping his hands.

“Bad morning?” Dean started and then taking in Cas incredibly dishevelled appearance he readjusted. “Bad night?”

“Don’t ask.” Cas grunted, and Dean resisted the urge to chuckle.

“Well, will punching leather do, or would you rather hit something that fights back?” Dean offered.

“I really don’t think sparring would be wise today Dean. I am not best known for self-control when I am in this mood.”

Dean balked a little. Well, shit. “Up to you, the offer’s there and you know I aint no push over.” He offered more hesitantly.

Cas seemed to consider for a moment before he wrenched his head guard out of his bag. “Fine.”

There was a palpable atmosphere as Dean stepped up to the ring. There was an intensity radiating from Castiel that was quite frankly frightening. He wondered if he used to use this in the ring, because anyone unlucky enough to be against him in the past would have quaking in their damn boots. He’d never seen Cas like this before, well, apart from when he was fighting Alastair outside the gym and man, was it different being on the receiving end.

And maybe Cas hadn’t been exaggerating when he said self-control was difficult for him in this state, barely giving Dean a second to breathe once he gave the nod to start Cas came at him. There was no sizing up, no dancing round the ring, just Cas’ fists and feet, moving furiously, pummelling Dean backwards and making it impossible to hold his ground. Dean soon gave up the offensive, practically running for the ropes, but Cas wasn’t giving him an inch. He was moving like a cheetah and Dean couldn’t get away. He was breathing heavy, sweating and aching. Cas had knocked the wind out of him in seconds and he couldn’t keep this up any longer. He backed himself up against the wall raising his hands in front of his face as Cas advanced again like he was lining up for the kill.

“Uncle! Uncle! I give up.” Dean gasped, still keeping his guard up in case Cas hadn’t heard him. But no further blows came and Dean dropped his hands in relief.

When he looked up Dean found his face hovering close to Cas’. Piercing blue eyes bore into him. All anger gone from his posture, Cas was no radiating a different energy. They were both breathing heavily, and he could feel Cas’s breath, warm on his face. He thought Cas would step away, but those blue eyes were trained on him in an unreadable expression. Dean knew what he wanted, but he was so afraid to take it. What if he was misreading the signs?

Cas surprised them both by moving first. He hadn’t notice Cas slip off his glove but suddenly there was a warm palm flattened on his chest as Cas took a step closer, pupils blown and eyes raking up and down Dean’s body hesitantly. That was all the incentive Dean needed, but Cas got there first. Their lips crashed together so swiftly that Dean felt the air get knocked out of him in. Cas pulled away after only a few moments and Dean gazed at him in surprise.

“Was that… I’m sorry I…” Cas stammered, trying to pull away in embarrassment.

“No Cas.” Dean smiled and shook his head, He slid off his own gloves and pushed his fingers through Cas’ hair, removing the headguard and guiding their lips back together. The kiss started slowly, but as soon as it had Dean realised he couldn’t control himself. It was sloppy and heated he barely was with it enough to realise Cas was having a hard time keeping up. It was amazing and electric, but Cas seemed inexperienced. Dean took advantage of Cas’ bewilderment pushing him against the wall he gripped Cas’ ass and the guy gasped and then moaned like a porn star. Dean felt blood race south and he knocked Cas’ legs apart with his knee and ground against him.

Cas screwed his eyes shut and moaned again, when his eyes opened his pupils were blown wide, his plump lips were a little red from where dean’s teeth had teased them and Cas’ hair was more wild than he’d ever seen it.

“God Cas you’re beautiful.” Dean hissed, taking in all of the dishevelled man in front of him and savouring the moment.

With that Cas attacked Dean’s neck, grinding against him like a horny teenager. Dean was going to lose it, right then if he wasn’t careful. He grabbed Cas by the hips and lifted him, Cas instinctively wrapped his legs round Dean’s waist, panting for air.

“Dean!” Cas gasped as the taller man ground against him again, but it was Dean’s turn to moan as Cas called his name. Dean lifted Cas away from the wall and gently lowered himself to his knees, Cas still in his arms. He lay Cas down on his back and hovered over him, eyes raking up and down Cas’ overly clothed body.

Dean wanted to rip that shirt from Cas’ chest, but thought better of it, Cas kept covered at all times for a reason so instead he travelled south, running his hands down Cas’ strong thighs and letting his hot breath tease Cas through the fabric of his shorts.

“Dean, dean, dean, dean.” Cas panted, the room getting fuzzy as pleasure took over. “I…”

Dean smiled evilly, moving back to suck hickies into his neck, slowing the pace, but Cas wasn’t having it. He grabbed deans’ hips and pulled them down, rutting against them and Dean whined.

“Clarence have you seen my…”?

Cas threw Dean off him and snapped to his feet, trying to flatten his hair and straighten his clothes. Dean was not far behind, turning his back and taking a breath, before rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. The loud scuffle had Meg’s attention snapping in their direction. 

“What…” Cas’ voice came out deep and a little hoarse, rumbling in a way that made Dean’s cheeks glow red. Cas cleared his throat, cheeks flushing in embarrassment as his voice came out more normally. “What are you looking for Meg?” He asked, trying and failing to look innocent.

Meg just stood, staring at them both mouth gaping before her lips twisted into a knowing smirk.

“About time boys.” She chuckled and slipped out of the room.

…………………………….

“Cas, I don’t mean to sound rude, but… why the hell do you live in a dump like this, you must be loaded with all the prize money whatever.”

“Sport is not as lucrative as it seems Dean, especially when you are not of the disposition to have your face plastered on the billboards or the side of buses for advertising income.”

“So, what, you’re skint?”

“Not quite Dean.” Cas chuckled. “I just prefer not to spend my money on pointless luxuries.”

“But seriously this place…”

“Dean.” Cas said, cutting him off. “Are we going to talk about what happened this morning or pretend it never happened?”

“Yeah, sure, I suppose we should.” Dean scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “So, what do you want to talk about?”

“Dean…” Cas sighed. “It’s not that I’m not attracted to you, I really am, quite evidently by my behaviour this morning, but…”

“Cas if you don’t want a relationship that’s fine…” Dean put his hands up, trying to save himself any hurt.

“No Dean, that’s not at all what I meant at all, it’s just I… we went a bit fast.” Cas admitted, looking a little ashamed.

“A bit fast?” Dean wasn’t sure what to say, Cas was suddenly looking very vulnerable.

“I’m sure you are experienced in relationships Dean, but I… I have never done this before.” Cas said rubbing a hand on the back of his neck and turning around a little, so he didn’t have to look Dean in the eye.

“What, not done it with a guy before…” Dean started, but the look of unease on Cas’ face told a different story. “You mean you’ve never done this at all?”

“No never.” Cas said quietly.

“But you’ve been on a date before, right?”

“No.”

“A kiss?”

“Dean please.” Cas looked down.

“I’m sorry Cas, I didn’t mean it like that, there’s nothing wrong with it, nothing at all, its just you’re so drop dead gorgeous I… I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.”

Cas sat down looking a little forlorn.

“Look, I have been with plenty of people Cas, but relationships? The only time I tried that, it went very badly wrong.”

Cas looked up with a frown. “Your ex?”

“Yes, my ex.” Dean sighed. “Look Cas, I want to get this right with you because how ever much I thought I loved Lisa, what I’m feeling for you right now, it doesn’t even compare. We take this at your pace.”

“Thank you, Dean, I would… I would like that.”

“So,” Dean said with a smile. “Can I take you out to Dinner Castiel?”

“I would like that very much Dean.” Cas smiled.

“Friday at 7?”

“Yes, that’s good. Just let me put it in my phone.”

………………….

“Sammy.” Dean smiled nervously, cell held a little too firmly in his hand.

“Hey Dean, what’s with the phone call?”

“What? I can’t call my little brother to see how he’s doing?”

“Dean, the only time you ring is if you need something or there’s been an emergency, so which is it.”

“Jees, neither.”

“Ok? You really just called for a chat.”

“Is that so hard to believe?”

“Ermm, yeah. So, how’s Cas. We’re all a bit worried.”

“Yeah, ermm. He’s great, I mean yeah seizures but…” Dean rambled.

“Dean what’s wrong?”

“Nothing actually, it’s a good thing. Or at least I think it is…”

“Dean spit it out already.”

“Its Cas… I, well I asked him out. We’re dating.”

There was a loud excited squeal from the other end of the line that caused Dean to hold his phone away from his ear. “Called it!” Jess squealed, and Dean groaned.

“You guys knew I liked him?”

“Duh.” Sam chuckled. “Though I just thought you saw him as a brother, Jess was the one who wagered that you like, like him.”

“I didn’t know I liked him till this morning.”

“Oh Hunny.” Jess chuckled. “I need details! Where are you taking him?”

“I don’t know yet Jees. Give me a break.”

Sam and jess just chuckled. “We’ve got to go Dean, we have a meet up with some friends.”

“Ok Baby bro have fun.”

“Get planning Dean, you better sweep him off his feet!” Jess called before the call ended.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Date night... but will it go to plan. Hint: Probably not.

Dean listened to the dial tone as he drove towards Cas’ house, it seemed like forever, but it finally went to voice mail.

“Hey Cas, just giving you a heads up I’m 10 minutes out, traffic is crap, so might be a bit late. See you soon.”

He hung up. Well, he was already late technically, and he was surprised that Cas hadn’t picked up. The guy was punctual to a fault. But maybe he was just busy with something. All it served to do was make Dean more nervous.

Dean didn’t really do dates. He did one night stands and getting drunk and generally being an ass. But he couldn’t do that with Cas, he deserved better and Dean _wanted_ to give him better. But how far are you supposed to go on a first date? Romantic dinner, movie theatre, most expensive restaurant in town? Did he wear a full-on suit, or jeans and a shirt? They were all things he’d considered; his pride had stopped him asking his brother for advice. In the end he’d gone with his gut.

Cas wasn’t fancy and Dean sure as hell wasn’t either. Fancy restaurants and expensive shit just wasn’t their style, so he’d told Cas to wear something comfortable and bring a coat, picked up Cas’ favourite from the roadhouse. He smiled at the thought of what he had planned. He was a little worried it was too simple, but equally he knew himself and he knew Cas and he had to trust his instincts.

He was 15 minutes late when he pulled up outside and it had indeed been 10minutes since he’d rung Cas. He checked his phone and they’d been no reply from the angel, so he took a deep breath before he stepped out the car and straightened himself out.

He looked down at the smart black button down and dark grey washed out jeans he was wearing. Smart-Casual was such a hard way to dress, especially when most of your wardrobe is sports gear or screams lumberjack.

He took another breath and fixed his eyes on Cas’ door. He could do this. It was just Cas for Christs sake, he’d know the guy months and they’d already been to goddamn second base. Cas was his best friend. And that’s exactly why he was scared. Yes, he wanted something more, but he didn’t want to lose what he already had.

“Stop being such a girl.” He growled to himself as he reached the front door and knocked three times. He took a step back from the doorstep and straightened himself out a final time.

But no one answered.

Dean counted to 60 in his head, not wanting to knock again too early… maybe Cas was in the bathroom or something, didn’t want to rush the guy, but when he got to 120 he tried again.

He knocked louder this time. Maybe Cas was out the back (if this house even had a back) or just hadn’t heard him.

When another minute passed he started to get antsy. Had he got the right Day? Was he later than he thought? Had Cas forgotten? Or had Cas changed his mind and didn’t want to see Dean?

He took a deep breath and put his fears aside picking up his phone. He got the voicemail again.

“Hey Cas, I’m outside yours…” Dean tried peering in the window, the curtains were drawn but there was definitely light behind them and Cas . “Your lights are on, but no ones answering so to speak… Just wondering where you are man.”

He hung up and knocked again, hammering on the door this time. Still nothing. He rang Cas phone again and then he heard it.

Cas’ ringtone, plain and boring and faint but… coming from inside the house.

“Cas!” Dean hammered on the door. What the hell was going on… then he tried the handle. It was open. Cas would never leave the door open he was way too paranoid… unless he’d left it open for Dean arriving… But why would he do that? Dean pushed into the house and heard it straight away.

“Cas!”

Dean ran into the living room, skidding to the floor at Cas side. The tell-tale thumps and involuntary grunts of Cas’ body seizing violently were all that could be heard in the otherwise silent house. Cas’ whole form was rigid and trembling violently, but not spasming like it had at Sam and Jess’.

Shit, how long had he been like this? Dean rolled him onto his side gently and checked his airway. He hadn’t been sick, but he’d clearly know this was coming. There was a pillow on the floor under his shoulder taken off the couch and his phone was only half a meter from him.

“I’m here Cas, it’s ok I got you.” Dean breathed shakily.

Cas hadn’t answered on the drive here… he could have been seizing for nigh on 20minutes and that was bad. That was very bad. Dean took a quick glance at Cas’ phone and saw a half-finished text.

To Dean: seiszu

But Cas hadn’t managed to press send. Why couldn’t the idiot have just written SOS. He picked up his own phone and dialled 911 with shaking fingers.

“Come on Cas, come back to me. Its going to be fine. I’m here.”

“911 What’s your emergency?”

“My boyfriend is having a seizure. He has a TBI and post traumatic epilepsy and...” Shit, Dean was shaking too much to think, between his own panic and Cas tremors…

“Ok, sir, What’s your name?” The calm voice grounded him.

“Dean.” He answered then realised she’d want his full name. “Dean Winchester.”

“And your boyfriend’s?”

“Cas, Castiel… Castiel Novak.” Dean stammered shaking his head in frustration.

“Thank you, Dean, how long has he been seizing?”

“I just got here, but he didn’t answer my calls, so it could have been 20 minutes or longer, that’s why I called. We’re on York street, he’s… he’s going blue I… I don’t know what to do, he needs help now!”

“EMT’s are on their way Sir. Does he have any medication? Injectable items such as Midazolam or Diazepam?”

“No, he doesn’t take any meds.”

“None at all?” She asked carefully.

“No, not that I know of.” Dean sighed.

“Ok, Sir EMT’s are just a few minutes away, you may even be able to hear the sirens.”

It took a moment of straining, but he finally heard it faint and in the distance.

“Yeah, I can hear them. Thanks.”

“It’s ok Cas, helps coming. Just stay with me ok? Stay with me.” Dean returned his attention to the man on the floor, who was getting paler with every passing second, the blue tinge spreading through his lips.

“Mr. Winchester?” A voice called from the front door.

“Yeah in here, in here.” Dean sighed in relief as two medics took over holding Cas on his side and moved Dean away.

“It’s been about 5 minutes since I found him, but I don’t know how long he was seizing before then.”

“It’s ok Mr. Winchester, we’ve got this.”

“Sats are very low, 79. We need to stop these convulsions now.” The first medic said to the second who was already drawing liquid into a syringe, before handing it to the first.

“Ok, hit him with the lot, then get him in the ambulance.”

“What’s happening?” Dean asked as they inserted a canula into Cas’ arm and started to inject something.

“Just something which we hope will stop the seizure.” The second medic informed him gently.

It took what felt like forever, but Cas finally grew still, and Dean let out a sigh of relief. “Ok, seizure has stopped, pupils responsive, get an oxygen mask on keep monitoring those sats and get him on a stretcher.”

The medics started moving fast and Dean felt like the world was spinning. Cas has just been lifted onto the stretcher when his eyes started to flicker open.

“Mr. Novak, can you hear me?” The medic asked as they strapped an oxygen mask to his face. Cas grunted and Dean trotted to keep up with the trolley as they wheeled him out the front door.

“Mr. Novak, we’re paramedics you had a bad seizure, we’re taking you to the hospital.”

“Dean.” Cas grumbled behind the mask as they stared loading him in the ambulance.

“I’m here Cas, I’m here.” Dean called but he wasn’t sure Cas could hear him from this distance with all the bustling going on so close to him.

“Mr. Novak, can you tell us your full name and what the date is today?” The paramedic asked, but Cas looked agitated.

“Where’s Dean?” Cas grabbed the closest medic sharply by the throat and squeezed hard. The medic started choking and tugging at Cas’ arm while the other tried to wrench him free. Dean

“Cas Jesus, let the nice man go, they’re trying to help you.” Dean stepped in and when Cas’ eyes met his, the raven-haired man relaxed and let him go.

“Hello Dean.” Cas mumbled, eyes opening and closing disorientated.

“Hello Cas. Need you to stay calm and do what the nice men tell you ok?”

“Stay?” Cas whined.

“Not going anywhere.” Dean reassured him.

“Can you keep him calm?”

“I think so.”

“Great ride with us but stay out of the way otherwise.”

“Why did they do it Dean?” Cas whined and Dean frowned.

“Why did they do what Cas.”

“The garbage men. They stole my chimney. I liked my chimney.”

Dean frowned. “Did you give him something?”

The medic shook his head. “Mr. Novak, can you tell me what the date is?”

Cas frowned in concentration and then sighed. “No.”

“Ok, who’s the president?”

“Reagan.”

Dean looked at the medic worriedly and they started to do some checks.

“Ok, GCS is 11, Sats still low but improving, up to 80. Let’s give him 25mg of phenobarbital until we can rule out brain injury.”

“Brain injury?” Dean said, mortified.

“He’s been without oxygen for a while, due to the prolonged length of the seizure. It’s just a precaution to minimise any damage till we can get his blood oxygen back to normal and get him an EEG at the hospital.

The liquid was pushed into Cas arm and his eyes slid closed. And all Dean could do was hold Cas’ hand tightly as the ambulance sped through the streets towards the hospital.

………………………………………..

Things at the hospital had been chaotic. There were scans and tests and Dean hadn’t been allowed in for so long… Eventually the doctor came out and said he could see him, but they wouldn’t know anything more until the results came back.

So, Dean held Cas’ hand and waited. An hour later they came back and checked again, saying there was no further brain damage because of the seizure and they took him off the sedative, much to Dean’s relief. Only a minute later Cas stirred a little which seemed to please the doctor enough to leave. His eyes flickered, and he gripped Dean’s hand tightly but the was soon sucked away again. The cycle repeated for a few hours, Cas just coming round for a few moments until he was pulled back under by his exhausted body.

Dean was half asleep when finally, Cas grunted and jolted, sending the heart rate monitor into a frenzy.

“Hey, Hey, Hey Cas, it’s ok.” Dean quickly moved in, putting a gentle hand on Cas’ shoulder until the blue eyes fixed on him and he started to relax.

“Where?” Cas grunted, rubbing his eyes.

“Hospital buddy.” Dean said gently, and Cas looked honestly betrayed. “I know, I know, I’m sorry, but it was bad this time.”

“What happened?” Cas’ eyes fluttered closed again.

“Is everything ok?” A nurse popped her head in, obviously alerted by the monitors.

“Yeah, its ok.” Dean nodded as Cas opened his eyes and looked lazily at the nurse.

“Nice to see you awake Mr. Novak.” She said sweetly. “How are you feeling?” She asked as she moved in to make her regular checks.

“Like crap. When can I go home?” He said bluntly and Dean nearly snorted.

“Take it easy Cas. We’ll get you out of here soon as.”

“You had a very nasty seizure Mr. Novak, your medical records say you have post traumatic epilepsy, yet you have refused medication. I would advise you reconsider that, if Dean here hadn’t found you when he did you may not have survived.”

Cas frowned and sat up sharply in surprise. “What?”

“What do you remember Cas?” Dean prompted.

“Ermm, I was getting ready for something…we were going out.” Cas said confused. “It was something important but I can’t remember…”

“Yeah, that’s right.” Dean smiled. “I rang you to tell you I’d be late, and you didn’t answer. When I got there, you weren’t answering your door, I found you mid-seizure, wasn’t sure how long you’d been down so I called the ambulance.”

“Your sats were incredibly low when you were bought in, you were given something to stop the seizure on site.” The nurse explained.

Cas just nodded and looked out of the window.

“Well, everything’s looking good, the neurologist is coming to see you shortly and do some more checks, talk you through the medications you can use to manage this.”

Cas’ jaw tensed but he didn’t say anything, probably saving his fight for the neurologist. There was something in his eyes that worried Dean, he couldn’t quite make out what it was and Cas soon noticed Dean's concerned stare.

“I’m fine Dean.”

“Cas, you don’t have to be tough around me. Talk to me.”

Something suddenly flashed across his face and he face palmed quite violently. “Our date. It was our date!” Cas growled.

“Hey, its ok Cas, believe me I’m just glad you’re ok. How are you feeling?”

“I just… I just feel like crap and its playing on my nerves. I apologise for spoiling our evening.”

“No Cas, no, you didn’t spoil anything.” Dean stood up and coaxed Cas to move over a little. Not caring who might walk in, or what they might say he climbed onto the bed with Cas. “Come here.” He sighed, pulling Cas’ head into his chest and carding his fingers through those defiant raven locks.

Cas hummed a little contentedly and relaxed into Dean’s touch shuffling, so his face was buried in Dean’s neck. Dean smiled and chuckled.

“What.” Cas huffed, his hot breath tickling Dean’s skin.

“Who knew the mighty Angel would be a cuddler. You’re such a softie Cas.”

“Shut up.” Cas grumbled, but his lips curved up in a small smile.

“Man Cas.” Dean sighed. “I thought I was going to lose you today. You scared the crap out of me.”

Cas looked up, his eyes wide and tearful. “I’m sorry Dean, I… please don’t go, please don’t leave.”

“Cas I’m not going anywhere, you can’t scare me away that easy.” Dean said gently, knowing Cas was still confused and emotional. He hated seeing Cas like this. He was so strong, but every time this happened… He was like a vulnerable child.

“You promise.” Cas mumbled, sounding incredibly groggy.

“Yeah Cas I promise.” He pressed a kiss into Cas hair and held him closer which seemed to relax Cas even more. “You’re still a bit muddled aren’t you.” Dean sighed, but he could feel Cas was already asleep.

…………………………………….

“You’ve been very lucky this time Mr. Novak, all your scans and test result have shown no further damage has been done, but the fact that your seizures have become more frequent is concerning. You really should have gone to see your doctor.”

“And what could they have done? Without prescribing me medication what could they have done?” Cas scoffed.

“You are right Mr. Novak, they couldn’t have done anything, but medication really is your only way forward…”

“Then there will be no going forward.”

“Cas, come on.” Dean said gently.

“Mr. Novak, I don’t think you understand the gravity of this situation…”

“I understand perfectly.”

“Then I don’t understand your reluctance to…”

“I would like my discharge papers, if you don’t mind.” Cas snapped and the doctor just sighed.

“Doctor, would you give us a minute.” The man nodded and Dean turned to Cas, whose jaw was fixed in tension and he was staring out the window indignantly. “Cas, you have to talk to me. What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Really Cas?”

“Just leave it Dean.”

“Cas, look. You nearly died today. You nearly died, Cas, that’s real.”

Cas sighed and looked down at his hands. “I know Dean.”

“Look Cas, I’m not going to tell you what to do, it’s your life and your body and all that shit… but Cas, I fucking care about you… a lot and I’m not going anywhere, no matter what you say but what happened today nearly killed me with the worry man. I just want to understand.”

“I… it’s hard to explain.”

“It’s ok if you can’t Cas, but just… give me a ballpark yeah? Benny said something about you always trying to be 100% clean?”

Cas rolled his eyes. “It’s not that Dean, its complicated.” Cas stopped but Dean could sense he had more to say. “I can’t rely on anything but myself, all my life it’s been that way… and the idea of being dependant on some damn pills.”

“They’re not addictive Cas.” Dean said, and Cas gave him a confused look. “I may have done some reading.” Dean shrugged. “After the first time I didn’t want to ever feel that damn helpless again while you were having a seizure, I wanted to know how to help you.”

“I appreciate that Dean, I really do, but it’s not addiction that’s the problem. When I said dependant, I meant…” Cas sighed and rubbed his eyes frustratedly.

“Take your time.” Dean encouraged.

“It’s like the bad days in training… when for whatever reason your body just isn’t doing what you want it to, the only way to teach it to do as it should is to force it to. If my legs won’t run the time I want them to, I keep going until they do.”

Dean frowned. Teach it? What was Cas like treating his body as a separate entity from himself or something?

“When I’m sick, I don’t take medicine because my body has to learn it doesn’t get help, it shouldn’t need it, it should just… do as I bid it. So, if it can’t deal with the epilepsy without damn pills, then it can just damn well suffer the consequences.”

Dean gawked a little. That was, well… it was messed up.

“So, what? You’re cutting off your nose to spite your face is that it?”

“That’s not it at all!”

“It kind of is Cas, just think about it. Your punishing your ‘body’ for not being strong enough, not doing what you want it to, but you _are_ your body Cas, all of this…” he gestured to the man in question, “is you, you’re just punishing yourself.”

“I’m not punishing myself Dean, that’s not the objective.”

Dean was lost, he really had no idea what was going on in Cas’ head.

“You don’t understand.” Cas sighed.

“I am trying to Cas and I think I half get it, but I’m clearly missing something.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Cas shrugged. “It’s hard to explain and I really didn’t expect you to get it, no one else does.”

“No Cas, it does matter, because I want to… I really want to understand, so don’t give up on me just yet, give me a hand.” Dean coaxed.

“The objective isn’t to punish myself Dean, but when you treat yourself and your body separately as I do you are capable of so much more. The pain your body feels just becomes a nuisance, something you can just ignore, because it’s not happening to you, but to your body…”

Dean mentally scoffed, well doesn’t that scream coping mechanism for past abuse.

“You can push yourself further, go deeper than normal people would.”

“And you can hurt yourself Cas. If you don’t listen to your body, you can go too far.”

“The risk can be managed.” Cas shrugged.

“I guess.” Dean noted. Whatever mindset this was, it was so deeply ingrained into Castiel, he wasn’t going to get through to him this way. “Well, I think I can certainly get how you beat Michael now.”

Cas looked at him with something hopeful in his eyes.

“Anyone else wouldn’t have been able to get up after that knockdown, their body wouldn’t have let them.”

“Yes.” Cas said.

“But isn’t it a little bit about control as well?” Dean asked

“Partly.” Cas admitted.

“So, you want to rely on your body, to do what you need it when you ask it.”

“Yes.”

“But Cas, if you really want to have control over your life, you can’t do that with these seizures and if you want to get control of those you need to get the right medication. Yes, I get the whole ‘my body should just learn that it has to fix itself’ sort of thing, but it just can’t his time Cas, in fact, it did a damn good job fixing itself up after the mess Michael made of it, so maybe you should give it a hand this time.”

“I don’t know, maybe, but what about the side effects, what if those are worse to live with?”

“Have you looked into it at all Cas?”

“No, because I was never going to accept it.”

“Ok. Well, yes, some people struggle with the side effects and because of it sometimes they choose to go without and if that case, there’s nothing lost. But most people, it gives them back control of their lives Cas.”

Cas seemed to consider for a moment.

“What sort of side effects can there be?”

“Look, why don’t you just let me get the doctor back in rather than me regurgitating web MD to you, no obligations, just hear him out and think it over.”

“Ok, I will listen.”

“Thank you, Cas, thank you so much.”

..………………………………

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, not the date you were all hoping for, but I promise you will get it eventually. The medical stuff in this chapter is probably complete BS but I did my best don't sue me.
> 
> On the other hand, I was going to make this story a 2 part series, but I decided to just make it one fic, so your chapter count has just gone up by a fair amount.  
> Yey!
> 
> ONE LINE GUYS. One line in that comments. Takes 2 seconds and makes my day.  
> Thanks for reading.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hospitals, grumpy Cas and more coming right up...

“Dean?” Cas mumbled tiredly a little after midnight. They had tried to send Dean home, it was after all way after visiting hours, but Cas, still muddled, clingy and a bit scared, had kicked up such a stink that they’d let him stay. They’d finally moved him out of the emergency room and into his own private room on the ward and Dean had to admit, after the day’s stress he was now having trouble staying awake.

“Cas you should be sleeping.” Dean said softly, running his fingers through Cas’ hair.

“Can’t.” Cas huffed. “Don’t like hospitals.”

“Nobody does Cas.” Dean chuckled. “What’s up?”

“The ceiling.”

Dean laughed, and Cas looked at him grumpily. “No dummy, I meant what’s the matter?”

“Can you tell me about our date, what it was going to be?”

“Yeah sure.” Dean smiled broadly. “It wasn’t going to be anything fancy or super impressive or anything, but I… I got us take out from the roadhouse.”

“Did you get the double cheeseburger with sweet potato fries?” Cas said sleepily.

“Yes, I did.” Dean smiled.

“Already impressed.” Cas smiled. “Although now that’s just made me hungry thinking about it.” He groaned.

“Well you’re in luck.” Dean smiled, pulling “It’s well cold now but…”

“God Dean you’re amazing!” Cas said gratefully grabbing the bag and looking inside like a kid on Christmas which made Dean chuckle. “So, what then?” Cas asked already wolfing down his food.

“I was going to take you to the drive in Movie theatre, I don’t know what was showing but I figured it didn’t really matter. Then I thought we’d drive into the wildlife reserve, watch the sun set and sit out under the stars until we were ready to go home.”

Cas looked up at Dean in awe, imagining how the night would have been. “It sounds perfect Dean. I love being outside. I’m sorry.” He breathed.

“Don’t be sorry, its not your fault.” Dean said scooting closer. “Besides we can do it for real when you’re out of here and feeling better.”

“You look nice.” Cas said, blue eyes looking him up and down fondly.

“I had no idea what to wear.” Dean admitted. “And you didn’t strike me for a leather jacket man.” Dean smiled picking up the jacket from Cas’ pile of clothes. “I’m impressed.”

“It’s not mine, its... I was nervous, and I didn’t know what to wear so I called Meg and she helped me. The jacket she stole from an ex-boyfriend.”

Dean chuckled at the thought of Meg looking through Cas’ wardrobe and getting all in huff. He never saw Cas out of gym clothes.

“I bet you looked hot.” Dean smiled. He’d been far too frantic to notice what Cas was wearing at the time of course.

“If she’ll let me borrow it again I’ll wear it when we actually get to go on this date.”

“I’d like that.” Dean smiled, but he could sense Cas was getting sleepy now he’d finished his burger.

“Dean?”

“Hmm.”

“Were you nervous too?”

“For the date, hell yeah I was bricking it.”

“Eloquent.” Cas chuckled.

“Oi.” Dean chuckled. “Just because you know big words.”

“Dean when can I go home?” Cas asked sadly.

“We’ll ask the doctor in the morning. You should try get some sleep now.”

“Sorry am I keeping you awake?”

“No Cas, I won’t be able to sleep, not after today, not that that’s your fault.”

“I can’t sleep in hospitals.” Cas sighed.

“Try for me.” Dean suggested.

“Ok Dean, I’ll try… For you.” He smiled. “But if we keep talking it might help.”

“Ok.” Dean conceded. “What brings the seizures on?”

“Sometimes its random, mostly its when I’m overtired or stressed. Today was stress.”

“Did going on the date stress you out that much?” Dean said in horror.

“No, no Dean, not at all. It was… my credit card details got stolen and I spent all morning trying not to yell down the phone at the bank to get a $3000 TV that I never bought refunded.”

“I’m sorry Cas... did everything get sorted?”

“Yes eventually.”

“If you ever need to avoid something like that Cas, I’ll help you, you know. I don’t mind yelling at people.”

“I find that when I do yell at people they tend to hang up and the problem never gets resolved.”

“Huh, that might be why Sammy usually has to do it for me.” Dean chuckled. “Have you thought any more about what the doctor said?”

“About the medication?”

“Yeah.”

“I think… I want to try at least.”

“Thank you Cas.”

“It scared me today Dean… I’ve never had a seizure that bad and, the thought that I could have…”

“It scared me too Cas. So much.”

“I don’t want to die Dean.” Cas’ voice said trembling. “I don’t want to die.”

“I know Cas and you’re not going to.” Dean said sliding onto the bed again and wrapping Cas in his arms. “Not till your 100 years old with 15 great grandkids and a dog and 6 cats and..."

“And which one of us is supposed to bear the children Dean? I don’t believe its anatomically possible.”

Dean just laughed, not really knowing how to respond. A great warmth spread through him at the thought that, despite the fact they hadn’t even been on a date, Cas was imagining himself with Dean in the scenario he’d just said to lighten the mood.

“Do you want Kids Cas?” Dean asked curiously.

“I do, but I couldn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not safe Dean. I don’t think I’ll ever be safe. It wouldn’t be fair. I’d want my kids to be safe, kids should never have to be scared Dean.”

Dean frowned but decided not to probe. He’d known for a long time there was something Cas still wasn’t telling him, and Cas was vulnerable right now, he wasn’t going to trick him into telling Dean something he wasn’t ready to share.

“No, they shouldn’t be.” Dean agreed, remembering his own childhood with a shudder.

“Do you want children Dean.”

“I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it.” Dean said, realising he never had, it had just kind of happened. “I thought I had a kid once… with my Ex, Lisa. She ehhh, she had a son called Ben and told me he was mine.”

“But she lied?” Cas said in shock.

“Yeah she did. Turned out she was cheating on me at the time, Ben could have been anyone’s, but I loved her Cas, or at least I thought I did at the time and that kid… I love him to the ends of the earth. So yeah, I guess I would like that again, I would like having a kid but hell I’d be so scared of losing them again.”

“You lost Ben?”

“Yeah, when Lisa left me she took Ben with her, moved half way across the country. I never get to see him.”

“I’m so sorry Dean, thats horrible. I don’t have words.”

“There are none Cas.” Dean sighed. “But I’m over it now. Besides I got my very own angel right here.” Dean pressed a kiss into Cas’ hair and Cas blushed bright red, making Dean’s heart swell.

As they talked Cas got less and less responsive, from yawning mid-sentence, to only giving sleepy grunts to eventually drifting off while Dean recalled his childhood with Sam. He smiled softly at the sleeping angel, who hadn’t let go of his hand despite being soundly asleep. It wasn’t long before the rhythmic beat of the heart rate monitors lulled Dean to sleep too.

…………………………..

It turned out none of the nurses really wanted to deal with Cas for another day. They’d told him the doctor would come and get them the discharge forms, but the hospital was packed, and it took a while for the doctor to get round to getting to them.

“I’m concerned about your heart rate Mr. Novak, you are quite Bradycardic.”

“Brady-what?” Dean grumbled. He just wanted to get Cas out of here now. It was nearly 1pm and Cas, he discovered, was a grumpy inpatient asshole when he wanted to be.

“Low heart rate, the ideal is 72bpm, Mr. Novak’s hasn’t risen above 40 much this morning. Are you feeling sick, dizzy, fatigued? Are you having any chest pains?”

“No, none of that. And my heart rate is normal.” Cas grunted. “Can I go now?”

“I can assure you Mr. Novak, that your heart rate is far from normal… though your blood pressure seems ok…”

“Do you know who he is?” Dean scoffed. “Castiel Novak, ‘the angel’?”

“Dean.” Cas scolded. “I’m an athlete, and my resting heart rate is typically in the mid 30’s.” Cas explained. “There is nothing to be concerned about.”

“Fine, but I’d like to get someone down here from cardiac just to confirm, Seizures can mess with the heart’s electrical signals…”

“Oh, for crying out loud.” Castiel growled and Dean nearly banged his head on the wall in frustration. How green was this guy? Had they pulled him straight out of Med School?

“Mr. Novak…”

“That could take hours!” Cas protested.

“Yes, but your health is more important surely?”

“Is there anything wrong with my head?”

“Sir?”

“Are my CT’s and EEG clear?” Cas demanded.

“Yes.”

“Is my bloodwork ok?”

“Yes.”

“Then screw you and your procedures, give me the discharge forms and get out!”

“Sir, that would be against medical advice.”

“I don’t give a shit, give me the forms and let me out of here, or are you holding me prisoner?”

“No sir, of course not…”

“Then Chop, Chop!”

“Cas.” Dean chuckled. He probably shouldn’t be amused by Cas’ treatment of hospital staff, but it he’d got to the point where he could either scream in frustration or laugh. He chose the latter.

“

“I’m grumpy Dean.”

“Yes, I noticed.” Dean chuckled.

Cas didn’t even wait for the doctor to come back before he was pulling off his leads and taking out the canula. Dean pulled the curtain across while Cas got dressed and started filling out the paperwork and reading through the pile of homecare instructions they’d thrust at him.

……………………………….

They got to Dean’s house a little after 3pm. Cas was tired and grouchy and a bit too fatigued for Dean’s liking, so he’d convinced Cas to come to his, not that he needed much persuading. Cas passed out the moment he hit the mattress.

But most importantly Cas had filled his prescription.

It was a minor victory, Dean still had to convince Cas to take the damn things. Apparently getting the type and dosage of medication was also a nightmare and a process of trial and error that could take months. Dean hoped to God Cas would be patient enough to let them find the right balance, but he imagined he was going to have a fight on his hands.

Deans apartment had two bedrooms, one of which had been Sam’s for a while, so that’s where he settled Cas in. The post seizure effects seemed to be lasting longer than they had after Cas’ seizure at Sam and Jess’ but that was hardly unexpected, and Cas was no less clingy. Honestly, he was like a giant baby that just wanted to be held and Dean could hardly deny him. Poor guy had been through hell and Dean would never, ever admit it, but he was a cuddler too.

Dean couldn’t weasel his way out of Cas’ grip until nearly midday the next morning and he had 15 missed calls from a variety from a variety of numbers, hell wasn’t he popular today.

“Hey Sammy.” Dean said tiredly.

“So… How did it go?”

Dean frowned.

“How did what go?”

“You know… Your date. We’re all dying to know!”

“We… Who the hell have you told?”

“Just Charlie… and Bobby and Ellen and I think Charlie told Jo and Kevin.”

“Oh great, so that means everyone knows.”

“What’s the problem Dean, we all love you and well, neither of you have been subtle with the longing stares across the room.”

“Well the truth is it didn’t go.” Dean sighed.

“What, he didn’t stand you up did he?”

“No Sam…”

“You stood him up! You coward.”

“Sam, nobody stood anybody up. I stood outside his house for ages because he wasn’t answering and found his door unlocked and him having a seizure on the floor.”

“Shit, is he ok? Are you ok?”

“He’s ok now, but…”

“But what? Dean…”

“He nearly died Sam, he must have been seizing for 20minutes when the ambulance got there.”

“Do you need me to come over, I’m still in the city?”

“I brought Cas back to mine, so let me just see when he wakes up.”

“Dean?” Cas’ voice drifted in from the spare bedroom.

“Speak of the devil, I’ll call you back.”

Dean rushed through to Cas and knelt by the side of the bed. Cas was now wrapped around the pillow that Dean had slept on and was looking very drowsy.

“You weren’t there.”

“I’m sorry Buddy I was just making a few phone calls. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Thank you for everything Dean.”

“It’s not a problem, how are you feeling?”

“Groggy.”

“I’m not surprised sweetheart, do you think you can eat anything?”

“I am a little hungry.”

“Ok, stay in or roadhouse? Sam’s in town.”

“What time is it?”

“12:30.”

“I really don’t want to get up.”

“Breakfast in bed it is.”

“You should go see your brother Dean.”

“He’ll live.”

“So, will I.”

“Cas I’m not going to leave you here when you feel like crap. Let me look after my boyfriend.”

Cas smiled. “Say that again.”

“Boyfriend.” Dean grinned as Cas leaned in and Dean met his lips in a chaste kiss.                                                                                     

“Sorry about the awful first date.” Cas breathed, locking his mouth Deans again.

“I don’t know this part of its awful nice.” Dean smiled between kisses. “Now, what do you want for breakfast?”

“You.” Cas grunted, and Dean chuckled as Cas tried to pull him into the bed.

“I thought you were tired… and I thought we were taking this slow.”

“We are.” Cas kissed him harder, getting more confident with each attempt. “I want pancakes with bacon and maple syrup.”

“Coming right up.”

Dean crawled back into bed with Cas and his own plate of pancakes which he devoured hungrily. Much to his surprise and delight Cas was eating a fair bit too, in fact, Dean wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Cas eat and actually look happy about it.

“You must have been hungry.” Dean smiled when Cas finished the plate.

“Yeah, I was… is there any more?”

“Christ Man I don’t think I’ve ever heard you ask for more.”

“Yeah, well maybe its time I gave my body a hand.” Cas shrugged.

Dean smiled.

“Does that mean?”

“I wouldn’t have let you file the prescription for me unless I was serious about trying this Dean... but seeing as one of the common side effects is drowsiness I would first prefer that I allowed myself to return to normal before I started them, I should be ok tommorow.”

“Yeah, that makes sense, so… more pancakes? Or something else?”

He was interrupted by a knock on the door. “Just hold that thought a second.”

Dean wandered through to the front of the apartment and checked the spyhole before opening the door.

“I know you said to wait, but I was in the roadhouse, Ellen overheard, and she insisted I bring you two round some food.”

“Oh, Thank God for that woman, she is the best.” Dean smiled, and Sam smiled back. “Cas is awake but still in bed, I would invite you in but…”

“Hi Sam.” Cas grunted as he wandered into the living room. He was wrapped in the duvet he’d dragged with him off the bed and huddled two pillows close to his chest. “Invite your brother in Dean and shut the door its cold.”

“You heard the man, there’s a draft.” Dean chuckled stepping out the way for Sam.

“Hey Cas, I won’t stay long, I just brought food round. You really look like crap man.”

Cas grunted. He seemed, in the space of a minute, to have turned the sofa into some sort of nest and Sam frowned at Dean in amusement. “Thank you, Sam, you can stay as long as you want.” Cas said, reaching a hand out from the blanket to explore the bag of food Sam had brought.

“Hey, last time I checked this was my apartment!” Dean protested.

“Whatever.” Cas grunted, pulling out what appeared to be a burger and unwrapping it. Sam couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Hell, you really are wacky after a seizure Mr. Attitude.” Dean grumbled. Cas just grabbed his arm and pulled Dean towards the couch, seemingly wanting him to sit with him.

“And where am I supposed to sit?” Dean folded his arms. Cas huffed and pulled his legs up giving Dean room to sit down. “How much food did Ellen send us.” Dean scoffed as he rifled through the bag and pulled out a burger and a box of fries. “There’s enough to feed an army.”

“Have you got everything unpacked yet Sam?” Cas asked, with a mouthful of red meat.

“Yeah, no there are still boxes of stuff in the garage. We haven’t really done any moving in since we had you all round. We both work long hours, in fact, I was lucky to get away today, I was supposed to be helping her.”

“We should help them finish unpacking Dean.” Cas said lightly.

“I don’t think you’re really up for that right now Cas.”

“Not now, tommorow, or next weekend or something. Have an unpack Sam and Jess’ house party and that way you two could relax and you can get your friends to do the work for you.”

“That sounds like a very good idea.” Sam smirked.

“No, it doesn’t I aint your slave.” Dean protested.

“And if I throw in pie and booze?”

“You’re such a bitch, you know that?”

“Whatever Jerk.”

…………………………………..


	13. Chapter 13

Come Monday morning Dean was expecting Cas to be dead to the world. They hadn’t exactly got an early night watching a lord of the rings marathon after Sam had left and Cas had hardly got any less groggy as the day had gone on. They’d spent pretty much all day curled up together on the sofa with Cas snuggled up in his duvet as the little spoon. It was lovely. As Dean held Cas in his arms he felt strangely calm and happy in a way that he’d never felt before.

He’d loved Lisa, he knew that much, but he’d always felt obligated when he was with her. There was always something she needed from him and for all Cas’ problems and his infuriating stubbornness he didn’t _need_ Dean, he just wanted him. And it was nice. Cas could look after himself, they both knew, but he was happy for Dean to look after him in a way Dean was pretty sure he’d never let anyone else before.

It was ridiculous, Dean thought to himself, they’d not even been on a date yet, but somehow Cas was here in his arms and to Dean it felt like home. It had taken Dean 6 months to work up the courage to say the L word to Lisa, but with Cas he’d had to catch him self twice today already. It was too soon, but it didn’t feel like too soon, not to Dean at least but he didn’t want to freak Cas out, especially not while the guy was still recovering.

So, when he was woken at 7am to the smells of cooking he thought someone must have broken in, or this was some sort of strange dream. But it wasn’t.

“Morning Dean.” Cas smiled as he flipped a pancake in the pan and prodded the hissing bacon with his other hand.

“You’re making breakfast?”

“Yes, I am Dean, you’re very astute.”

“Shut up.” Dean grumbled as he headed religiously to the coffee machine while Cas chuckled at him. “How you doing?” Dean yawned as he waited for his cup to fill.

“I’m feeling much better Dean, thank you for letting me stay.” Cas smiled. “I assumed you’d be at work today, so I thought I would make you breakfast, as a thank you.”

“Well if that’s your idea of a thank you, you can stay forever.” Dean chuckled fondly ruffling Cas’ hair as he moved to sit down at the table.

They continued in silence for a moment while Dean drank his coffee and his eyes drifted to the unopened medication on the side board and then to Cas.

“Cas?”

“Yes Dean.”

“Do you think you’re up for starting your meds today.”

There was a beat of silence as Dean nervously clenched his jaw waiting for a response.

“Yes Dean, I fully intended to, but the doctor suggested taking them with food so…”

“Oh alright, that great Cas, that’s really great.” Dean beamed.

“You don’t need to praise me for finally ceasing to behave like an idiot regards to my own health.” Cas scoffed, shoulders sinking.

Dean stood up and slid behind Cas, putting a hand on his shoulder. Big blue eyes locked onto his questioningly.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself Cas. I get it’s a big deal for you and I know you’re concerned about the side effects.” Dean said, looking at the floor and taking Cas’ hand into his own. “So, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to stay until we know how its going to hit you, just so someone’s around if you need anything, you know?”

“I’ve been enough of a burden.” Cas said sadly, but kept hold of Dean’s hand, playing nervously with the taller man’s fingers.

“You’re not a burden Cas. I like having you here.” Dean said softly.

“If you’re sure it wouldn’t be an inconvenience…” Cas looked up hopefully and damn, those eyes were going to hill him one day.

“No inconvenience buddy. Hell, if you make breakfasts this good once in a while, I’ll pay you to live here!”

Cas smiled at Dean and rubbed the back of his neck. “Then yes, I suppose, I would appreciate being able to stay for a few days.”

“Good.” Dean smiled, kissing Cas on the forehead and the man blushed bright red. It was official, Cas was adorable. “Can I have my hand back?” Dean asked as he made a move to retreat to the table and let Cas carry on with the cooking.

“No.” Cas pouted tugging Dean’s hand close to his chest and forcing Dean to take a step back towards him.

“Well hate to break it to you Cas, but you can’t cook with one hand.”

Cas looked between the pans and Dean’s hand, which was tightly entwined with his own with a contemplative expression.

“Watch me.”

………………..

It turned out Cas could cook with one hand… but not very well and a significant clean up had been required when Cas knocked over the jug of pancake batter with the ladle he was using to transfer it to the frying pan.

“It’s not going to bite Cas.” Dean chuckled as they ate. The first pill had been sat next to Cas’ glass of water with Cas staring at it suspiciously for the last half hour.

“I know.” Cas sighed, finally picking it up between his fingers and swallowing it down with a sip of water, putting the glass down triumphantly.

Dean smiled at Cas fondly. “Proud of you.”

“Shut up.” Cas grumbled, but his blushing cheeks gave him away. “If you don’t move your ass you’ll be late.”

“Oh shit, yeah, thanks.” Dean stood up quickly and rushed to get dressed. “If you need anything…”

“I’ll call Dean.” Cas smiled as he started washing up while Dean hopped towards the door pulling on his boots. “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

Dean nodded, undoing the lock and opening the door. He got one foot outside when he suddenly turned and ran back in.

“What’s wrong?” Cas asked concernedly when Dean rushed towards him. But he didn’t get an answer, only Dean’s arms wrapping around him, pulling him close. One hand planted itself on either side of his face and then soft lips brushed his. Before Cas could recover from the surprise, the kiss was over and Dean was slipping back out the door, leaving Cas stood there blushing in shock. Slowly a smile tweaked his lips he continued the washing up happily, feeling warm and wanted.

…………………………….

Cas would probably be mad with him, Dean mused as he pulled up outside his apartment at lunch time. The guy didn’t need babying. He certainly didn’t need Dean popping back at lunch to check he was ok. It But, Dean was worried sick, and he couldn’t help it. He was just here to check everything was alright, grab a sandwich and head back to work. That’s all.

He walked in the door and instantly saw Cas laid out on the sofa dead to the world and smiled. The TV was on, but Cas had clearly been asleep for some time… Either that or the dude was a secret fan of the Jerry Springer show and if that was the case, he was going to have to seriously consider dumping him. He smiled to himself and shook his head. Honestly, he could probably put up with Love Island and Big Brother is it was to spend time with Cas and _that_ was a scary thought.

As he turned to the kitchen and opened the fridge, he realised he’d have to fix up Cas something too, just to make sure the guy actually ate. He quickly made two sandwiches and set them down on the table before moving to Cas.

“Hey Cas.” Dean said, loudly enough to wake him, but it seemed sleep had too strong a grip on the Angel.

“Cas.” Dean smiled, tapping him on the shoulder.

Nothing.

“Cas!” Dean was worried now, very worried. He checked Cas was breathing frantically and he was, chest rising and falling evenly as he shook him hard. “Cas come on wake up!”

There was a dissatisfied huff of air from Cas and a quiet grumble which had Dean sighing in relief.

“Wake up Cas.” Dean tapped his cheek.

Cas practically growled but didn’t open an eye. In fact, it took 10 minutes to fully pull Cas out of sleep and when he did Cas was pale and gaunt and could barely keep his eyes open.

“Cas what’s wrong buddy. You look like you’ve been hit by a truck.” Dean hissed in sympathy, carding a hand through the man’s soft unruly hair.

“Feel like I’ve been hit by one.” Cas grumbled tiredly.

“Should I call an ambulance… you didn’t have a seizure did you?” Dean asked, pressing the back of his hand to Cas’ forehead to check for a temperature.

“No Dean, I didn’t have a seizure I’m just so tired.”

“Is it the meds?”

“I assume so.” Cas sighed.

“Do you want me to call the doctor, or to stay or something… I can call Bobby?”

“No Dean m’fine just sleepy.” Cas mumbled, closing his eyes.

“Hey, not yet Cas, come on. If you don’t need me to stay, you’re at least eating this sandwich.”

Cas nodded as Dean helped him sit up into the sofa.

“Whats in it?” Cas eyed it suspiciously, sniffing it cautiously.”

“Cheese and pickle.”

“I’m sorry Dean I don’t like pickle.” Cas sighed.

“That’s ok Cas I’ll make you another.”

“No Dean you don’t have to, I’ll get something later.”

“Its fine Cas. No problem.” Dean said standing up, looking at Cas a little worriedly. He headed back to the fried and realised he’d used the last of the cheese. “Cas, I’m out of cheese, I can scrape the pickle off, or…” He rummaged through the cupboard to see what else he had. “I have tuna?”

Cas’ eyes widened. “You have tuna?”

Dean smiled. “I’m take it you want tuna then.”

“It’s my favourite.” Cas grumbled happily.

“Well if that’s the case one tuna sandwich coming right up.”

“Have you got any chips?”

“Yeah, what flavour?”

“Salt and Vinegar.”

“You want those on the plate, or should I just chuck you the bag?”

“In the sandwich.”

“In the sandwich?” Dean chuckled. “You’re a strange guy Cas.” He shrugged, layering crisps amongst the tuna.

“Don’t knock it till you try it Dean.”

“You’re right, I’ll have to try it.” Dean smiled as he handed Cas the sandwich and got stuck in to his own. “So, how’d I do.”

Cas moaned as he took his first, rather crunchy sounding bite and Dean nearly snorted his own sandwich all over the floor. “It’s very good Dean.” Cas moaned happily and Dean smiled broadly.

They ate in silence for a bit while Cas turned the TV onto the nature channel and slowly kept chipping away at his food, but quite frankly Dean wasn’t sure he was going to make it before he clocked out again. The dude looked utterly fried.

“I got to get back to work Cas.” Dean smiled, taking the not quite empty plate off Cas, who was clearly incapable of eating anymore. “You going to be ok?”

“Yes Dean, Thank you.”

“No worries. Call me if you need anything.”

…………………………………………

When Dean got back Cas hadn’t moved. It took just as long to wake him up for dinner and this time he could barely stay awake long enough to get half a piece of chicken and some new potatoes down his neck.

Dean was getting worried, or more accurately, was getting more worried, but it was only day one and other than being extremely lethargic Cas seemed like himself, just a slightly grumpier version.

“I don’t think I like this side effect.” Cas grumbled as Dean helped him hobble towards bed at about 8pm. If Cas spent any more time on that sofa, he was going to have a permanent crick in his neck.

“Let’s just see how you feel this evening, give it a few days…”

But a few days later not much had changed. Cas had literally spent the week in bed, sleeping about 20 hours of the day and only waking when Dean forced him to get up and eat.

By the end of the week things were not getting better and Cas was now pissed off to go along with being completely out of it most of the day. A call to the doctor at the end of the week told him to go down from 2 pills to 1 pill. Cas wasn’t very pleased about the solution, but the doctor seemed convinced it was a common side effect that lessened over time. Dean just had to convince Cas to wait the damn thing out.

Unfortunately, the second week wasn’t much better, though at least Cas was to have some periods of alertness. They figured out if he took the pill in the morning, he was awake at some ridiculous hour in the night and so they shifted the time he took it so he had a good few hours in the evening so he could spend it with Dean. It was nice snuggling up with his boyfriend in the evenings, but Cas was not the best company at the moment. He was frustrated and sleepy and hadn’t been to the gym in weeks. Hell, he’d barely left the apartment since it had all happened, and he had a feeling Cas was getting very close to exploding.

And he did.

It was first thing Saturday morning and they were back to the doctor. Cas had finally flipped last night. He’d got up to go to the bathroom and when Dean came through 10 minutes later wondering where the hell he’d got too, he found Cas bout to set the box of pills alight in the trash can.

“Cas, come on. This is a bit extreme.”

“I can’t take it anymore Dean!”

“Cas give me the matches.”

“No.”

“Cas, come on!”

“No that’s it, I’m not taking another damn pill.”

“Just give it time…”

“I’ve given it time Dean and its not getting any better. That’s it, I’m done.”

Dean had wanted to protest, but Cas was right. It wasn’t getting any better.

“Look Cas sweetheart, you’re right. You can’t go on like this, but we’ve got this far, you haven’t had a seizure in weeks…”

“I’d rather have seizures than be comatose all-day Dean!”

“I know Cas, I know. What I’m saying is, the medication works for you, you’ve had no seizures, but the side effects, I agree, are not ok. Just please, let me take you to the doctor and see if there is anything else we can try, different dosages, different medication entirely… just try for me ok?”

Cas sighed and leant into Dean, letting the man wrap his arms around him, sighing into his shoulder. Dean just held him tight, feeling the frustration and the fatigue draining from him. This must be hell for Cas. He couldn’t imagine what it was like to have no control and now the medication that was supposed to be helping was taking even more of his life away.

“I’ll try Dean. But I can’t keep living like this, if there’s no improvement…”

“I know Buddy and I’m with you.”

“You are?”

“Yes of course. The seizures are terrifying and they suck, but at least you can live some sort of life between them. I’ll support you whatever you chose.”

“Thank you, Dean. It means the world it really does.”

Getting him to the doctors though hadn’t been much easier than convincing him to go. Not because Cas was resisting, but because it was like trying to control a real-life Zombie. Dean had, had to practically drag him to the car, where he’d fallen fast asleep on Dean’s shoulder as he drove and then it took 4 attempts to wake him in the parking lot. When they finally got inside, receiving many strange looks from other patients in the waiting room he fell asleep, again on Dean’s shoulder while they waited to be called.

Dean tried to bury his head in a magazine and not get wound up about the fact that they were already 30mins late calling him in. Cas was happily oblivious, dreaming away on Dean’s shoulder which was now numb and if that old lady in the corner gave him one more disgusted look, Dean swore to God he would smash her stupid little face into the wall.

“Mr. Novak?”

Dean elbowed Cas harshly and thanked the goddamn lord when he blinked his eyes open first time.

“What?” Cas asked groggily.

“You’re up.” Dean said, helping Cas to his feet, but when Dean was about to sit down and leave Cas to go in alone, he felt Cas’ fingers tight round his wrist.

“Come with me?” He asked, looking a little vulnerable.

“Sure.” Dean smiled, putting an arm around Cas’ shoulders comfortingly.

“And this is?” The Doctor asked as Dean and Cas entered the room and closed the door behind them.

“My boyfriend.” Cas answered quickly, looking at Dean with a fond smile and do-eyed gaze that made him want to jump him right then and there in front of the Doc.

“Okay.” She smiled warmly and Dean was glad they weren’t going to get any crap from her at least.

“So, what can I do for you Mr. Novak?”

“I came to see if anything can be done about my epilepsy medication.”

She quickly scanned through the computer, pulling up Castiel’s notes and reading them through.

“Ok, I see Dr. Coppack altered your dose a week ago and you’ve been on this type of medication for nearly three weeks is that right?”

“Yes.”

“OK, so how is the altered dose working, or as it would seem not working for you?”

“It has helped.” Cas started, but Dean jumped in.

“Yeah, taken you down from 20 hours comatose a day, to 18. He’s so groggy all the time Doc I can barely keep him awake long enough to get any food down him.”

“Ok, that is a know side effect of this medication, but that does seem a little extreme.”

Dean scoffed.

“And has he had any seizures since he was put on it?” She asked still looking at the screen seemingly scrutinising something.

“No.” Dean answered.

“Ok, Mr. Novak have you had any symptoms similar to being drunk, so we’re talking unsteadiness, nausea or poor concentration?”

There was no reply and Dean turned to find Cas’s head dropped, chin to his chest.

“Is… is he asleep?” The doctor said, bemused.

“Yeah, he does that.” Dean said, elbowing him gently. “Cas?” There was no reply, other than a sleepy mumble and Dean sighed, shaking him again.

“Is he always this difficult to rouse?”

“Most of the time yeah.” Dean said as Cas finally opened his eyes with a confused expression on his face. “Takes me 10 minutes sometimes. The first time I had a damn heart attack, thought I was going to have to call an ambulance.”

“What’s happening?” Cas grunted.

“You fell asleep.”

“Wow Dean I never would have guessed.” Cas grumbled and the doctor chuckled.

“Look Mr. Novak. I have a cousin who went through what you’re going through. For 6 months they told her to wait for it to get into her system properly, and yes, medically speaking, over time the severity of the side effects should decrease. Some people do go back to normal and it _can_ take up to a year, but my cousin never did. 6 months later she was still sleeping like a cat. You clearly are having a quite severe reaction to result in such a high level of drowsiness, and I see from your notes you were an athlete so I’m not going to send you away and tell you to sit it out in the hope things will improve. We do need to make a change, but since the medication is successfully helping your seizures, I’m going to keep you on it. We’ll half the dose again and combine it with another medication.”

“And how will that help?” Dean asked.

“The combination doesn’t have any further effect on your seizures but in quite a few patients with the same drowsiness problems you have it has been known to combat the side effect quite well. Give it 2 or 3 weeks to settle in and if that still hasn’t helped we’ll look at changing your medication all together.”

“That ok for you Cas?” Dean asked gently and Cas sighed tiredly.

“What have I got to lose?” He shrugged.

“I’ll just write up your new prescription for you now. I really hope this solves the problem for you, but if it doesn’t or anything gets worse and stays that way longer than a week, pop back and book an appointment with me. I will get you sorted Mr. Novak, it doesn’t have to rule your life.”

“Thanks very much doctor.” Cas smiled weakly.

………………………………


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait on this chapter and it may be a wait until the next one, but it will come I promise, I just have exams coming up soon. :)

“Hey Cas.”

“Hello Dean.”

“Looking better.” Dean smiled as he ditched his dirty stuff from the gym into the washer and breathed in the mouth-watering scent of Cas’ cooking. Cas did look better, probably better than he ever had since he’d known him. It was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders; he was well rested, well fed and… well, his hair was still a train wreck but that’s just the way Dean liked it.

“I feel it. I believe this combination is much better.” Cas smiled and boy did Dean love to see that smile.

In fact, he’d seen it a lot recently. It had taken a few days, but the new medication seemed to work at long last. By the weekend, despite a small reluctance to get out of bed and getting tired early on the evening, Cas was pretty much back to his normal self.

“You didn’t have to make me lunch.” Dean smiled

“I wanted to.” Cas grinned back. “How was the gym?”

“Good, fine. Nothing’s changed.” Dean shrugged. He felt crap for going without Cas, he knew how much the guy was missing it, but Cas had insisted. He was kind of pleased that Cas had admitted he wasn’t ready this morning, maybe they’d finally got through to him on the whole ‘take care of yourself’ thing. “Kind of missed my sparring partner though.” Dean admitted. “Benny says Hi and Meg growled at me, but I think that kind of meant Hi as well so...”

Cas chuckled. “I think I’ll try to go tommorow.” Cas said, a little uncertainly. “I went for a run this morning and felt ok, bit rusty, but ok.”

“That’s awesome!” Dean smiled. Ok, maybe he was a bit concerned Cas had gone out on his own, not knowing if with the new meds it would trigger a seizure, but Cas was a grown man and God knows his mood had been even more foul being kept from his exercise addiction.

All in all, Dean was utterly relieved to be back to relative normalcy. He hadn’t begrudged looking after Cas, in fact it was quite the opposite; it more pissed him off that he couldn’t be there to look after him full time but Bobby, despite his understanding, just couldn’t spare him in the busy run up to winter. His damn phone had also become a news hub for all his friends, who were constantly asking for updates on Cas. Dean was exhausted. Utterly.

“Cas, so I said you could stay here until you got your meds settled...” Dean started nervously and watched as Cas’ shoulders sunk a little.

“Oh, of course, I was going to talk to you about that later today, I was planning on getting out your hair tommorow and moving back in to my place.” He said with a sad smile, which took Dean aback.

“That’s the thing Cas, and call me forward, but… I kind like having you around the place and I was wondering if you wanted to stay.”

“Stay… like move in?”

“Yes, if you want.” Dean shifted nervously.

Cas looked a little unsure. “I… we’ve only been on one date, I…”

“I get it, its too soon. I wasn’t suggesting jump straight into the same bed with each other or anything, more like flat mates you know?”

There was a pregnant pause while Cas looked at his bare feet uncomfortably, seemingly deep in thought.

“Flat mates, sounds… very good Dean.” Cas said and Dean looked him in the eye in shock. “It’s not that I don’t want to move in with you,” he continued, “or even that I feel we’re moving too fast… it’s quite the opposite actually. It just suddenly occurred to me how we have been in the same house for 3 weeks and everything we do together just feels so comfortable. It’s happened so fast I hadn’t stopped to think, and your proposition, well, it _made_ me think and that shook me a little.”

“I feel the same way… about the comfort thing. It’s weird, but I feel like we’ve known each other forever and not just a few months.”

“Is this a good thing?” Cas asked, uncertainly.

“Well, it’s never happened to me in a relationship before, I think that must mean is a good thing.” Dean chuckled.

“So, it’s like we just fit?”

Dean smiled. “I like that. And we do, we just fit.” Pressing a kiss to Cas’ lips which wasn’t quite as chaste as he’d intended.

“Keep doing that and you won’t get any lunch.” Cas growled nipping Dean’s lip as they pulled apart.

“Maybe I don’t want any.” Dean hummed in response going back in for seconds.

“So, you don’t want the pie I brought back from the roadhouse then?” Cas asked, not quite as seductively as he would have liked. Instead his voice cracked instead as Dean sucked on a spot on his neck.

“Hmmm, tough decision. But you taste better than pie.” Dean purred and Cas groaned in surprise, discarding the frying pan on the cooker and letting Dean press him into the counter.

“Dean.” Cas breathed.

“Yes Angel?” Dean smiled, grazing his teeth along Cas’ collarbone, running a hand up inside the hem of his shirt, aiming for his nipples.

“Nngh.” Was all Cas could manage as Dean’s fingers met their target and a jolt of pleasure ran through his body.

“Eloquent.” Dean chuckled.

“Shut up.” Cas growled, lunging forward and capturing Dean by his mouth, backing him across the room till the back of his knees hit the couch. Dean was expecting to find himself laid, back into the soft cushions, Cas bearing down on top of him, completely at the Angel’s mercy any second now… but Cas didn’t move. He just kept kissing, hands exploring under Dean’s shirt. So, Dean let his hands go down; down Cas’ back, down to brush over the firm globes of his ass, making Cas’ breath hitch and finally his hands tightened, grasping Cas by the back of his thighs and lifting. The moan Cas gave as he practically jumped into Dean made the green-eyed man moan in return.

Before Cas could think straight the world had spun around and he found himself on his back, staring up into Dean’s eyes as the man gently coaxed him out of his shirt before ridding himself of his own. He knew it should have worried him, Dean seeing his scars, but it just didn’t. He trusted Dean completely and that should have scared him, but he couldn’t be scared with Dean. Cas’ hands instantly reached out to feel the soft muscle of Dean’s stomach, panting, eyes blown as Dean’s mouth started to explore his chest. He couldn’t hold back the sounds that were desperate to escape him, but they only seemed to encourage Dean. Cas could feel his hold on reality slipping as his body shivered in pleasure at Dean’s ministrations, he wanted to return them, but he felt like jelly. He could barely draw breath, but it felt so good, it felt so good to let Dean have his way. And all he wanted to do was touch.

Dean could do this all day. Cas was a specimen; from his powerful arms, the bounce of his abs, to those exquisite hip bones that looked like they were carved out of marble. There wasn’t a hair gracing the sun-kissed skin of his torso other than the light happy trail running downwards from his belly button that Dean’s tongue was currently teasing. Cas’ hands fisted desperately into the couch. One thing that was all too clear in the afternoon light were the scars; a collage of old and new; small, white ones littered his stomach, some were more severe and purple. It nearly made Dean stop. To see such perfect flesh marred with the memory of pain and suffering… a deep purple mark between his ribs looked like it had known a knife and a paler white circle on his right shoulder all too closely resembled a bullet wound. It made him want to tear apart whoever had hurt Cas like this, but he knew Cas didn’t need Dean to protect him. Each scar was a mark of his strength, of his survival. They were beautiful. He couldn’t stop. Cas had trusted him with this; he had trusted Dean not to ask questions or to treat him like a freak.

“You’re beautiful Cas.” The words fell out of his mouth almost without him realising.

“Dean…” Cas whined.

“I mean it Cas.” Dean breathed. “So beautiful.”

“Dean, you’re perfect.” Cas gasped, finding the strength from somewhere to run his hands down Dean’s back to cup his ass, making Dean groan and grind his hips downwards. They both moaned simultaneously as they brushed through the thick material of their jeans, so Dean rolled his hips again.

Cas whined, but for a moment he tensed sharply, and Dean stopped immediately.

“Are you ok?” He asked, concerned, between his panting breaths.

“Yes, I’m fine I just… too much.” Cas gasped, getting his breath. Dean made a move to climb off and give him space, but Cas grabbed his shoulder forcefully. “No don’t go, please.”

“That’s ok.” Dean smiled, relaxing onto his elbows and stroking the side of Cas’ face. “Just tell me what you need.”

“Just need to slow down.” Cas gasped, still trying to catch his breath.

“No one ever hurt you, did they?” Dean asked hesitantly. “I mean you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, I just don’t want to do anything…”

“No Dean, its nothing like that.” Cas said comfortingly, stroking Dean’s hair and pulling him down for a gentle kiss. “It may not seem like it at times, but caution is seemingly wired into my DNA and this is very new to me.” Cas sighed. “It doesn’t mean I don’t trust you Dean, I trust you with my life.”

“That means a lot to me Cas.” Dean smiled as Cas continued to pepper him with small kisses on his neck and face. “We’ll take it as slow as you want Angel. No pressure.”

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas sighed happily, eyes a little hooded, blinking tiredly.

“Would it help if you were on top?” Dean asked. “I mean, I thought with you that I’d fighting to top and hell, I know you’d win every time hands down…”

“No, I actually…” And then Cas blushed as red as a tomato which made Dean smiled fondly. How such a strong, fierce man could go from being terrifying to adorable at the flip of a coin was beyond him.

“You can tell me anything Cas, I won’t judge.” Dean encouraged, stroking the back of his hand across Cas’ stomach to the blue eyed mans delighted shiver.

“Well… I… I like it when you take control, when you lift me and put me where you want me… Its freeing, like I don’t have to worry about anything for a while and just trust you to take care of me.” Cas said timidly. “I’ve never had that.” He said, looking up at Dean in awe before his cheeks suddenly tinged with shame and he looked away. “I’m sorry that sounds weird I…”

Dean pressed a finger to his lips. He wasn’t going to let anything self-deprecating come out of that beautiful mouth. “It’s not weird Cas.” He firmly reassured. “Never be ashamed to tell me what you want. You’re so strong and beautiful and I’m honoured Cas, I’m honoured that you let me see you like this.” Dean said pressing a kiss to the tip of Cas’ nose.

“I think I love you Dean Winchester.”

Those words knocked the air clean out of Dean’s lungs like a kick to the chest. The words that left his own mouth straight after nearly suffocated him.

“I love you too Castiel Novak.”

And he meant it.

………………………………

“You ok Benny?” Dean asked with a slight frown as he watched the stern man was looking across the gym with a worried frown on his face and his arms folded.

“I’m a bit worried bout Novak, he’s going at it hard today, seems frustrated. He been ok?”

Cas had been back in training for a week. Dean kind of missed coming home to Cas making lunch. Bobby couldn’t spare him the time for a lunch hour away from the shop while they caught up with their workload. But Cas, the angel he was, got up at the crack of dawn, went for his run and had a packed lunch ready for Dean when he finally dragged his ass out of bed ready for work.

Living with Cas was just so easy. There were no demands, no expectations, no reading between the lines. If Cas had a thought on something, he’d say it. He always let Dean know what he was thinking, it meant they bickered a little about the small things like how that ‘licking it clean and then rinsing under the tap is not an acceptable way to wash the dishes’ but it also meant they hadn’t had any serious disagreements. Dean didn’t need to try and guess what Cas was thinking, which was a good thing because Cas was a damn difficult person to read. All in all, it was domestic bliss. Cas laid snuggled up to Dean on an evening watching whatever Dean wanted to on the TV. Cas certainly liked his blankets, there was a semi-permanent nest on the couch and another in one of the arm chairs in the corner. He seemed to cat nap a lot and it was rubbing off on Dean. Going home for a nap after the gym was now the favourite part of his weekends. He’d do almost anything as long as it was with the Angel.

Dean smiled. “He’s ok Benny, not frustrated just focused. Nut-job’s got a new target.”

“Oh yeah, and what would that be?” Benny chuckled in amusement.

“Well he got back from his run yesterday and announced he was going to do the New York City Marathon.”

“Right. Yeah, sounds like Novak. How long away is that?”

“4 months.”

“Well, he practically runs 15 miles a morning anyway, so it’s doable I suppose.” Benny shrugged.

“It gets worse.”

“How?”

“He wants to run sub 2:30.”

“He’s lost it. He’s never going to do that.” Benny scoffed.

“Yeah but try convincing him of that.”

“What about with his seizures?” Benny frowned.

“Shouldn’t be a problem as long as he doesn’t get stupidly dehydrated.” Dean shrugged. “The meds have really got him on an even keel.”

“Well whatever. I know better than anyone that you aint going to talk him out of it. Guess that why he’s spent all day on the leg press.”

“Yeah probably. He was out running for 2 hours before I even got out of bed this morning.”

“Bet he’s talked your ear off about his training plan.”

“Don’t even go there.” Dean groaned.

“I believe my ears are burning.” Cas said, sneaking up behind Dean, standing so close that he could feel Cas’ breath on the back of his neck. They’d agreed against PDA’s in the gym mutually, it wasn’t their style, but it didn’t stop Dean’s urge to jump Cas’ bones when he felt Cas’ hand at the back of his waist.

“You taught him English!” Meg gasped. “How on Earth did you manage that Deano? What other things can he say now?” She said in mock amazement.

“I know understand who you mean when you refer to me as Spock.” Cas announced.

“Oh yeah?” Meg said with wry smile.

“Yes, Dean showed me Star Trek. Though I can’t figure out why you regard that as an insult… Spock is intelligent, strong and highly logical and is often the one to resolve any predicament they might find themselves in…”

“Yep, still our Clarence.” Meg sighed with a smile, patting him on the back.

“I still don’t understand why you call me Clarence though.”

“To be honest, neither do I.” Dean agreed.

“Clearly you got some more movies to watch boys.” Meg called behind her as she walked away.

“Well, that was conclusive.” Dean shrugged.

“Dean, will you spot me in the back room?” Cas asked, taking him gently by the wrist.

“Yeah sure, I’ll finish this set and see you in there.” Dean nodded, laying back onto the bench as Cas nodded and moved away.

“He looks really good Dean.” Benny smiled.

“Yeah he does.”

“Better than I seen him in a long time. It’s a good thing you got going.”

“It really is.” Dean sighed, sitting back up to watch Cas’ retreating form and noting that he’d have to get him to wear those shorts more often…

“Doesn’t mean you can sit there gawking at your boyfriend, you got to bench another 10 reps, quit slacking.” Benny barked.

“Yes boss.” Dean groaned.

………………………………………….

Cas hadn’t come home. He hadn’t even said he was going out and Dean was goddamn worried. It was a Friday night, usually his rest day and he’d called Benny three times. Cas wasn’t at the gym, nor had he been since early that morning. He hadn’t answered a text since about 5pm when he’d said he’d meet Dean at home, but it was now after 9 and no sign of the Angel.

About 1000 worst case scenarios where running through Dean’s head right now and he was getting a bit frantic. He’d called everyone they knew, Sam was trying to calm him, saying Cas had probably just got caught up and his battery had died; but that’s not what Dean’s gut was telling him and he knew better than to ignore it.

Then finally his phone pinged.

Text from Benny: _When you get a call, pick it up._

What? What was that supposed to mean. Dean was half way through typing a confused reply when a call from an unknown number came in.

“Hello?”

“Dean Winchester, this is Sherriff Jody Mills, we met outside Purgatory with the Alastair incident I believe.”

“Yeah, Yeah I remember you.” The Sherriff was calling, why was the Sherriff calling? His stomach churned frantically. “What’s going on?”

“Usually I ring Benny in these circumstances, but he told me to talk to you. If you could come and pick up Mr. Novak from the station as soon as possible that would be great.”

“Is he ok? Is he in trouble?”

“He’s a little bashed around Mr. Winchester, but he’s been checked over by the FME, he’s fine and relatively speaking not in any trouble.”

“Ok, Ok.” Dean’s worry receded and escalated at the same time. Cas was alive, but he was hurt, but not too badly… and he still didn’t know what had happened. The Sherriff didn’t sound happy in the slightest. “I’m on my way.”

……………………………………………

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the rushed proof read on this. Feel free to point out any glaring errors, just wanted to get you a chapter out. Thanks for being to patient and don't forget to leave a line in the comments.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back to save you from that cliff hanger…

“Benny?” Dean asked in confusion as he arrived at the station to find his friend already there. The place was rammed. It was a Friday night after all and the drunk and disorderly were pouring in car load by car load.

“Hey Cher.” Benny said with a tired sigh.

“Benny what’s going on?”

“Look, I’ve just seen him, physically he’s a bit of a mess. He’s fine, its nothing serious, but mentally he’s fucked up big time, he’s going to need help tonight, try not to ask too many questions, just be there, be understanding.”

“What the hell happened?” Getting more and more agitated by the second.

“You remember what happened with Alastair?”

“Yes of course.” Dean huffed.

“Well its along the same line, I’m not going to say any more about why, but a bunch of guys jumped him on the way home and they’ve made a bit of a mess of each other. Jody has sorted it out, there are no charges against your boy, we just need to get him back to yours without him tearing anyone else’s head off.”

“Tearing heads off, that’s metaphorical right?”

“Yes Dean.” Benny sighed. “But he has put three people in a coma tonight, and pretty much filled the emergency room with the rest.”

“Jesus.” Dean hissed, running a hand through his hair.

“You’ve only seen a glimpse of him in this state Dean. I wouldn’t have called you at all… its usually me who deals with him when he’s like this, but I think you’re probably the person he needs most right now. I just want you to be prepared.”

“For what Benny? Dean asked, but both their eyes were drawn to the movement in the back of the station.

Cas was being led out from the cells at the back and what Dean saw made him gasp. It wasn’t so much Cas’ injuries, Benny was right they were minor; A split lip and a bruised cut up cheekbone, it wasn’t even the blood on his shirt. Not his own, Dean guessed, but there was a lot of it. It was the look in Cas’ eyes. The usually striking blue orbs, were dull and full of anger, full of danger. He hadn’t even noticed the presence of Dean and Benny, or well… seemingly anyone else in the room.

“Let me try first.” Benny asked, as he moved up to Cas as the officer released him, handing him what Dean recognised as a tray with Cas’ phone and the apartment keys.

Dean wasn’t sure what Benny was saying to Cas over the din in the station, but Cas didn’t look interested and was trying hard to brush Benny off. He looked like he wanted to hit something, and Benny was doing a good job of making himself the target.

Dean took it as his cue to step in.

“Come on Cas, let’s get you home.” Dean said nonchalantly, letting his fingers brush Cas’ gently but not taking his hand. Cas’ hands were bloody, knuckles swollen but they had clearly been tended to already, judging by the adorning bandages and smell of antiseptic. Regardless, Cas was wired, angry and getting very close to snapping like a cornered animal.

“Dean?” Cas’ head turned towards him and suddenly his eyes seemed to de-cloud. The first response was surprise, Cas clearly hadn’t expected to see Dean here and shame flashed across his face, the anger bleeding out of his frame being replaced with distress. Dean took the opportunity to slip his finger’s in between Cas’.

“It’s ok Cas.” Dean said with a reassuring smile. “Want to get out of here?”

Cas nodded with a sigh, looking down at the floor. Benny patted Dean on the back reassuringly, signalling a job well done. That’s when Dean noticed the tremor in Cas’ frame, and he looked him in the face worriedly.

“Cas, you ok, your shaking?”

“Adrenaline I think.” Cas huffed. “I’m fine, honest.”

“Ok.” Dean nodded. “I brought your meds if you want them.” Dean added, fingering his pocket where he had Cas’ pill bottle.

Cas just nodded and Dean worked quickly to press two pills into his palm. Dean started moving towards the door and to his relief Cas followed, Benny close behind. It was all going well, they were about 20 feet from the door, but it was 20 feet too far.

A side door in the corridor opened and a very beat up looking guy, cuffed and held by two officers stepped put. Cas coiled like a spring, every muscle snapped taught.

“Cas?” Dean tightened his grip a little on Cas’ shoulder in concern.

“Hey there Novak.” The man hissed with a sly grin.

Cas practically growled as Benny quickly slipped between the men, body blocking The angel. “Cas calm down. Think. Its not worth it.” Benny said calmly. But Cas’ eyes were the man like a predator fixated on its prey.

“Cas, let’s go home yeah?” Dean tried, but Cas wasn’t going anywhere.

“We know where they are.” The man chuckled. And Cas’ eyes widened in fear which quickly turned to anger.

“What!” Cas surged forward, but Dean and Benny held him back. “What did you say!”

The man just laughed as the two police officers tried to wrestle him out of the way. “I said we know where they are, Angel, he knows and he’s going to find them!”

Cas charged, Dean landed on his back, but somehow Benny was still on his feet, holding Cas back enough for the other officers to drag the other man out the way. With the threat gone Cas’ expression went to utter panic, his hands tearing through his hair he turned to Dean frantically.

“Dean, did you come in the car?” Cas asked, pulling Dean to his feet.

“Cas what’s going on…” Dean grunted, rubbing his back.

“Did you come in the car?!” Cas yelled.

“Yeah, Jesus! It’s parked outside.”

“I need you to take me to my place, Now!” Dean had seen a lot of sides of Cas, he’d never seen him this terrified and it scared him almost as much.

“Ok, Ok.” Dean nodded, following Cas who was running out the door. “Left.” He called, telling Cas where to go as he pulled the keys out of his pocket.

“Please hurry Dean.” Cas begged as they slipped into the car. Dean didn’t need to be asked twice. He pushed the gas pedal to the floor and sped off into the night.

……………………………….

Cas was out the car before it even stopped moving, but instead of going straight into the house he went into the garage. Dean decided to stay in the car and give him some space. But when Cas marched out the garage, a determined look on his face and an axe in hand, there was no way he was staying put.

“Oh hell, no…” Dean gasped as he scrambled out of the car. By the time he got inside there was he sound of splintering wood as Cas hacked at the floorboards underneath the already torn up carpet. He reached into the floor and pulled out a cell phone in a zip lock bag, which looked it also contained the sim card and the phone’s battery, all separated.

“Dean please wait outside.” Cas said, unbelievable calm in his tone as he started assembling the phone.

“Cas…”

“Please!” He asked desperately. Yep, that was more like it.

“Ok.” Dean held up his hands and backed out. It was all starting to make sense, Cas was protecting someone, or someone’s. Whatever his involvement was with the hellions it involved running and Dean knew all too well what that was like.

………………………………….

Dean sat in the car and watched Cas’ shadow pace up and down in the living room as he spoke on the phone. He was dying to know what was being said, who he was talking to… half of him was thinking that this was none of his business, but the other half… Cas had said he trusted Dean with his life, so why wouldn’t he tell him what’s going on?

He was snapped out of it by a knock on the window.

“Cas?” The call clearly hadn’t lasted long. It was likely a warning, telling whoever he was protecting to move on.

“I’m… I’m going to stay here tonight, I’m sorry about… everything, you can go Dean.”

“Excuse me? What?” Dean scoffed.

“I’d like you to go. I’ll get my stuff from your place tommorow, this isn’t working.” Cas said, eyes locked on Dean’s, jaw tense.

“No.” Dean scoffed shaking his head. Cas was a terrible liar, his eyes gave too much away and they were swimming with fear and pain and regret. Cas was trying to push him away and he sure as hell wasn’t going to stand for that.

“What?” Cas asked, surprised.

“Fuck no, you don’t get to do this Cas, you don’t get to push me away just cos something got you scared! You’re forgetting I’ve had my fair share of run ins with these guys in my time!”

“Dean…”

“You said you trust me Cas, I think your exact words that you trust me with your life, so what’s the problem? Why won’t you talk to me!”

“Because it’s not my life I’m worried about!” Cas snapped, his face a picture of fear and desperation. He turned and walked a few steps away from the car, Dean opened the Car door to follow him.

“It’s not my life Dean, I don’t care what happens to me…” Cas said brokenly.

“Cas…” Dean said, his voice heartbroken. He saw it, he could see it right there in his eyes that Cas meant it.

“Dean, my family they’re all that matter to me, I have to keep them safe, I can’t let it happen again.”

“Your family?” Dean asked, a little shocked. Cas had a family… he’d never thought…

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I…”

“Cas, no I get it.” Dean said, closing the gap between them. “I really get it… I’ve spent my whole life trying to keep Sammy safe. I understand.” He pulled Cas into his arms and just held him as he slowly started to calm down. “Are they safe?” Dean asked sincerely.

“I won’t know for a few hours.” Cas said with a shiver.

“OK.” Dean nodded. “If you still want to stay here, we can do that, but I’m not leaving you, ok. That’s non-negotiable.”

“Dean I’m so sorry, what I said…”

“You don’t need to apologise, you were freaked out, just please don’t do it again.”

“I promise. And… I think I’d like to go home… to our home.” Cas said softly.

Dean smiled. “That I can do.” He said

…………………………………………..

Cas had been pacing since they got home, he seemed calmer… marginally, and all Dean wanted to do was pull him down onto the couch and hold him until this was all over, but he couldn’t. Cas needed to deal this his own way for now.

The message finally came at 2am. Cas practically sobbed in relief and sunk down next to Dean on the sofa.

“They ok?”

“Yes, they’re safe.”

“Thank God.” Dean sighed, rubbing Cas’s shoulders as he lay his head on Dean’s. “How are you feeling?”

“Shit.”

“You had a lot of stress today Cas and I hate to say it, but… I’m worried you might have a seizure.”

“I know, so am I.” Cas winced as Dean’s arm lopped around his waist.

“Cas, did I hurt you?”

“Sorry, no, my ribs are just sore.” Cas hissed rubbing his side.

“Let me see?” Dean asked and Cas looked him in the eyes a little hesitantly, before nodding. Dean smiled reassuringly and helped Cas out of his shirt. “Cas…” He hissed in sympathy as he saw the mottled purple stain across one side of his chest.

“Its ok, they’re not broken.” He said, but that was hardly reassuring.

“What the hell did that?” Dean asked with a growl.

“A crowbar.” Cas huffed.

“A damn…” Dean sighed. He took in the deep, straight-line bruises on Cas’ forearms, defensive wounds no doubt from the damn crowbar too. “How many guys then?” He asked with a smile.

“Not entirely sure, it was dark… 7 maybe 8.”

“Wish I’d been there.” Dean said, pressing a kiss to Cas’ bruises tenderly.

“Why? So, you could protect me?” Cas smiled gently.

“Hell no, so I could watch you take them out.” Dean smirked. “Your very, very hot when your…”

“Half psycho?” Cas chuckled bitterly.

“You’re not a psycho. You’re just a badass… with a very nice ass.”

“Dean...”

“I know, just playing. Not tonight. You tired?”

“Yes, I think I’ll get some sleep.”

Cas said, with a tired smile. Getting up to head to his room when he stopped and turned. “Dean?”

“Yeah Cas?”

Cas paused, mouth open, but finally spoke again. “Will you… would you stay with me tonight?”

Dean smiled. “Course I will.” He was so glad Cas had asked. He wanted to be close to Cas for so many reasons right now, but he was certainly worried about the potential risk of seizure after the hell Cas had been through today.

“Right,” Dean announced as he slid under the covers with Cas. “Big spoon or little spoon?”

“Why would we need spoons? Cas asked with a tilt of his head that has Dean grinning.

“Never mind.” He said, pulling Cas close into him so his head ws resting on Dean’s chest. “Comfy?”

“Mmmm.” Cas hummed, eyelids drooping.

“Will you tell me about your family sometime?” He asked, stroking down the bridge of Cas’ nose.

“Sometime.” Cas hummed. “Sometime soon.” He promised and Dean broke out in a smile.

“Sleep well Cas. I got you.” Dean cooed.

“I got you first.” Cas mumbled.

“Whatever.” Dean chuckled.

……………………………………………..

The sun wasn’t even up, he can’t have been asleep for more than an hour or two and Dean was goddamn exhausted, so why the hell was he awake? Then he realised he was shaking… No, it wasn’t him, it was the body next to him.

“Oh God no.” Suddenly Dean was wide awake. “Cas.” Flicking the light on, he pulled away from Cas and put a firm grip on his arm to roll him onto his side. The reaction to Dean’s touch was instant.

“No.” Cas howled, jerking violently and Dean pulled back. This was new. “No, stop! No!” Cas started thrashing violently, knocking Dean to the edge of the mattress. This wasn’t a seizure, this was a nightmare.

“Cas! Cas Wake up!” Dean yelled, shaking him roughly as Cas twisted in the sheets screaming in what sounded like agonising pain. “Cas!”

Suddenly blue eyes snapped open as Cas woke with a jerk grasping at Dean.

“Cas, calm down its me, it’s Dean.” He soothed, a little out of breath, barely able to keep his voice level.

“Dean?” Cas asked, eyes still clouded in fear and confusion, his whole body trembling uncontrollably.

“Yeah Angel, it’s me, you’re safe.”

“God I’m sorry.” Cas sighed shakily, letting Dean pull him closer again. “I didn’t hurt you?”

“No, you didn’t. Just scared the crap out of me. I’m sorry I thought you were having a seizure and I was trying to get you on your side.”

“I didn’t have a seizure, did I?”

“No Cas, you’re fine. I promise. Just a nightmare.”

Cas sighed a little in relief, a little in exhaustion.

“If you want to…”

“Not tonight Dean I can’t.” Cas huffed.

“Ok.” Dean conceded, feeling utterly useless. “I’m just going to get a drink.” He said with an awkward sigh. They both could use some space to clear their heads right now.

Dean wandered though to the kitchen, letting the adrenaline slowly seep out with each step he took. Jesus this had been a rollercoaster day. He reached into the fridge to grab a beer, flicking off the top as he picked up his phone to see 10 missed calls from Benny and 4 from Sam.

Shit, Benny… they’d kind of just ditched him at the station. He sighed and picked up the phone.

“Hi Benny.” Dean answered nervously.

“Hi Benny? Hi Benny? That’s all you’re got to say?” He chuckled bitterly.

“I’m really sorry I ditched..."

“Never mind that, I’ve had hours to be angry about that, what I need to know is if you’re alright?”

“As he can be… wait, if I’m ok?”

“Yes Dean, if you are ok. Cas clearly won’t be right now, but he’s Cas, he’ll get through. Cas can… well psycho isn’t the right word but he’s tough to deal with at times like this, so how are you dealing?”

“I’m fine Benny. Honestly, he’s not been too bad, a bit intense, yes, but easy enough to calm down and he’s, he’s opened up to me a lot today, helped me understand…”

“Figures.”

“Figures?”

“It’s you Dean. Just you being there levels him right out. How he just calmed right down in the police station… he’d never have done that for me, or anyone else. You’ve got him under some sort of spell Dean, don’t you dare fuck this up.”

“I won’t Benny, I promise.”

The line went dead. He fired off a text to Sam saying everything was ok, that Cas had been found and he’d explain tommorow, because now there was only one thing on his mind. He grabbed the whole 6 pack of beer out of the fridge and grabbed a few blankets, leaving them with the impala keys by the door before heading back into Cas’ room.

The man in question was just staring at the ceiling, looking tired, pale and defeated, eyes swimming with something unrecognisable and Dean wished he knew what his boyfriend was thinking right now.

“Hey Cas.”

“Hello Dean.”

“You’re not going to get any more sleep tonight, are you?” He asked knowingly.

Cas sat up wearily and shook his head. “Not likely.”

Dean nodded, pulling on a t-shirt and a jacket he’d grabbed from his room. “Put something warm on I got an idea.”

“An idea?”

“Yep, come on it’s a surprise.”

…………………………………….

Night time in the forest was as beautiful as it was eerie, but the smell of the pine and the chirping of the crickets in the early hours was soothing and magical as the crescent moon which continued its arch through the still ink black sky.

It was a beautiful clear night, the stars clear and bright in the air, so many millions of miles away. It was breath-taking and soothing.

“We’re here.” Dean smiled as he pulled baby to a stop in a clearing just off the trail.

“It’s beautiful.” Castiel breathed, the constellations reflecting in the blue of his eyes.

“I used to bring Sammy to places like this when he couldn’t sleep. Didn’t matter where Dad dragged us I could always find a spot like this.”

“It’s so peaceful.”

“Come on, let’s sit up on the hood, its warm out and I brought beer.” Dean said, grabbing some blankets and beer from the backseat.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to scratch your beautiful car.”

Dean stared at him in awe.

“What?” Cas asked.

“Showing concern for my baby, as if I couldn’t love you more than I already do.”

Cas smiled sheepishly as Dean tapped the space on the hood next to him and Cas climbed on up, leaning into Dean who lopped his arm round Cas’ shoulders. They stared up at the sky in silence for a while

“You said you’d planned something like this for our date.” Cas said happily. “It would have been wonderful Dean.”

“Why don’t we make it that.” Dean proposed. “A date I mean. We could make a weekend of it, make up for lost time. Think we could both use the downtime.”

“I really am sorry Dean.” Cas said solemnly.

“And I told you, you have nothing to be sorry for.” Dean reassured again. “It’s ok not to be ok.”

“Then I would like that very much Dean.” Cas said pressing a kiss to Dean’s lips that deepened as Dean pulled him closer. “This is already the best first date I’ve ever been on.”

“You haven’t been on any other first dates, have you?” Dean realised with a frown.

“I wasn’t going to mention that.” Cas chuckled.

“Well, regardless, I’ll just have to make it so good that no one could ever top it.”

Cas smiled and rested his head on Dean’s chest. “The very fact it is you Dean means it’s the best I could ever have.”

…………………………….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably be the last chapter I post for a while, so enjoy it and I hope you can be patient enough to wait until after I've had my exams for the next one.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guy's I'm back again with my exams done.  
> Can't guarantee any sort of schedule as usual. I have 3 WIPs to finish so I'll work on them when I have some of that rare and precious commodity known as 'free time'.  
> Hope this chapter is ok for everyone.. it is very dialogue heavy but time for some revelations on Cas' part.

“Balthazar, Anna, Samandriel and Gabriel.”

“Say what?” Dean mumbled with a mouthful of his lunch. Cas was snuggled into his side as they watched Dr. Sexy after Cas’ morning run. The rest of the week after the police station incident had, had the potential to become very awkward but it thankfully that hadn’t been the case. Dean hadn’t pressed Cas to say anything, but it was obvious he no longer was feeling as patient as he had been when they’d first met. But Cas wasn’t bothered by that, Afterall, he was ready to tell him now. It was only fair after everything Dean had shared about his past he supposed, but that wasn’t his reason for doing this. Dean, he knew, he could trust. He hadn’t changed the way he looked at Cas once he knew about his seizures, he hadn’t freaked out about anything that had happened and most importantly when Cas had tried to push him away and he had held firm. He was never going to find anyone better than Dean, and it was about time he took a leap of faith and shared his story.

“My family’s names.” Cas clarified. “Balthazar, Anna, Samandriel and Gabriel.”

“Cas, you sure?” Dean asked straightening up, in surprise.

“Yes, Dean I Am.” Cas nodded, letting Dean pull him closer in anticipation. “It is a very long story, and not one I believe I have actually said out loud before.”

“Take your time Cas, only what you’re comfortable with.” Dean reminded and reassured him.

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas smiled, his appreciation showing in his eyes.

“My family history is incredibly convoluted.” He started with a sigh. “My family itself is very large indeed.” He took a breath. “My father had two wives in his life. Gabriel and my other brothers, bar Balthazar, were conceived of the first marriage, I, Anna and Samandriel were conceived of the second. My actual surname, at birth anyway, was Pellegrino.”

Dean’s face went white. “Pellegrino?” Dean asked cold and shocked. Cas may have never explicitly said he was involved with the Garrison, merely hinted at it, but if he was a Pellegrino…

“I know what you are thinking Dean, please just let me finish.” Cas begged, looking scared and small.

“I’m sorry.” Dean shook himself. He trusted Cas, he could do this without losing his cool.

“Yes, the other brothers I mentioned were Raphael, Lucifer and Michael Pellegrino. As well as Gabriel they were born of Father’s first marriage, so they are my half-brothers and yes, Lucifer and Michael were leaders of the Garrison. It was inevitable that I was going to be dragged into their world, but it was not of my own volition. After Gabriel left you see, I…” Cas paused. “Anna and Samandriel are twins.” He reconsidered his order of speech. “My Father’s second wife, my own mother, was much loved by the family, by my half-brothers especially. Apparently, their mother Naomi, was somewhat of a bitch and she left when they were very young.”

“Ok.” Dean nodded, still not sure where this was heading, but more than happy to listen and see.

“I was 5 years old when Anna and Samandriel were born, young I know, but old enough to remember... Mother died giving birth to them and it broke my father. He wasn’t the same after that. I remember my family before her death; Michael, Raphael and Lucifer, they were never kind,” He admitted. “And Gabriel was a terrible prankster, but all in all we were happy. We had a loving father and mother until that day and after it everything changed. Father may as well have not been there; Lucifer and Michael began fighting.” Castiel sighed taking a breath.

“Michael and Raphael blamed the twins for Mom’s death. I looked to Balthazar for help, he is several years older than me, but he was not interested. I believe now he was high most of the time… Gabriel, he was no help either, he disappeared about a year later.”

“You looked to them for help, help with what Cas?” Dean asked.

“Help protecting the twins from my oldest brothers.”

“Cas…”

“Yes, they hurt me Dean, from the ages of 5 until 8 I learnt to defend myself better whilst standing between my infant siblings and my older brothers.”

“Cas that’s… horrific, you think they would have killed a baby? Their own brother and sister?”

“They were in their mid to early teens, and yes, it seems they were full of anger, even then.” Cas tensed a little under Deans hold and the man gently rubbed his hand up and down Cas’ arm to soothe him.

“Full of anger… Insane most likely.” Dean growled, struggling to believe what he was hearing, not because he doubted Cas’ credibility, but even after all the evil he’d seen in his life he was struggling to imagine people so horrific.

“Yes, I suppose so there is no doubting that they are psychopathic. It appears to run in the family.”

“Not to everyone in the family.” Dean reminded him gently.

Cas looked at Dean uncertainly, words just hanging on his lips, but decided to carry on rather than to speak them, instead returning to the story.

“It was Lucifer who was my own undoing.” Cas sighed. “At first he seemed to be offering an olive branch. He helped me to look after the twins when Father was too drunk, kept us safe and took me to the boxing gym to train. By this stage Michael and Lucifer were both very skilled fighters and were running the beginnings of the garrison within the boxing club, but I knew none of this at the time. I wasn’t introduced to the gang until I was 12 years old. It took me another 4 years to realise that Lucifer did not care about me, merely used me as a pawn to get what he wanted and that was the throne so to speak.”

Cas looked down ashamed. Dean tightened his grip on Cas’ arm to let him know he had no reason to be. “I was there as the Garrison overthrew the Hellions, I was beaten, constantly endangered and once even stabbed, which was of course my own fault, and I did all of it out of some misplaced sense of loyalty. Lucifer only wanted me for my fighting skill. I was also small, unassuming and innocent looking, the last thing many were expecting… but then father found out when the police called him from the hospital saying I’d been stabbed in some gang war. I was utterly surprised that he kicked Lucifer out having found out he was in said gang and responsible for getting me involved. But he completely refused to believe Lucifer’s insistence that Michael was not only involved, but the very creator of said gang. Michael was the perfect son after all.” Cas scoffed, rubbing his wrist. “I remember stood in the doorway alone, saying goodbye to my brother when Lucifer held out a gun, offering it me and he asked me to kill Michael for him. I refused of course and he turned the gun on me, told me I’d betrayed him. I don’t think he actually meant to pull the trigger.” Cas shrugged sadly and Dean tensed. “He looked as shocked as I felt when I realised there was a hole in my shoulder.”

“Here?” Dean asked tracing the wound he’d seen with his fingers. Cas nodded, a shiver running through him. “You don’t mind me touching it?”

“No.” Cas confirmed with a weak and false smile. The impetus of his story telling had fallen out the bottom of the box and Dean could see the internal battles raging behind his eyes.

“So, what happened next?” Dean probed gently.

“Lucifer ran out the door, Michael ran after him. Father just stood there, I believe he was in shock. But Raphael lost it. He was screaming at the twins holding a kitchen knife, saying it was all their fault. He was blaming them for Lucifer being thrown out, for me being wounded… the latter shocked me. I’m not sure if that meant he cared about me, a large part of me of me doubts even that, but I think… we all cared for each other very much once and it is hard to understand how it all got so bad. It was nice for a moment to believe that there was still some spark of the love we had once shared. But with the twins in danger, somehow, I got up and I hit Raphael with a chair. I barely had time to grab some money and clothes and we left.”

“They left us alone for a while, but my brothers never forget. Things with the Garrison began escalating and the feud between Lucifer and Michael became more and more dangerous, though I was glad of it. It meant they forgot about us for a while. I turned professional; boxing, after all, was all I knew how to do, but despite my steadily growing wage after each win, we had to live in some horrible places, always moving. I knew Lucifer would never let me go, Michael would always be one step behind him and Raphael would never give up his hatred of the twins so I knew we were never safe.”

“But I became complacent after a while… The garrison seemed more concerned with their own affairs and less interested in us. I won my first world title, had sponsorship deals… the twins wanted to go to college, and I thought, why not? I was Castiel Novak, the Angel, surely, they wouldn’t touch me now. So, I bought a damn house for us. Let the twins go off to college and live in the dorms. For a brief few weeks we had a normal life. Until the day of the fight.”

“Lucifer and Michael.” Dean nodded.

“I watched my Michael beat my brother to death in the ring… Lucifer, despite everything, he was my brother and he did look after me. For most of my life he was the only thing I could rely on. I lost it, I had to make Michael pay.”

“Of course you did Cas.” Dean said, sensing Cas’ shame. “Anyone would.”

Cas shook his head. But didn’t challenge. “Then things got worse.” Cas said, voice shaking, and Dean wondered how on earth it could have gotten worse than what he had already described. “The day I challenged Michael, Samandriel got hit by a car on campus. The only reason he survived was because he’d seen it coming and tried to dive out of the way.”

“It was deliberate?”

“Yes.” Cas nodded. “I believe it was Raphael, I tracked the rental back to him anyway. The second Samandriel was discharged I took him, pulled Anna out of College in Jackson and drove them to Gabriel. He thought he’d disappeared once he’d left, but I’d once been asked to track him down by Lucifer… I succeeded, but told him I’d failed, kept the information to myself. I was young at the time, but I understood that Lucifer would do nothing good to my brother and I did love Gabriel very dearly, he and Balthazar were the only ones who were kind. I entrusted the twins to Gabriel and spent a large amount of my earnings to make them disappear. From then on, I never knew where they were. The burner was only for emergencies such as you witnessed, but we hadn’t had to use it yet. Half of my earnings go to my family but the most convoluted trail of bank transfers possible to prevent it being traced. I haven’t seen any of them in nearly 10 years.”

“Jesus Cas. I’m so sorry.”

“Why? You have nothing to be sorry for.” Cas asked, genuinely confused.

“I know its not my fault genius… I can be sorry anyway. I can be sorry you had to live through that, I can be sorry you don’t get to see your family and I can be sorry that this all still haunts you because it clearly does.”

Cas looked at Dean somewhat in awe. “I… Thank you Dean. I need you to understand that I trust you very greatly, I have never told anyone the full story, Benny only knows what he was there to witness. I do not give my trust easily, but you… Dean I love you, truly and I trust you not only with my lives, but the lives of my family.”

“Then that’s my privilege and I am honoured Cas.”

“I am also honoured you shared your history with me.”

“There’s just one thing I want to know Cas…”

“Anything.” Cas nodded.

“How did you even manage to get that fight Cas, the one with Michael. Anyone in their right mind would have never allowed it with the difference in weight class.”

“Crowley.”

“Crowley?” Dean growled.

“I assume you have had previous dealings.” Cas chuckled bitterly.

“You can’t fight the hellions and no have run ins with Crowley.”

“Yes, that’s true.” Cas sighed. “He was my trainer for some time, but his methods… we’re questionable at best and he barely tried to hide the fact he was practically running the Hellions out of his gym. At first, I only joined him because I thought associating with the hellions would offer me protection and rile my brothers even more. We parted on very bad terms in the end and I went to Benny. But I knew who to contact to get what I wanted. Crowley always had somewhat of an obsession with me. Benny was understandably furious when he first found out, but that all melted away once I’d won… not that I can remember it anymore.”

“That’s… Jesus Cas, I thought my life was messed up.” Dean chuckled bitterly.

“My appalling life experience does not undermine your own trauma Dean, it does not make your struggles any less.” Cas said with a worried frown.

“I know that Cas, I just, I guess it helps me understand a few things.”

“Like what?” Cas asked, genuinely intrigued.

“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but the scars…”

“If you are insinuating some are self inflicted you would be right.” Cas said bluntly which took Dean aback somewhat.

“Benny said you tried to kill yourself once…” Dean pressed gently.

Cas’ eyes narrowed. “He must have been worried to divulge that to you.” He said, trying to justify Benny’s betrayal of Cas’ confidence.

“He was, we both were… it was after the whole Alastair thing.” Dean explained.

“Ah yes, that makes sense.” Cas nodded in acceptance. “Well he would be right. It happened back when I was training under Crowley. He had an incredible way of making you feel worthless, more than I already did myself. Under his advice I practically stopped eating to stay in my weight class. I can remember just seeing my life for what is was, a lie… adored by fans, respected by my opponents and all after the things I have done, and I have done some horrible things Dean…” Cas rubbed a thin white line on his wrist absent-mindedly. Dean hadn’t noticed it before, but it was clear s day now… Dean realised Cas usually wore a band on his wrist that covered it. “It was Benny that found me actually. Saved me. He had a bone to pick with Crowley that day and found me in the locker room while he was looking for him. He took me on after that, made me stronger than I ever have been, happier than I thought I ever deserved.”

“He’s quite a guy.” Dean smiled. “You have been through a lot with him, haven’t you?”

“I keep calling Lucifer and Michael my brothers, but Benny is more my brother than they ever were.”

“Why Novak?”

“As my surname?” Dean nodded his confirmation. “Novak was my mother’s maiden name.” Cas explained. “Amelia Novak.”

“You loved her very, much didn’t you?” Dean smiled, seeing the glimmer of sad fondness in his boyfriend’s eye.

“Yes, we all did.” Cas smiled. “I don’t remember her face, or even her voice. I haven’t a photograph of her… but I remember her smell, it was lilacs and honeysuckle and I remember her kindness.”

Dean smiled.

“Do you remember your mother Dean?” Castiel asked.

“Like she never left.” Dean admitted sadly. “She made the best meatloaf.” He smiled fondly. “Always Sang ‘Hey Jude’ when I was sad and cut the crusts off my sandwiches.”

“So that’s why you don’t have hairs on your chest.” Cas said playfully.

“Shut it you. You like it like that I can tell.” Dean swatted him on the shoulder. “But Sammy was 6 months old when she died. He doesn’t remember her at all and its hard for him. He’s so like her in so many ways… he has her kindness and her brains, but he also has Dad’s temper at his worst, but I suppose we both do.”

“Wouldn’t it have been nice to just have had a normal life.” Cas sighed.

“Sometimes I wish that.” Dean nodded. “But we got dealt a rum deal, nothing to do but to make the most of it.”

“I wish I could feel the same way.” Cas sighed.

Dean’s heart pinched painfully. There were so many things he wanted to say, but he’d been there himself at points. Depression was something he was all too familiar with. “Then I’ll make it my job to show you life’s worth it.”

“Just you are enough Dean, but if you weren’t here…”

“That’s what I mean Cas. As great as I am…” Cas chuckled. “As great as I am, you are amazing Cas, if you could see what I see in you, you’d realise. So I’m going to make it my job to show you.” Dean pressed a kiss to his forehead, but Cas pulled away.

“You shouldn’t have that burden Dean. It is not down to you to fix me, I’m not worth it.”

“You couldn’t be more wrong. I’ve never met anyone more worth it and you’re not broken Cas, maybe a little bent…”

“Haha.” Cas chuckled weakly.

“Ok, puns aside, but I want to help you Cas… I meant it when I said I loved you, you are not a burden, not an obligation, you are my boyfriend and I would do anything for you.”

“Thank you, Dean, thank you.”

“Come on now, we got through this with no tears, I don’t do chick flick moments.” Dean said, voice trembling a little as Cas buried his face in Dean’s chest.

“But you do for me.” Cas mumbled.

“Yes I do.” Dean admitted with a chuckle.

“You know you said you’d do anything?” Cas asked hesitantly, sitting up again.

“Yes?” Dean asked eagerly.

“Will you go get me a burger from the roadhouse. I’m hungry.”

Dean chuckled. “I can do one better. I’ll get Ash to deliver.”

“Ash?”

“Oh, yeah, you’ve not met yet, he was off in Australia finding himself or something for a couple months. We’ll have to have another get together so you can meet.”

“That would be nice. Maybe we could have it here?” Cas proposed.

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Dean smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that was Ok? Its hard to get back into a fic after a break, and even more annoying when I have the latter chapters of this well planned, but the next 2/3 chapters are a bit vague in my head.  
> Never fear about this being left unfinished. I will never leave a story without an ending.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made you wait for it, I'm sorry. This has bene the most difficult chapter for me to write so far, just finding things to move the plot forward in the little badly planned void I've left myself. Down to 3 fics to update and deadlines are done for now, so hopefully some slightly more regular updates to come for you.

“You’re supposed to be on a taper!” Benny was angry. Benny was usually angry when it came to Cas. Cas was getting a bit sick of it.

“But I felt good this morning.” Cas protested.

“It doesn’t matter, when I coached you before did you trust me then?”

“Yes.” Cas conceded rolling his eyes.

“So, trust me now. Rest is just as important, if not more important as the training right now. You know that! So, I tell you to run 12 miles you run 12 miles, not 18. Capisce?”

“I Capisce.” Cas sighed. It was Dean that convinced Cas to ask Benny about coaching him for the marathon having seen him staggering home one morning and nearly collapsing with exhaustion one too many times. He felt bad about worrying Dean and had tried to convince his boyfriend that this was a very normal occurrence in his training, but Dean had flipped, saying that normal for Cas was goddamn abnormal for everyone else and about the worst thing for his epilepsy bar strobe lighting. Cas had pointed out that his epilepsy was not usually visually triggered, but apparently that had been beside the point. Dean was right of course, and so was Benny. He was pushing hard, maybe too hard and he knew from experience that following his own training plan was never a wise move and usually ended in injury… ok always ended in injury.

“5 miles tommorow, no more, no less then you rest on Friday.” Benny ordered.

“But…” Cas started, and Benny stared at him, cold and unyielding.

“Ok Benny. 5 miles.”

“That’s right.” Benny scoffed. “And no gym today. Go home.”

……………………………..

Cas wasn’t in the best of moods when he got home. When he felt like this training was the only way to level him, he knew it was as strong an addiction for him as smoking was to most people. One day off training and he went down, lost all motivation, felt like a failure. Even a few hours sometimes made him feel depressed and that hollow, empty void what he was left with now.

“You dobbed me in to Benny.” Cas pouted when he saw Dean around the corner from the kitchen.

“Aww, did he send you home.” Dean tutted unsympathetically.

“Yes, he did.” Cas growled.

“Cas, you could barely walk when you got home on Tuesday, I’m doing you a favour.” Dean reasoned.

“Yes, but what am I supposed do for the rest of the day?” Cas sighed.

“I don’t know.” Dean shrugged. “If I wasn’t at work I could think of a few things.” He smirked, wiggling an eyebrow and Cas scowled back at him. Dean sighed and sat down, patting the cushion next to him. “What’s wrong Cas.” He asked when the man sat down next to him. “You’ve been off these past few days and I’m worried.”

“I…” Cas started, but stopped to think. Dean was right, but he wasn’t sure why his mood had been so poor of late, he was just worried, worried about his family, about Dean, about… he sighed. “I’m worried about them Dean. About Gabriel and Zar, Anna and Samandriel.” He breathed, deciding to put his fears into words. “Since I sent them that message and they had to move I’ve been thinking about them constantly.”

“And you miss them.” Dean said, sliding an arm over Cas’ shoulder, puling him closer. Cas relaxed into Dean’s side, sighing tiredly.

“Yes, I do. It’s easier not to miss them when you haven’t needed to speak with them for years, but the other day almost reminded me that they are there, yet I cannot reach out to them, nor them me. They are family Dean, but we are cursed to be separated.”

“Is there anything we can do to change that?” Dean asked, pondering.

“I cannot protect them while my brothers live. However, much I want to bring them closer to me, it would put them in more danger.” Cas said sadly.

“We’ll find a way Cas, I promise you.” Dean said determinedly.

“Dean this isn’t your responsibility.”

“No, but I love you Cas and I want to help.” Dean said firmly. “You’re important to me and they are important to you, which by association makes them important to me too.”

“Thank you.” Cas smiled sincerely for the first time that day. “You better go before Bobby gets mad.”

Dean looked at his watch and jumped to his feet. “Yep shit, you’re right.” He squawked, but didn’t hesitate to add, “call me anytime if you’re feeling down angel.”

“I will Dean.”

“Maybe you could start planning that party?” Dean offered, rushing around searching for his keys. “It’ll give you something to do, take your mind off things. Ring round and invite people.” Dean suggested.

“Yes, that’s a good idea.” Cas smiled, standing up and joining Dean at the door. “Have a good day Dean.” He smiled, pressing a kiss to his partners lips tenderly.

Dean groaned. “If we start this I’ll never get to work.” He chuckled. “Bye Cas.”

………………………………..

Cas was nervous. Very nervous. More nervous than he had been for supermiddleweight championship final, but less nervous than he had been for his fight against Michael. Not that he could actually remember how nervous he had been for that fight, but he imagined that he had been more nervous than this. This after all was just Dean’s family, Dean’s family who he’d met most of before, Dean’s family who he loved very much, Dean’s family who he really wanted to like him because he loved Dean and…

“Cas relax.” Dean chuckled. “You look like a rabbit in the headlights, they don’t bite.” Cas sighed and tightened the Velcro on his sling for the fourth time in 15minutes.

“Stop playing with it.” Dean tutted, slapping his hand away gently as he held the door open for his boyfriend.

“Its uncomfortable and unnecessary.” Cas sighed.

“Cas,” Dean sighed. “I love you but when it comes to being a stubborn asshole, you make me look like an angel. Its only week, I’m sure you’ll survive.”

“Cas what happened!” Charlie gasped the moment the pair stepped into the roadhouse, eyes clapped on the sling. When Cas had made the calls round to invite friends and family to this little gathering, Ellen had insisted that Cas and Dean’s small bungalow was far too small to house them all and they should have it at the roadhouse. They had accepted gracefully, but now all eyes were on Cas’ arm as a hoard of concerned family descended.

“What you been doing to yourself now boy?” Bobby asked gruffly, but his eyes were worried. Everyone knew that although Bobby may be a bear of a man that, that bear was a teddy bear at heart.

“Nothing.” Cas shrugged. “It was just a surgery I’ve had scheduled for some time.” Cas said, nonchalantly

“Surgery!” Charlie exclaimed, shocked.

“It was to stabilise an old injury, it’s not of import.”

“To fix your chronic shoulder instability.” Sam said in realisation.

“Yes.” Cas confirmed.

“Chronic what now?” Jo asked, a look of confusion on her face.

“Moron dislocated his shoulder so many times, it had trouble staying in its socket.” Benny huffed. “Would pop it out every other week.”

“You boys and your boxing, I never could understand it. Destroying your bodies.” Ellen tutted. “You should have told us you had a surgery son, we’d have come given you some support.” She clucked, putting a hand on his good arm.

“Yeah, tell me about it! He didn’t even tell me.” Dean scoffed. “Just went to work one morning and when I got back, he was sat there on the couch in a sling, watching Netflix like nothing happened.” He growled. He was still mad at Cas for that. He was madder at the fact that Cas had evidently know Dean would be upset, illustrated by his choice to bring back a pie from a bakery near the hospital as a pre-emptive apology. At least the pie had been good, Dean mused.

“Well, seems like a perfect fit in this damn family.” Jo scoffed in amusement.

“It was a minor procedure.” Cas protested. “Local anaesthetic, minimal risk and recovery time. There was no need to worry anyone or for anyone to ‘look after’ me prior.”

“He means thank you.” Dean rolled his eyes. “Now come on, Sammy, help me get the projector screen in here so we can put on a movie and Benny, could you help me with the food?”

“Sure brother.”

“I can help…”

“No damn lifting Cas! God.” Dean whined incredulously.

“How did you fit a projector screen in baby?” Sam asked perplexed.

“Don’t you want to know bitch.”

“Jerk.” Sam huffed.

“I’ll just wait here then.” Cas said simply.

“No, you won’t come sit down, need someone to test a new recipe I made for the menu.” Ellen said, pulling him away gently. “And there’s a few more people you need to meet.”

…………………………………….

“So, Cas.” Jody started. “Got any family?”

The afternoon had been going wonderfully. As much as Dean loved spending time with his family, he loved seeing Cas happy spending time with them even more. After the initial drama of the sling, things had settled down. At first Dean could tell Cas had been nervous to be apart from Dean for even a second, especially since he was still embarrassed about the seizure, he’d had last time they were all together, but it didn’t take long for him to settle in. Everyone took Cas under their wing, like Dean knew they would, but the way Cas had relaxed around them was what made him really happy. In fact, Dean didn’t think he’d seen the man more comfortable or chatty around anyone, even Meg and call him a chick, but it made him feel warm inside.

But now Cas sucked a breath and Dean felt him go tense beside him. Dean quickly tightened his arm around his boyfriend supportively, looking warily into his eyes to see the pain and fear that swam there.

“Oh dear, I’m sorry did I put my foot in it?” Jody said, quickly realising the tension in the room.

“No, its ok… I…” Cas took a breath and closed his eyes to calm himself.

“Cas, you don’t have to.” Sam said reassuringly as Dean shot the room a glare to tell them all to back the hell off.

“You deserve to know the truth.” Cas said, voice deep and serious and just a little bit frightening.

“Cas…” Dean said, shocked, letting his hand squeeze Cas’ good shoulder.

“I trust your family Dean.”

“Are you sure Son?” Bobby questioned. “You’re under no obligation.”

“Yes.” Cas nodded and swallowed. “The small part of my family who I still care for are in hiding.” Cas paused as suddenly everyone shifted in their seats in shock. “Most of you know about my fight against The Archangel, what you don’t know was that he is my brother.”

“What?” Ellen asked, voice dropping.

“That means…” Sam started, putting

“That means, yes, Lucifer was also my brother and my family run the Garrison.”

There was a moment of stony silence.

“Technically half-brothers.” Dean muttered, both feeling very uncomfortable.

“Son…” Bobby started. “I don’t want this to come out wrong but…”

“You want to know if associating with me will put your family in danger.” Cas said plainly and there were a series of nods in the room. “Michael isn’t the real threat. I believe he has learnt his lesson from challenging me. Generally, my family are not interested in me personally, but my other brother, Raphael…”

“Cas breathe, I got you.” Dean whispered in his ear, just loud enough for him to hear.

“I have four siblings in hiding, even I don’t know where they are because if Raphael found them…”

“He’d kill them!” Charlie gasped quietly.

“Yes. But he’s well aware that he will never gain information on their whereabouts from me so for all intents and purposes I am safe, as are people who associate with me, but there will always be a modicum of risk.”

“It was very brave of you to share that Castiel.” Jessica spoke up for the first time.

“As I said, you deserve to know.”

“As far as I’m concerned son,” Bobby said firmly, “you’re family. Your baggage is our baggage and both these boys will tell you, whether you can look after yourself or not we protect our family till the ends of the Earth.”

“Here, here.” Ellen agreed.

“I…” Cas started, but couldn’t find the words. He looked round the room, eyes threatening to overflow, before he gave up and buried his face into the safety of Dean’s chest and felt the familiar comfort of calloused fingers moving soothingly through his hair.

“Aww, he’s adorable.” Jo keened. “Can we keep him?”

“Think we’ve already established we’re keeping him.” Ellen chuckled.

“Yep, he’s certainly a keeper.” Dean said softly and that resulted in an eruption of both groans and coos from the rest of the room, almost in a gender divide.

Cas however, still hadn’t lifted his head. “Think someone’s a bit overwhelmed. Give us a minute.” Dean smiled weakly.

“Sure hun.” Donna smiled. “I reckon its time for that movie anyway.”

………………………….

“Woahh there Cas.” Dean grunted in shock as Cas backed him against the wall the second, they were through the door and started attacking his neck with kisses. Dean barely blinked and his jacket was missing, then suddenly he was in the air and deposited on the kitchen counter.

“Cas your damn shoulder.” Dean huffed in concern, hands reaching for the still injured arm.

“I don’t need two arms to lift you, Dean.” Cas growled between breaths as he nipped along Dean’s collarbone.

“Jesus Cas.” Dean moaned, closing his eyes against the onslaught. “Not that I’m complaining, but whats brought this on?”

“You. Staring at me all day with those pretty green eyes.”

“Well you brought that on yourself, with your hair all messed up like that all the time. It’s so damn hot.”

“Hmmm.” Cas said thoughtfully, pulling away a little and letting his breath ghost along Dean’s skin and suddenly Dean wondered where his shirt had gone and why was he letting Cas get away with still having his on. The latter was quickly rectified as Dean’s hands made quick work of Cas’ button down, discarding it on the floor.

“Come on, not on the kitchen counter.” Dean broke the kiss, pushing Cas away a little before guiding him to the bedroom. The rest of their clothes disappeared somewhere on the way, but as they lay on the bed, side by side, sucking dark bruises into each other’s skin there was no further impetus.

Despite the fervour Cas had attacked him with earlier, Dean could feel that Cas was content as he was; calm and relaxed, and judging by the little breathy sound he was making, thoroughly enjoying himself. Dean had to say the feeling was reciprocated. This was nice… in a way that Dean had never had with another partner just this was enough. More than enough. Cas was more than enough. He felt the man shiver against him, from cold or pleasure he wasn’t sure. Maybe a little of both he deduced, so he pulled the covers over them as Cas continued to explore Dean’s body. He wasn’t sure how long they carried on, but over time things slowed until they fell asleep, safe, in each other’s arms.

…………………………………..

“Dean, its going to be fine.” Sam sighed, sympathetically.

“You should have let me have that drink Sammy.”

“That bad?” Sam put and hand on his brother’s shoulder, feeling the tension and the slight tremor running through his rigid muscles.

“Yep.” Dean growled, closing his eyes and taking a deep, but shaky breath.

“Dean you know….”

“If you say that its statistically the safest way to travel one more time Sammy, I swear to God…” Dean spat.

“Sorry. Sorry!” Sam grunted holding up his hands in defeat.

Dean was gripping the armrests of their tiny, packed in airplane seats like he meant to dent them. The choice of a 3-hour flight, or 1500mile drive had been a no brainer… to everyone but Dean. Cas knew Dean hated to fly, but didn’t expect him to make such a long drive. He didn’t expect any of them to come and that’s exactly why Dean had to be there.

“Dean we can still get off.” Sam reminded him.

“No.” Dean said determinedly. He wanted to be there. He was going to do this and if he backed out now there was no way on Earth he’d be able to make the drive in time. He wasn’t missing this for the world. He could do it for Cas, he could.

“Dean, if you’re going to hurl, please do it in the paper bag.”

“Fuck off Sam, if you want to help, you get me something stronger than water the moment we are in the air.”

“Done.”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we’d like to welcome you on board this spirit airlines flight NK68 from New Orleans to New York. We are currently third in line for take off and should be in the air in approximately 10 minutes, we apologise for the delay.”

“Sammy promise me if this plane starts going down, you’ll stab me before we hit the ground.”

“And what do you suppose I stab you with Dean? A plastic fork from the inflight meal?”

“You’ll figure it out.” Dean murmured.

“Dean, honestly I know this is awful for you, but its going to be fine. I promise.”

…………………………

Marathon Day.

Dean, Sam and Benny were stood against the barriers waiting at the half way marker. The New York City Marathon was in full swing and Dean was quite frankly blown away by the crowds. Cas had been running for a little over an hour now and their hire car parked a few streets away, route carefully planned to avoid the city traffic and road closures to get them to finish line once they’d seen him through. The crowds were insane, suffocating even, but Dean just felt exhilarated. Currently the slower of the professional runners were making there way past the place they were stood. Cas was lucky enough to be drawn in the first wave, but it should still be about 20 minutes before they saw him through, if not longer depending on how caught up he’d gotten with the slower runners earlier in the race.

“Pretty cool huh.” Sam said smiling widely, having to shout over the crowds around them.

“It’s insane.” Dean chuckled in reply. “You good Benny?”

“Yes, thanks brother.” Benny smiled a little, but he was more focused on the runners in front of them.

“Did you see how far the Kenyans were ahead?” Sam said, voice filled with awe.

“And you’re surprised at that Sammy? I thought you were smart.”

Sam decided not to rise to it, just rolling his eyes. “God its cold today.” Sam shivered. And he was right. November in New York was not known to be warm, but today was particularly cold. At 48 degrees most of the runners had opted for long shirts and leggings rather than shorts and vests.

“Yeah that’s what I tried to tell Cas this morning.” Dean huffed. The surprise on Cas’ face that morning had been well worth the 3 hours of stomach churning terror he’d put himself through in that tin can aeroplane to get himself here. He’d also learned that Cas was a bit of an asshole when he was nervous, but Dean could relate. He’d always got in a similar mood before a fight and they both soon found that Dean’s presence was about the only thing that could help Cas relax and keep his cool.

“Don’t tell me he’s wearing shorts.” Sam groaned.

“He loves his shorts.” Dean smirked.

“Bet you love them more brother.” Benny chuckled.

“I might.” Dean shrugged.

“Hey, is that him already?” Sam said, pointing into the distance.

“Can’t be, it’s too soon.” Benny frowned.

“How longs it been?”

“1 hour 11.”

“That’s definitely Cas.” Dean said as the man got closer and Dean could make out the features on his face.

“Jesus he’s flying!” Sam exclaimed excitedly. “Go on Cas!” He called, cupping his hands round his mouth.

“Damn idiot!” Benny growled as Cas streaked towards them.

“What?” Dean asked.

“We had a pacing strategy, he’s going too damn fast.”

“How too fast?”

“By like 4 minutes.” Benny huffed. “And even that was a tough target.”

They stopped their conversation to cheer again as Cas got close, his face a picture of focused determination, but his skin was well sheened with sweat. He looked like he was running strongly but the pain was already there evidently. Benny was right, he’d gone out too hard.

“Slow down you moron!” Benny yelled gruffly, which got a glance from Cas in their direction. Dean blew him an overexaggerated kiss which got a smile from the blue-eyed man, but Dean had no doubts Cas would continue to ignore Benny’s advice.

Dean glanced at the silver medical bracelet adorning Cas’ wrist. They’d had they’re first proper fight over getting him to wear that a week ago. Usually Dean just humoured Cas’ stubbornness, but this was one he hadn’t been willing to back down from. Cas may not have had a seizure since he’d got his meds sorted, but Dean sure as hell wasn’t going to let him run a goddamn marathon without something to inform the paramedics of his condition if something went wrong.

“Right everyone to the car! No time to lose.” Dean announced, turning to push their way back through the crowd.

“You weren’t so excited to drive that, and I quote ‘stupid, plastic, ugly heap of junk’ half an hour ago.” Sam chuckled.

“Well Sammy you have to make sacrifices for love.” Dean called back, helping drag his brother and Benny through the crowd.

“Hope you’re not going soft brother, you’re starting to sound an awful lot like those chick flicks you hate.”

“Shut up and walk faster.” Dean grumbled, while Dean and Benny shared a knowing look.

……………………………………

“Ahh where is he, I’m getting nervous.” Dean whined as he watched Benny’s stop watch anxiously. It was getting close to Cas’ target time of 2:30 and the man was nowhere in sight.

“How long as he got?” Sam asked, looking equal parts excited and nervous.

“2 minutes.”

“There’s still time.” Sam nodded. Most of the people crossing the lines at this stage were the slower pro men and the women they’d caught with the odd straggling wheelchair athlete. TV cameras and reporters were all over the place, babbling excitedly whilst interviewing athletes and spectators alike. The finish was way busier than the half way point had been, and Dean had nearly started a fight in his eagerness to get to the front. They never quite made it to the barrier, but they were second row back and easily able to see the passing runners.

“1 minute.” Benny said with sigh. Cas was nowhere in sight. “Sorry brother he’s not going to do it.”

“There’s still time.” Dean repeated his brother’s word hopefully, though he knew Benny was probably right. They could see almost 500meters down the road. Unless Cas was currently putting in a world class sprint finish, he wasn’t going to make it. Regardless Dean kept peering nervously at the runners approaching the line, searching for the black on black of Cas’ outfit.

“And 3, 2, 1, time.” Benny said with a sigh.

“Shame.” Sam nodded. “But it was one hell of an ambitious target.” He shrugged. “He’s still on for a good time.”

“He’s lost 8 minutes on his half way time already.” Benny added. “Set off way too fast.”

“It doesn’t matter its his first damn marathon and he’s still on for a sub 3 easily.” Sam countered.

“Yes, but he wanted a sub 2:30 and that means I have to listen to him whine all night.” Dean groaned.

“Yep, he’s going to be pissed.” Benny chuckled. “Wait, that him?”

Dean snapped his head round, pushing a bit further forward. “Yep that’s him!” Dean said excitedly. “What’s the time on.”

“2:31, 02, 03, 04.” Benny counted.

“Come on Cas!” Dean yelled, but as he watched the figure approaching, he could tell something was wrong. Cas was moving slowly, very slowly. His running was looking more like a jog and runner after running was coming past him.

“Ah shit, he’s bonked.” Benny sighed.

“Bonked?”

“Completely run out of energy. This is going to be the longest 200metres of his life.” Benny chuckled.

Sam and Dean kept cheering, while Benny just folded his arms and watched in amusement as Cas dragged himself forward one step at a time. Damn sadist, Dean grumbled as Cas fell into a walk with 100 metres to go. He stumbled forward disorientated, body on the verge of complete exhaustion.

“Cas! Cas!” Dean shouted, trying to snap the man out of it. Cas looked over to him bleary eyes and the woman in front of her moved out the way sympathetically to let him through. Cas saw Dean and his face dawned with a confused, but relieved recognition. He turned and started to stumble his way towards Dean at the barriers, making other runners swerve to avoid him.

“No, not to me!” Dean yelled, pointing at the finish line. “That way Cas, that way.” Cas stopped, looking confused and dizzy, he looked to the finish line then back to Dean, and then continued towards Dean. “No Cas.” Dean groaned. Cas was fading fast, and Dean made a split-second decision and jumped the barriers.

“Hey!” the second Dean’s feet touched the floor a security guard was running at him.

“Dean.” Cas panted tiredly.

“This way Cas come on. This way.” Dean coaxed, jogging backwards a few paces in front of Cas which had the desired effect of getting him to follow.

“Sir, you can’t be on this side of the barriers.” Dean felt the firm hand on his shoulder.

“Come on man, use your eyes, he needs help and I’m hardly a terrorist.”

The security guard looked at him, deliberating and then nodded. “Ok carry on.”

As Dean started moving, still trailed by the security Cas somehow found the strength to jog and follow him. Roused by Benny and Sam the crowd started chanting, at first it was disjointed but after a few seconds Dean could make out they were shouting the word ‘Cas’ over and over again.

“Come on Cas 20 metres.” Dean encouraged. Cas looked at him in betrayal, clearly wondering why he was being made to run and confused at why people seemed to be shouting his name at him. “Last bit Cas!” Cas battled on. Dean was stood just the other side of the line as Cas walked, more stumbled his last few steps, crossing the line unaided before Dean grabbed him firmly, preventing him from falling as his legs finally gave out.

“Ok Cas I got you.” Dean soothed as the crowd erupted into cheers. Dean smiled broadly, looping his arm round Cas’ shoulders and guiding (half dragging) Cas towards the barriers at the side, gently lowering him so he was sat, resting against them. Within seconds there was a medic there with some sort of energy drink and a foil blanket, wrapping it round Cas’ shoulders.

“Epileptic?” The medic asked, noticing the bracelet which made Dean smile.

“Yeah.” Dean nodded. “You with me Cas?”

“Yes, Dean I’m with you.” Cas said, clearly exhausted, but more with it than he had been.

“Need to get his sugar levels balanced and get him hydrated asap. He on medication?”

“Yes.” Dean confirmed. “Cas you need to drink this.”

“Tired.” Cas huffed, coming back to himself a bit.

“I know, but now please baby, for me?” Dean asked.

Cas took the bottle, too tired to argue, but after his first sip he seemed to realise how thirsty he was and started gulping the thing greedily.

“Easy there tiger.” Benny chuckled and Dean looked up to see Benny and Sam had made their way to the barrier and were stood directly behind them.

“Benny?” Cas grunted.

“Here Cher.”

“I’m never doing that again.” Cas groaned and Dean laughed.

“Don’t think you’ll be saying that when you hear what time you did.”

“What…” Cas started, but Benny had read his mind.

“2:32:58.”

“That’s an awesome time Cas.” Sam quickly added, but Cas’ face fell.

“Oh come on!” He groaned, burying his face in his hands.

“Serves you right for starting too fast.” Benny chuckled. Cas groaned in annoyance and thumped his head back on the barrier.

“Told you.” Dean grunted at Sam regards Cas’ indignation.

“I need to go again.” Cas grunted.

“Not right now you’re not.” Dean scoffed in amusement. “Can you get up?”

“No.” Cas grunted.

“Christ Dean, I’ve been running for 2 hours, give me a 5 minute break would you.” Cas growled.

“I know Cas, just don’t want you getting cold. Hotel’s just a few blocks down and the car’s just round the corner.” He offered.

“Ok.” Cas sighed. “Help me up.”

Cas’ legs were shaking like a leaf in a storm when they started to take his weight. Dean made sure his arm was wrapped securely round his boyfriend to stop him falling once Benny had got Cas into Sam’s warm coat.

“Ow, Ow, Ow.” Cas grunted in rhythm with each very unstable step, most of his weight leaning on Dean.

“Quit whining drama queen. You only got yourself to blame.” Dean scolded, mockingly.

“Fuck you.” Cas huffed.

“Love you too Cas.”

“Shut up.” Cas grunted, but Dean saw the small smile that crept onto his face at the words. “If you really love me, you’ll get me ice cream.” He muttered and Dean smiled broadly.

“Then ice cream it is.”

…………………………….

“When’s the next major marathon?”

“Cas…” Dean sighed.

“I could have done better. I should have done better.”

“Well, you set off in a 1:11 Cas, what did you expect.”

“I felt fine till mile 22. Then my legs just stopped working.”

“Well that’s ok, I’ll just ring the IAAF and ask them to shorten the marathon to 22miles for you.”

“Very funny Dean.”

“Cas, you got to put this in perspective. You’ve trained only like 3 months for this and you were only minutes off the elite men’s qualifying time. The elite’s Cas! These people have been running seriously all their lives, and this is your first marathon.”

“I know, but I could have done better Dean.”

“I know you could have Cas, but that’s not the point. You messed up the pacing, so what? You learned something and you won’t make the same mistake again. You still ran a marathon! And ran it friggin’ fast Cas! You’re awesome and I’m not going to let you sulk all night, you have to be happy.”

“Ok Dean.” Cas smiled weakly. “I’m sorry for being grumpy.”

“I forgive you. Now we going down to dinner with Benny and Sam, or we going to need room service?”

“I don’t think I could walk to the bathroom, yet alone the elevator.” Cas groaned.

“Room service it is.”

Dean’s phone chimed and he frowned at it in confusion.

“What’s wrong?” Cas asked, pushing himself up exhaustedly.

“Ermmm, its from Sam, he says turn on the TV.” Dean shrugged, reaching for the remote he started flicking through the channels at a loss to what he was supposed to be searching for.

From Sam: Sports channel.

Dean flicked up the guide and quickly located the sports channel, pressing enter to tune it. The screen lit up with a rolling feed of the marathon highlights from the day.

“The New York city Marathon was run today by a record number of entrants to fantastic crowds, but the elite Men’s race was an all African affair, with a Kenyan 1,2,3 and the African nations taking 8 of the top 10 placings. The Winner was Lucas Rotich in a time of 2:05:53, with the first American finisher in Ben Payne in a brilliant 9th with a time of 2:15:46.”

The footage then changed from a view of the podium to a shot of the finish line.

“But the surprise of the day came in the form of Castiel Novak. The marathon first timer and former world boxing champion ran a time of 2:32:56, to finish in the top 50, despite not starting with the Elite. It was evident ‘The Angel’ who retired from professional boxing in 2012 did not find it all to be a walk in the park as this video of his finish, which went viral earlier today, shows.”

The footage froze to highlight Castiel with a yellow circle, before resuming to show the full video of his stumble to the line.

“As you can see, Novak seemed to ‘run out of gas’ a short distance from the finish line, becoming disoriented and was coaxed to the line by a friend before collapsing in exhaustion.”

“A friend.” Dean scoffed. “Do your research lady.” He mumbled indignantly as the camera shot zoomed in on Castiel’s exhausted face as he lay against the barrier. Cas’ eyes were closed, his mouth open gasping for air and his face wearing an exhausted grimace, while Dean and a medic crouched next to him.

“That gutsy performance from the ex-champion has people wondering if this could be the start of a career change that will see him running in the elite ranks in years to come.”

“Hear that Cas you’ve gone viral.” Dean smirked in amusement, but his chest was swollen with the warm feeling of pride. But not answer came from the raven-haired man. Dean turned to see why, only to discover Cas was fast asleep, propped awkwardly against the pillows.

……………………………….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed and I've not lost my followers from this sporadic update schedule. Please let me know what you think if you have a spare second.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should have probably updated my other stories first but hell I was on a roll and this chapter was ready, but I really must go back to the other fics for the next update or my readers will lynch me.

Dean woke up to his phone ringing. He groaned in frustration, hoping Cas would pick it up, after all he was the morning person… well, to a certain extent at least, but he soon became aware that the other side of the bed was cold and empty. He sighed, shaking away the sleep and batting his hand along the surface of the night stand until it came to rest on the infernal buzzing object.

“Hello Dean. Sorry to wake you.”

“Cas?” Dean sat up, confused, why was Cas on the phone? “Where the hell are you? It’s 6am!”

“Somewhere near Belle Chasse I think.” The voice sounded tired and frustrated, a tone which had Dean taking notice. There was a rushing sound on the other end of the line that made it difficult to hear what Cas was saying.

“Are you ok, what the hell are you doing out there?” He asked, urgently, gut twisting in worry.

“I was on a run.” Cas said, as if that answered everything.

“Cas that’s 10miles away! You’re supposed to be taking it easy.” It had taken a good week before Cas had been able to walk properly after the marathon. He’d gained himself some badly strained hamstrings as well a quad tear as a reward for his over-eager start and stubbornness in refusing to quit, but within fortnight he had set his sights on Boston in April to break his all-important 2:30 barrier.

“I’m sticking to plan Dean, I promise, I was on my way back…” Cas said hesitantly, now sounding a little miserable.

“What happened?” Dean asked, worry bleeding into his tone.

“I rolled my ankle in a pothole. I mean, if you’re busy I could probably get back, it’s just going to take a while…”

“Jesus Cas! Of course, I’ll come get you, you idiot. Hang tight I’ll be about 15mins. What road you on? LA-23?”

“Yes.”

“Belle Chasse did you say?

“Yes.”

“Great I’m getting in the car, be with you asap.”

“Don’t get a ticket.”

“Don’t get a… for God’s sake Cas all the cops will still be asleep.” Dean grumbled. “Which is what we should be,” he added, but not until after he’d hung up.

…………………………………..

Dean swore as he scoured the side of the road for any sign of his boyfriend. He’d realised when he’d stepped out the door that the rain was bouncing down outside so hard that the drains were threatening to overflow, that had been the strange noise over the phone. “Damn it.” Dean growled as he peered through the sheet of rain. He was now about a mile past belle chasse and still hadn’t found Cas. It had been over 20minutes, he’d not been able to drive as fast as he would have liked with the high risk of hydroplaning.

Finally, he saw him. Cas sat at the side of the road 20metres ahead, staring blankly at the asphalt as if he were completely indifferent or oblivious to the weather. He grunted in annoyance at the way he seemed to have made no attempt to find shelter, but then looking around he realised, there really was nowhere for him to escape from the rain. The place was barren, on the flood plain of the Mississippi, nothing but street lights, small bushes and a train track lining the side of the road.

“Cas!” Dean called out the window as he hastily pulled over, jumping out of the driver’s seat.

“Hello Dean.” Cas said with a small smile.

“You ok?” Dean asked, kneeling down beside him, immediately looking him up and down.

“I’m wet.” Cas grumbled miserably, trying to wipe the water out of his eyes in vain.

“No shit.” Dean scolded. Cas was soaked to the bone and wearing only a thin running vest and shorts. Water ran in rivers down his face dripping from his sodden hair and his skin was icy to the touch. He wasn’t shivering, but Dean had a hunch that wasn’t a good thing. He needed to get him warm and quickly. Dean gently ran his hand over the purple, slightly swollen area around Cas’ ankle. The man closed his eyes for a second, biting back the pain, but otherwise remained silent. But Dean knew Cas well enough to know it was bad.

“God Cas.” Dean hissed.

“I don’t think it’s broken.” Cas offered.

“Let’s get you in the car before you catch your death.” Dean manoeuvred Cas’ arm over his shoulder, but instead of moving to help Cas stand he threaded his other arm under the back of Cas’ knees.

“What are you doing?” Cas asked.

“Well, call me stupid, but ankle or not, I don’t think you’re in any fit state to be standing, are you?”

“I…” Cas started, but Dean gave him a disapproving look.

“Be honest.” Dean demanded.

“No, I’m not.” Cas said, looking down, teeth chattering against his will.

“There we go.” Dean said, straining as he started to take Cas’ weight.

“Please don’t hurt yourself.” Cas said tiredly as Dean struggled to his feet.

“God I shouldn’t have taken you to the roadhouse so much. Heavy bastard.” Dean chuckled.

Cas gave him a gentle thwack on the head, and then rested his face into Dean’s shoulder, exhausted. “Thank you, Dean.” He mumbled.

“It’s ok Cas, let’s get you home.”

……………………………………..

By the time they did get back, Castiel was shivering violently as his body desperately tried to warm itself. The blankets Dean had bundled him in when they’d made it to baby hadn’t been enough and now they too were damp and cold. They discarded them at the door and Dean helped Cas hobble his way to the bathroom and lowered him down to sit on the toilet seat.

“I’m going to wrap your ankle and then we’ll get you in the shower and warm. Cas just nodded tiredly, then yelped loudly as Dean gently pried off his shoe. “Sorry, had to be done.”

“It’s fine.” Cas offered him a weak smile. “Just caught me by surprise.” Dean nodded in response and found himself a bandage from the cabinet under the sink. His first aid kit was well stocked, a remnant of both his past life and his boxing career. He wrapped it expertly and made mental note he’d have to restock.

“I’ll put a dry one afterwards.” Dean told him, knowing it would get soaked in the shower, he just wanted Cas to have some stability until then.

“Its ok Dean, I can do it.” Cas shivered.

“Sure you can tough guy, but you don’t have to.” Dean smiled weakly, moving to turn on the water and let it warm through. “Let me look after you for a change.” He put his hand under the stream to check the temperature, he would have to start it quite cold; although Cas was desperate to get warm, hot water on cold skin would give him chill blains and painful ones. “Take it easy with the temperature, up it a bit at a time.” He instructs.

“Thank you, Dean, Cas said tiredly, but with a genuine smile as he tugged at his other sick awkwardly with numb fingers.

“You ok?” Dean asked, moving towards the door, ready to give Cas some privacy, but Cs voice called him back.

“Dean…”

“Yeah?”

“Could you…” Cas started uncertainly, then turned his head to stare at the floor.

“What is it Cas?” Dean asked gently.

“You’re cold too... and I think I need help standing.” He admitted hesitantly.

“You’re ok with that?” Dean checked, heart beating heavily inside his chest.

“Yes Dean.” Cas said with a small smile, moving to stand up but Dean closed the space between them. As cold as they were, Dean made quick work of getting Cas out of his sodden clothes whilst the shivering man returned the favour. It wasn’t as romantic as Dean wanted to be, as he discarded his freezing, soaked boxers on the pile with the rest of their clothes and wrapped his arm around Cas’ back to hold him steady as he limped towards the shower door. He did one last check of the water and shivered at its coldness but feeling the icy chill of Cas’ skin against his own he knew any warmer and Cas would be itching for days.

Cas huffed and flinched when they first stepped under the cold spray, but otherwise didn’t complain. He knew the drill and instead rested his weight into Dean in search of heat, the skin of their torsos flushed together in a way that made Dean’s chest feel warm inside. He let his hands wander, at first down Cas’s strong arms, then his sides and back, kneading the muscles in his shoulders which were rigid from the cold. Little by little the man relaxed into him and Dean turned the temperature control up every few minutes until steam filled the bathroom and Cas stopped shivering.

And then Dean was shivering for a whole different reason. Cas’ lips met his hungrily as he was pressed gently back into the tiles and felt the hot poke of Cas’ cock against his thigh. Dean himself had been semi hard almost from the second he’d started exploring Cas’ body, but he knew Cas wanted to take it slow and this… was a big step. He’d been trying to hide his own erection from his partner, not wanting to make him feel pressured, but it seemed Cas was perfectly capable of showing Dean what he wanted. Dean gasped as Cas’ hand wrapped around his member and started pumping, slowly, gently, just the way he would himself and he moaned as he felt Cas’ teeth tease the base of his neck. It didn’t take long for Dean’s hand to return the favour and the second Dean’s thumb teased his slit, Cas melted into him, stumbling a little as he remember his injured ankle.

“Steady Angel.” Dean hushed. “I’ve got you.”

Cas moaned as his hand was brushed away by Dean and replaced it with his own, gripping them both together and resuming the movement. Cas gasped, leaning into his boyfriend, hands digging into Deans shoulders while he peppered kisses along those strong freckled shoulders. All the while the pressure lo in his belly grew and grew, until it stated to burn in the most incredible way and his breathing became shallow and desperate.

“Dean… stop.” He panted out, desperately and Dean stilled instantly.

“What’s wrong.” Green eyes were suddenly filled with concern, but Cas silenced the doubt with a fierce kiss, which left Dean with a look of confusion set on his flushed face.

“If you carry on, I’m not going to last.” Cas breathed, his face hovering only inches from his lover’s as the warm water ran from their skin.

“So?” Dean teased, with a wry smile and a flick of his eyebrow.

“I want more Dean.” Cas breathed. “I want you.” He whispered, huskily into Dean’s neck.

Dean couldn’t help the moan that escaped his lips. Cas’ voice, all gravel and deep tones would surely kill him one day. “Cas… you sure.” Dean asked, breathing heavily, mind overwhelmed with lust.

“Yes Dean, very sure.”

Without hesitation Dean turned off the water and Cas whined at the loss of warmth, but his shivers were certainly those of pleasure and not of cold.

“It’s our first time, we’re doing it in the bed, not the shower.” Dean wrapped a towel round Cas’ shoulders and kissed him again more gently. He took his time towelling Cas off, worshipping every inch of his body as he rested on the toilet seat, keeping his ankle off the floor, so much so that by the time he was finished Dean was dry himself.

The next thing Cas knew he was in Dean’s arms, legs wrapped around Dean’s waist, his hands gripping firmly into the meat of his thighs as his own arms grasped Dean’s shoulder’s tightly.

“I can walk Dean.” Cas mumbled the half-hearted protest, all the while worshipping the line of Dean’s jaw.

“I don’t care.” Dean chuckled, pecking Cas on the nose as he lowered the raven-haired man into the softness of the bedclothes. He looked down at Cas, pupils blown, hair damp and ruffled, lips red from their heated kisses, but most importantly he saw those dazzling eyes looking up at him, a mixture of lust and trepidation, and of trust. Dean wasn’t going to break that trust. Not ever.

“You’re beautiful Cas.” Dean breathed, trailing the back of his hand along the toned muscle of Cas’ stomach.

“Dean…” Cas breathed and Dean shushed him gently, with a smile. His lips travelled down, kissing each of the scars on Cas’ torso in turn.

“All of you Cas.” Dean promised. “Every inch.” He came back to meet the mans’ lips allowing his teeth to tease Cas’ top lip. “You’re perfect.

Cas whined, fisting his hand into Dean’s hair and tugging. “I need you Dean, I need…”

“What do you want Cas? Tell me, anything.” Dean promised.

“Need you inside me Dean, please.” Cas begged, hips stuttering upwards in search of his lover’s.

“Gonna take real good care of you Angel.” Dean promised. And he was; going to take Cas apart piece by piece, all so he could put him back together. It was Cas’ first time, and Dean be dammed if it wasn’t going to be the best first time in the history of first times.

…………………………

“Are you two seriously still in bed!” Dean was startled awake by the sound of his bedroom door being thrown open and a large moose trampling gracelessly into the room.

“Shouldn’t you be at work Sammy.” Dean groaned, trying to sound unalarmed as he rolled over, dragging the duvet with him to make sure he and Cas were fully covered. He watched as Cas’ nose wrinkled in his sleep, clearly disgruntled by the sudden ruckus, but he didn’t wake. As Dean brushed against him in his new position, Cas’s face soon found the crook of Dean’s neck and snuggled in, a contented smile gracing his features as he settled. Dean smiled down a him fondly, a warm happy feeling rolling around his chest. God he was beautiful.

“No, but you should.” Sam carried on oblivious, seemingly having not even noticed there was more than just Dean in the room. “Bobby rang me when he couldn’t get hold of either of you.”

Dean sat up sharply and Cas made a noise of disproval. Sam frowned and then gawped as he saw the mess of black hair. “Shit! What time is it?” Dean exclaimed.

“Erm…” Sam started, at a loss, then regained his composure. “11:30. And you owe me $15 dollars in gas for driving my worried ass out here!” He tried to sound angry, but the shock bled through regardless.

“Ok, I’ll buy you breakfast at the roadhouse…” Dean offered.

“Lunch Dean. Breakfast was hours ago.” Sam reminded.

“Whatever, just, will you let me get up so I can get to work?” Dean asked, exasperated.

“I’m not stopping you, you lazy jerk.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I mean get out Sam! Unless you want to cop an eyeful!” He gestured.

“Oh…” Sam awkwardly. “Oh!”

“Yes oh! Go wait in the living room.” Dean yelled. “Jesus.”

“Dean, why is Sam in our bedroom?” Cas asked voice deep and rumbling with sleep, and both pairs of eyes turned to him.

“Sam was just leaving.” Dean said pointedly.

“Yes, yes I was. Ermm... Morning Cas.” Sam added, before shuffling awkwardly out of the room.

“Everything ok?” Cas asked, nuzzling back towards Dean and his warmth, already close to dozing back off.

“Yeah, well, no I suppose. Apparently, we overslept and I’m very, very late for work.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be it was worth it.” Dean said giddily, a broad smile on his face. “More than worth it.” He said, more sincerely.

“Yes, it was.” Cas growled, sealing his mouth around Dean’s. Dean moaned in surprise, kissing back eagerly as Cas’ hands wandered until one wrapped around his morning semi, sending a jolt of pleasure up his spine.

“Oh Cas!” Dean yelped as Cas shuffled closer.

“I’m still here and you have thin walls!” Sam yelled, mortified. Dean started and Cas chuckled deeply.

“But seriously? Last night…”

“Was the best night of my life Dean, how many times do I have to tell you?” Cas chuckled, with a fond smile. Dean pressed a kiss to the end of Cas’ nose and ruffled his hair lovingly. Cas rolled his eyes at the freckled man. “You’re adorable.”

“Yes, I am.” Dean agreed, which earned him a gentle elbow to the ribs. “How’s your ankle?” Dean chuckled, finally, albeit reluctantly, moving to get out of bed. He’d been mindful to be careful with it during their… activities earlier, but he was still worried they’d made it worse.

“I think it could use some ice.” Cas hissed as he tried to move it under the sheets.

“Yeah, I’ll sort that for you.” Dean said, a little despondently.

“I’m fine Dean, it wasn’t you.” Cas reassured. “It was always going to feel worse after a shower.”

“I know you’re fine Cas, but doesn’t mean I can’t worry, you scared me half to death this morning.”

“I’m really sorry Dean.” Cas sighed.

“It’s ok.” Dean leant down, now fully dressed and pressed a kiss to Cas’ forehead. “Now, I’m going to go see Sam and get you that ice and then I’m going to have to kiss Bobby’s feet for being so late.” He groaned.

Dean hurriedly got dressed and shuffled into the living room, frantically looking for his keys and reaching for his boots.

“Eughh.” He groaned as he put his foot into his shoe and it squelched, cold water soaking into his, until that moment, clean sock.

“Dean… Why are your shoes wet?” Sam frowned.

“Long story…” Dean huffed. “Cas went out for a run at stupid o’clock, rang me at like, 6am. He’d rolled his ankle, couldn’t get home.”

“Man, he ok?” Sam asked, concern written in his features.

“He’ll be fine. Rain was bouncing down at Belle Chasse though, so he was soaked though. Don’t think his ankle’s broken, but fat chance I’ll be able to get him to the hospital to check.” Dean grumbled.

“So, you finally found someone as stubborn as you hey?” Sam smirked.

“Shut up sasquatch.” Dean grumbled as he routed through the freezer for a bag of frozen peas.

“Dean.” Sam said firmly, and Dean looked up to see his brother smiling. “I’m really happy for you.”

“Sam…” Dean whined.

“No Dean, I mean it. I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time and Cas… He’s a really good guy.”

“I don’t deserve him.” Dean sighed happily, eyes drifting back the bedroom door which was hiding him from Cas.

“Yes, you do Dean. You’ve always deserved better than you’ve settled for. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be with someone who’s not going to hurt you, because I never want to see you hurt again Dean.”

“Sammy I… I am happy.” He conceded. “Cas he’s just so… He understands me in a way no one ever has, what we’ve both been through…” Dean stopped. “We both know words ain’t my thing Sammy.”

“You don’t have to explain Dean, I can see it.” Sam smiled.

Their moment was interrupted as Cas hobbled into the room, using the baseball bat Dean kept in his room as a crutch to hold the majority of his weight. He was wearing a pair of Dean’s sweatpants, presumably as they were baggier and would have slipped over his ankle easier.

“How are you Sam, and how is Jessica?” Cas asked with a yawn, face a little pale and eyes still hooded with sleep.

“We’re good Cas.” Sam smiled.

“Cas, I told you to stay in bed.” Dean grumbled.

“And you’re not the boss of me.” Cas shrugged, petulantly, making Sam chuckle.

“Just as stubborn as you.” He muttered smiling to himself and shaking his head as Dean rushed over to Cas to try and help him, but Cas swatted him off.

“You need to get to work Dean. Stop fussing.”

Dean huffed but handed Cas the bag of peas he retrieved from the freezer.

“On a scale… how mad was Bobby when he rang?” Dean asked as he pulled on his jacket.

“Actually, he was more worried, but I’m guessing he’ll be pissed when you get there.”

“Great.” Dean huffed, finally grabbing his keys. “Stay off that foot!” Dean ordered to the man on the sofa, but Cas had his eyes closed.

Sam moved a little closer brow furrowed, putting a hand on Cas’ shoulder. Cas took a breath and looked up tiredly. “You ok Cas, you look a bit peaky.” Sam asked.

Dean was by their side before Sam had even finished speaking, slapping a hand to Cas’ forehead.

“Back to bed.” Dean’s face clouded over sternly.

“Why?” Cas huffed.

“You’re sick.”

“Am not.”

“Are too Mr., and regardless you need to rest that ankle.” Dean stood there looking torn. “I’m not leaving you if you’re sick.” He sighed.

“Dean I’m not a child, go to work. A cold isn’t going to kill me.”

“Cas…”

“I promise I’ll take it easy Dean.” He said sincerely. “Now go before Bobby kicks your ass into next week.” Cas chuckled.

“He’s going to do that anyway.” Dean rolled his eyes, moving towards the door

“Oh, and Cas, can I borrow your boots, mine are soaked and I only have one pair.”

“Of course, Dean.” Cas smiled.

Dean looked over at Cas as he tied up the laces on Cas’ boots, there was worry etched on his face and Sam had to admit Cas was looking rather pale.

“Coming Sammy?” Dean asked, one hand on the door knob.

“What, you think I’m going to talk down Bobby for you.” He snickered. “Nah, I’ll hang out with Cas if he doesn’t mind?”

Cas smiled. “I would like that Sam, though I’m not sure I’ll be the best company.”

“That’s ok. I could do with a chilled-out day. It’s been a mad week.” Sam smiled, settling on the couch.

“Betrayed by my own brother.” Dean rolled his eyes. “Take it easy Cas, I’ll be back at lunch.”

“I doubt it.” Cas scoffed. “Lunch has technically already started.”

“Shit. Yeah.” Dean swiftly opened the door, turning just long enough to mouth some words at his brother. ‘Thank you, Sammy.’

Sam nodded in a way that said. ‘Don’t worry I’ll look after him.’

………………………….

Dean shivered as he wrapped his jacket round him more tightly and wiped away the sweat that was running down his forehead. He leant heavily on the hood of the car he was working on and sighed, taking a moment. God, he felt like shit, still he’d be able to go home in an hour or so. Sam had texted him a little after 2 saying Cas was perking up a bit after having something to eat. Sam had taken him to the roadhouse; Dean had to say he was jealous, he’d missed breakfast himself and hadn’t had time to pack a lunch. Thankfully he’d scrounged half a sandwich off a co-worker, but in the end, he hadn’t eaten it. His stomach had just felt a bit screwy. Now it was turning over inside him on the regular.

“Dean!” Bobby’s voice snapped him out of his trance and had him turning to the older an

“Sorry Bobby, promise I’m nearly done.” Dean sniffed and choked back a poorly disguised cough.

“Go home boy.” Bobby tutted.

“What?” Dean asked confused.

“You look like shit, go home to your boyfriend, I’ll manage.”

“Bobby I’m fine.”

“Horse shit. You’re sick as a dog, now get out of here you Idjit.”

“Yeah.” Dean conceded. “Sure, thanks Bobby.”

………………………………………

By the time Dean traipsed in the door, he really did feel like shit. He made a beeline straight for the couch and collapsed into it with a groan, letting his eyes flicker closed. He must have dozed off because next time he opened his eyes it was dark, but there was no noise in the house. He glanced towards the bedroom. The door was open, but no sign of Cas.

“Cas? Sammy?” Dean called out, then regretted it as he dissolved into a coughing fit. Groaning as he got his breath back, he reached into his pocket for his phone.

To Sam: Have you kidnapped my boyfriend?

To Cas: Where you at? How you feeling?

Dean never heard he reply. He must have drifted off again, because the next thing he knew there was the sound of a key in the lock and the door creaked open to reveal his brothers face with Cas just behind him.

“About damn time, where you been?” Dean grumbled. Then he heard a faint clicking which raised his interest and he looked to see Cas. “Crutches?” Dean sat up, confusion on his face.

“I took him to the hospital.” Sam explained.

“Shit, is it broken?” Dean asked worriedly.

“No just sprained.” Cas clarified.

“That’s good.” Dean sighed in relief. “You look better as well.” He was right, Cas had a lot more colour in his cheeks, but he still wiped at his nose every so often as if he were bunged up.

“I feel better.” Cas said, then frowned at Dean. “But you don’t look so good. Are you sick?”

“Yeah, you caught me.” Dean huffed. “Guess standing out in the rain isn’t a good idea after all. Bobby sent me home.”

“Have you eaten today?” Suddenly Cas had materialised by his side and was placing a hand on Dean’s forehead, looking him up and down concernedly.

“No, wasn’t hungry.”

“You need to eat.” Cas said firmly.

“I really couldn’t.” Dean groaned.

Cas shook his head. “Bed for you and soup.” He ordered.

“Tomato rice?” Dean perked up hopefully.

“Its what Mum used to make for him when he was sick, and what he used to make for me when I was sick. I’ll go pick up the ingredients and then I really have to get back.” Sam explained.

“Some Tylenol may be advisable to.” Cas requested. “I think you’re getting a fever.”

“Ok Dr. Cas.” Sam chuckled. “I can see you’re going to go be in good hands.”

“Looks like its my turn to look after you.” Cas smirked to Dean.

“You’re sick too Cas.” Dean protested.

“Nothing more than a mild head cold I promise. Most of what was ailing me was low blood sugar it seems. Ellen was more than happy to rectify that. I even brought you back some pie”

“I knew I loved you.” Dean smiled and then broke into another fit of rattling coughs. “How long will you be needing those crutches?”

“It isn’t a bad sprain. The crutches will out with the garbage by the end of the week.”

“Oh they will, will they?” Dean scoffed.

“Yes. I will be more than ready for Boston.” Cas said, carding his fingers through Dean’s hair.

“Goddamn it Cas.”

“You’re just mad you’ll have to get on a plane again.”

“Are you trying to make me throw up? Mentioning flying when I’m ill! You’re a rubbish boyfriend.” Dean pouted.

“Well if I’m such a rubbish boyfriend I suppose I’ll just leave you here without any soup and go to eat that pie I brought back from the diner in bed.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” Dean gasped.

“I thought you couldn’t possibly eat anything?”

“Pie is always the exception man!”

“Is it really?” Cas asked, eyebrow raised playfully.

“Yes.” Dean pouted adamantly. “Cas angel, I love you and all, but you keep threatening to mess with my pie and we’re going to have issues.”

“So, pie comes before boyfriends. I’ll bear that in mind.” Cas rolled his eyes, pushing his way off the sofa and moving into the kitchen.

“No, its Baby first, then pie, then boyfriends.”

“Oh, I see how it is.” Cas sighed, waiting for the kettle to boil.

“What you doing?” Dean asked, craning his head over the back of the sofa to try see what his boyfriend was up to.

“Making you some Honey and lemon so we can go to bed for the rest of the day, watch Netflix, rest my ankle and get you better.”

“Netflix and chill?”

“As much as I like the sound of that, I don’t think either of us are quite up for that right now.” Cas chuckled.

“You’re right.” Dean huffed, feeling decidedly worse now Cas’ closeness wasn’t distracting him from the rolling nausea. “Rain check?” He asked hopefully.

“Definitely rain check.” Cas smiled kissing Dean on the top of his head. “Bed.” He ordered and Dean groaned.

“I don’t really think getting up sounds like fun right now.” He whined. The suddenly, he felt himself being scooped up, held to Castiel’s chest as the man lifted him, bridal style and made jerkily for the bedroom.

“Cas your ankle!” Dean squawked in a concerned protest.

“It’s fine.” Cas grunted as he hopped his way to the bedroom, bad foot never touching the floor to shield his injury. Quite how Cas was managing it with his heavy ass in his arms, Dean wasn’t sure, his expression must have said as much because Cas added, “another benefit of jump rope Dean.” Cas informed him.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Show off.” He scoffed. “And I call bullshit on that, no way jumping over a piece of string on repeat can help you with that.”

“I told you Dean, it’s a boxers gold card.” Cas grunted, awkwardly setting Dean down on the bed. “I’ll wait for Sam to get back, make you some soup then come and join you. Get some rest, you look like hell.”

“Love you Cas.”

“I love you too Dean.”

………………..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry the updates are so low. Juggling Uni and family issues and writing isn't the easiest thing to do, but I enjoy it so will get the updates out as often as I can.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are about to get... juicy.

Cas hadn’t been in the ring for ages. Hell, he hadn’t stepped foot in the gym in a fortnight and the strange thing about it was that he didn’t mind at all. The more time he spent away from the sport that had consumed his life for the past 20 years, the more he realised that maybe he’d never really loved the boxing part of it in the first place. With his seizures under control the impetus had kind of gone out of being in the gym and it wasn’t like he’d stopped training, but the running filled the gap boxing had left in his life and the only reason he found himself at Benny’s nowadays was to spend even more time with Dean.

And there was that…

“Long time no see Cher.” Benny had said, with raised eyebrow, when he and Dean had entered the gym early Friday morning. At the time, Cas almost felt the need to justify his absence. He’d been training here every day for the past 7 years, rarely taking a day off and usually only when forced to do so by Benny… but the Cajun didn’t seem mad, more intrigued but the change in routine.

Dean was still keen to train, but not so much to fight. Every time Dean did step into the ring for a sparring match, Cas could tell he was using it to test himself and to gauge his improvement. There was none of the blood-thirsty drive in him you usually saw in fighters, that prickling under the skin when you’re itching for a fight, the way he fought was almost clinical his time in the ring used as a tool rather than a feat of passion.

Cas realised that he hadn’t really sparred with anyone else since he’d met Dean, maybe had the odd play fight with Meg, which usually involved blatant disregard for the rules and ended up with them tangled on the floor laughing so hard it hurt with Dean and or Benny watching on in amusement. It was moments like these that had Cas questioning why he’d even kept going after the head injury ended his career. Was it because it was all he knew, because he needed to stay strong to stay safe? It had been a point of deep consideration for him of late, asking himself what had changed and it always came back to the same answer. Dean.

Before Dean, he’d really not had anything to live for. He was staying alive because his family may one day need him, but other than that, deep down, he just didn’t care if one day he’d got hit in the head by accident and that was it for him, lights out for good. Now things were different. His life was finally stable and one little accident could throw away what he’d waited so long to have, it wasn’t worth the risk anymore. Dean made his life worth living.

Which is why the past 5 days had been so vexing.

He’d spent 2 hours lifting weights and spotting for Dean, catching up with Meg and Benny. It had been nice, but unusually, after Dean had left for work, he didn’t go home with him, but lingered. By the early afternoon he was still absent-mindedly pounding into a bag in the back gym where it was quiet and private, wondering about what the hell had happened this morning.

Things between he and Dean had been good for a few weeks now, better than good, brilliant, amazing, even; but not this week. Since Monday Dean had been… different. He’d slunk away from Cas’ affections to the point of almost avoiding and ignoring him. He’d even snapped at him a few times, just for little things really… but it made him worried. He’d tried to pass it off at first, not take it to heart. Maybe Dean was having a bad week, something going on at work even. But as the days rolled by, Cas had not so subtly hinted to his partner that he was happy to listen if there was anything wrong, but Dean hadn’t taken the bait. It was making Cas wonder if the problem wasn’t one Dean had with something, rather a problem he had with _him._

“You ok Clarence.” Meg asked, snapping Castiel away from his trail of thought. He paused a moment looking away from the black leather and to her face, where genuine concern painted her usually stoic features. “You got that constipated puppy dog look you get when you’re thinking over hard ‘bout something.” She prompted. “Think that bag is wondering what it is too.” She smirked a little, playfully.

“Just Dean.” Was all he offered her, and she frowned.

“You two have your first tiff?” Meg asked, arms now folded as Cas lay into the bag once again.

“I… I think we did, but I don’t know what I did.” He sighed.

“You think?” Meg scoffed. “You either had a fight or you didn’t Clarence.”

“It wasn’t a fight exactly.” He sighed, finishing the bag off with an angry kick and skulking towards the bench. “Its just been little things this past week… I think…” he paused, “I think he’s going to end it with me.” He said finally, shoulders sinking as he realised the implications of his words.

“What, why?” Meg scoffed.

“That’s just it, I don’t know what I did, but I must have done something. This whole week he’s just been distant. Like he doesn’t want to be anywhere near me.” He sighed as Meg sat next to him, slinking her arm across his shoulders supportively. “Everything I do is wrong. Just this morning I mean, when the alarm went off and I just asked if we could have 5 more minutes you know? He snapped at me saying ‘this it was my damn idea to work out together at stupid o’clock in the first place, so I should damn well get my ass out of bed and stop complaining.’” Cas shrugged and Meg frowned. “Then, after insisting I have breakfast, he got pissy with me for making us late and had a go at me for not putting the milk straight back in the fridge the second I’d used it.”

“Has this been happening often?”

“I mean not until this week, but since Monday yeah, little things, every day; it’s like I’ve done something and he’s mad at me, but I have no idea why, or what I’ve done.” Cas was looking fully despondent now, which only made Meg’s frown deepen. She didn’t like the sound of this at all.

“I’m pretty sure this isn’t you Clarence.” She grunted. “But you’ve got to challenge him on this, its not ok he’s treating you like that; you shouldn’t put up with it.” She said, sternly.

“Its not like that Meg,” he contradicted, “I’m not perfect, I know that. I have a lot of annoying habits and…”

“No, you stop right there. This is what I’m talking about! You can’t let him get to you like this, whatever this is Clarence, it’s his problem not yours and taking it out on you isn’t fair, ok? It’s not ok for him to make you feel like this!” She barked, jabbing him in the chest with her finger.

Big blue eyes filled her vision, searching her face for sincerity. “Never knew you cared Meg.” He smirked.

“Shut up you idiot, you always knew.”

“Yes, I did. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologising for things that aren’t your fault Castiel. Stand up to your boyfriend and find out what his problem is, then fix it.”

“And if he won’t tell me… what if it’s me, if I’m the problem…” He stuttered, getting more and more anxious with each word that left his mouth.

“Then you dump his ass Clarence, cos you deserve better than that kind of bullshit.” She growled and Cas looked defeated. “But for what it’s worth I don’t think that’s it. That boy’s smitten with you, even if he an emotionally constipated asshole.”

“Meg!” he scolded lightly.

“You know I’m right. Have some self respect for once in your life.”

“Thanks.” He scoffed, not sure whether he should be insulted by, or grateful for Meg’s idea of advice.

……………………………

“Are you still here?” Benny scoffed in surprise as he rounded into the back of the gym late into the day.

“Apparently.” Cas huffed, picking at the stitching on his trainers as if it would take his mind of the thoughts running around his head.

“Haven’t seen you go at it like this in a long time, what’s going on in that head of yours?”

Cas had already gone into this once today with Meg and since then all he’d managed to do was stew on the situation for the past 3 hours and convince himself that when he had the conversation with Dean tonight that his boyfriend was going to dump his sorry ass, he didn’t want to get back into this with Benny. He just wanted to be left alone.

“Nothing much.” Cas shrugged. “Dean text and said he wanted to spar this evening after work, and I couldn’t be bothered to go home, just to come back again.” That, at least, was partially true.

“Meg said there’s trouble in paradise?” Benny asked, deciding to get to the point.

“It’s fine Benny.” Cas said, dismissively.

The man hummed tutted disappointedly. “If you say so.” He shook his head and finally left Cas alone like he so clearly wanted.

It was around half an hour later when Dean turned up.

“You ready?” He asked, without a smile or even a hello and Cas felt his frown deepen. Something was wrong. Well, even more wrong that it had been earlier any way. Dean was coiled tighter than a spring, radiating prickling energy and aggression. He was ‘jonesing’ for a fight, wasting no time getting into gloves and headguard, leaving Cas rushing to keep up. He had to say, he wasn’t quite comfortable facing Dean like this, but his boyfriend clearly needed something to take his aggression out on and that was his job today, clearly. Yes, Dean needed this, he’d get whatever was in his system out in the ring and things would be easier tonight.

The second Benny signalled the start of the match Dean was on him in a flurry of fists. Cas kept his guard up, dodging a few blows, but generally taking the hits, letting Dean work out his rage, but as the first few blows landed Cas quickly realised Dean wasn’t holding anything back. Within half a minute Cas was strongly reminded that he wasn’t the only person in this ring who used to be a professional fighter. Dean had got strong again very quickly since he’d started training and had always been famous for hitting hard, and for the first time Cas was experiencing just how hard. As he blocked a jab with his elbow, Dean’s fist pushed the appendage hard into Cas’ ribs, knocking the air out of him. Cas found himself throwing a few hard punches of his own, just enough to drive Dean back and keep him at arm’s length.

“Easy Guys.” Benny warned, concern etched in his tone as he heard the sharp thwacks signalling just how hard the punches were landing. But Cas still had it under control… just. And it was his control of the fight that just seemed to wind Dean up more, until something snapped.

Cas saw the moment it happened, something in Dean’s eyes turned from pissed, to pure rage and a hateful glare was aimed solely in Cas’ direction. It hurt almost as much as the barrage that followed. Dean bore down on him, hitting as fast and as hard as he could, driving Cas back towards the ropes as the smaller man held his guard and tried to hold his ground. But the pain was growing, his ribs ached, if Dean didn’t ease off he was going to break something. Cas couldn’t remain passive in this. He had to get Dean off him, now! He lashed out desperately, Dean’s guard was sloppy in his attack and Cas’ fist bore hard into his solar plexus.

The single punch had Dean staggering, gasping for air until he fell hard onto the mat on his hip, clutching his middle and coughing. He was face was a mixture of pain and fury, fully directed in Castiel’s direction.

“Dean!” Cas cried in worry. He hadn’t meant to hit that hard, he’d just… panicked. Backed into a corner he’d had nowhere else to go and… “Dean I’m sorry!”

“Save it Cas.” He growled back, his voice rattling from being winded, as he quickly got back to his feet.

“Are you ok?” Cas asked, moving in to offer a helping, apologetic hand, but he was roughly shoved away.

“Just back the fuck off Cas!” Dean spat.

“Please Dean…” Cas begged, but Dean as having none of it.

Dean brought his knee up, hard and without warning, colliding with Castiel’s crotch at full force. To Cas, it felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. Pain exploded through from his groin, spreading quickly to his stomach as all the blood seemed to drain from his legs and they crumpled. He fell to the floor with a gasp of barely concealed pain, he probably would have screamed if he had any air left in his lungs, but that was long gone. As he pulled his legs up into the foetal position, biting back the nausea, he buried his face into the mat, teeth gritted against the pain and tried to remind himself how to breathe.

“Winchester!” Cas heard Meg’s snarl followed by a harsh snap. He glanced up to see Dean cradling a bloody nose, backing away from Meg rapidly, but frankly he was too focused on his own pain to care about Dean at the moment. “What the fuck was that, the pair of you?” She demanded. Benny was stood uncharacteristically still, outside the ring, shocked out of acting quickly. Meg, however, wasted no time in moving to comfort Cas. He felt a gentle hand soothing between his shoulder blades as he breathed through the unrelenting pain which was refusing to subside. Maybe Meg was saying something, maybe she wasn’t, but he was hardly able to focus right now.

“Cas…” Dean started, seemingly breaking out of his rage and seeing his still hunched over boyfriend clutching his groin, pain written across his features. Cas looked up and glared, jaw clenched. “Are you ok?” He asked tentatively.

“Fuck off Dean!” Cas spat, venomously. The words hit Dean like a punch. Cas never swore, not even when he was really mad, but it seemed this time, he’d really gone and done it.

“Cas…” Dean breathed.

“Just fuck off home, Dean. I’ll see you at your place.” The man growled weakly, eyes ablaze with a spectrum of emotion, most prevalent though, was an overwhelming look of hurt that turned Dean’s stomach painfully.

Your place, Cas had said. Not _our_ place. Not Cas’ home. It hit Dean like a tonne of bricks. There was nothing left for him to do but gawp in surprise and hurriedly grab his things.

…………………

Dean sat at home for an hour waiting for Cas’ arrival. He’d sent him 8 texts apologising, but still no reply. 70 minutes passed, then 90 and Dean’s mood started to shift from remorseful to pissed once again. Then he picked up the bottle. By the time the door did open, and his boyfriend somewhat hobbled into the house Dean was just plain drunk.

“About goddamn time.” Dean grunted, taking another swig from his half empty bottle of jack.

“Excuse me?” Cas scoffed, his once soft eyes hardening into an icy glare.

“Where the hell have you been for 2 hours! I’m sorry about before alright, but seriously Cas, playing games, keeping me waiting?”

“I’m not the kind to play games Dean.” Cas huffed.

“So, what were you doing? Pissed at me, so getting your revenge with that whore Meg? She a god lay Cas?” Dean yelled.

“Are you for real?” Cas balked. “Do you really think so little of me?” Dean noticed the way Cas had to turn his face away to hide the growing wetness in his eyes. “What the hell is this about Dean, because you’ve been like this all week and I can’t for the life of me figure out what I have done to deserve this?”

“Not now Cas, for God’s sake.”

Cas frowned deeply at the break in Dean’s voice, the barely held control over reservoir of emotion he was holding back starting to crack. “What happened Dean? What’s wrong?” His voice softer, but no less firm. The anger was quickly bleeding out of Dean and Cas took the chance to move closer, hoping that they were finally going to have an actual conversation.

“Just back off will you!” Dean snapped, throwing his bottle to the floor, where it smashed leaving a mess of broken glass and alcohol on the tiles without another word he turned around and roughly pushed his way past Castiel, going into their room and slamming the door behind him.

“What the hell?” Cas muttered to himself, raking his fingers through his hair in frustration. This was it, wasn’t it? Cas had done something, something unforgiveable in Dean’s eyes and hadn’t realised or maybe Dean had just figured out that he didn’t actually like Cas as a person now they were living together and had been pulling away all week, and then Cas had hit him and either way, Dean was going to come out of that room any second and tell him it was over, that he had to get out and go back to being alone.

He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t go back to life before Dean… He loved him, he realised. He loved Dean Winchester and the thought of being without him made it difficult to breathe. As his thoughts whirled out of control, he could almost hear Meg scolding him. He took a breath. This wasn’t about him; it was about Dean. Something was wrong with the man, maybe it was indeed something Cas had done, or maybe it wasn’t, but if he wanted any chance of fixing this, he had to get Dean to talk. Whatever had happened today, was just the climax of events and unless he’d completely misjudged Dean’s character nothing Castiel had done in the past fortnight was bad enough to warrant such rage directed his way.

No, this wasn’t his fault, he told himself, heeding Meg’s words. Something was bothering Dean and he wasn’t going to let himself be treated like this. Dean was trying to push him away and he wasn’t going to let him. If Dean wanted to fight, Cas could fight back just as hard and if there was one thing in this world that he was still willing to fight for it was this relationship. He marched towards the bedroom and opened the door roughly, with purpose.

“Dean if I have done something to upset, please do say so, but I have a feeling your actions toward me are unjustified and I want to know what’s the matter.” He demanded.

Dean was lying in bed, facing away from the door, looking out the window. His body was still tense, but less angry and more… drained. “There’s nothing…”

“Don’t treat me like an idiot Dean, there very clearly is something wrong.” Cas interrupted.

“It’s none of your business.” Dean growled.

“If that’s the way you feel, I accept that. You were patient with me divulging my problems and if you don’t want to reveal everything I will try and do the same...”

Dean laughed bitterly, interrupting Cas.

“I will leave you alone if that’s what you wish, but I’m here if you want to talk. I want to help you Dean.”

“Well I don’t want you to!” Dean snapped. “I don’t need your help Cas, or anyone else’s, so just butt out.”

“Dean…”

“I’m not some ‘girl’ who needs to pour their heart out every five minutes like you. Life isn’t a chick-flick, and no one cares that your broken Cas! And just because you are, doesn’t mean I am. I’m not some little project for you to fix, I can deal with my own shit!”

Cas went silent for a second, fist clenched he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, willing himself to calm down. Despite the pain roiling in his gut and his instincts telling him to run and never come back he stood firm and tried to think logically.

“For both our sakes I’m going to forget you said that. I know you didn’t mean that so…”

“How do you know I didn’t mean it?” Dean scoffed and it was like a knife through Cas’ heart.

Dean finally rolled to see Cas’ face flashed with hurt, but then suddenly it turned to a stony anger and it was all aimed at him. Cas’ fist slammed down on the desk in the corner of the room with an almighty thud, the wood splintering and startling Dean, who looked at Cas in sudden fear.

“That’s it!” Cas bellowed. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but this has to stop. For God’s sake let me help you Dean!”

Dean stood up angrily, meeting Cas face to face. “I’m not some pity project Cas. So take a Goddamn hike!”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Cas growled fiercely, backing Dean slowly away from the door. “You are not going to push me away Dean, however hard you try, and I meant it. I am here for you and you are going to goddamn talk to me!”

Dean sat down on the bed in shock, the angry and distant façade suddenly breaking into something with looked like grief and fatigue. Cas took a breath, sensing the change he softened his stance and moved to sit beside Dean.

“Dean, I let you help me. Despite the fact I have never let anyone in before, despite the fact I have never let anyone close to me, yet alone trusted them, I told you everything. I know it’s a hard thing to do and I don’t expect you to do the same if you’re not ready, I just want you to admit to me that you’re not ok. I understand, and I care, so when you are ready let it go Dean… Whatever it is stopping you from talking to me, we are in this together so let me help you.”

There was a beat of silence as they both sat next to each other, Dean trying not to look Cas in the eye, but then a single tear broke free from his eyelid and left a track down his cheek. Cas wasted no time in wiping it away gently with the pad of his thumb.

“I’m so sorry Cas.” Dean sniffed, leaning into his boyfriend’s chest as Cas just held him there as he so clearly needed. “I’m so sorry for today and this week, I’ve been a total ass and I know it.”

“Its Ok.” Cas conceded with a sigh.

“It’s not I treated you like shit.” Dean countered.

“You’re right Dean, it wasn’t ok, but you’re not ok either and I forgive you. I just want to help. It hurts me when you’re upset, and I want to be there for you as you have been for me so badly. I can’t stand it when you push me away.”

“It’s the anniversary of my Dad’s death.” Dean said, voice heavy and suddenly everything clicked into place for Cas. “I should have warned you really, Sammy learnt a long time ago to steer clear from me for a good week, but I was being selfish. I know it may not seem like it with how I’ve been acting, but you just having you around has helped. I’m usually just alone in the house, so drunk I barely remember anything that happened the whole week, till I get my act together again.”

“You were very close to your father, weren’t you?”

“I spent my entire life trying to live up to him Cas, trying to make him proud and help him avenge Mom’s death… but I was never good enough, no matter what I did…” Dean stopped, voice breaking.

“No matter what you did he was never satisfied.” Cas finished. “And because you loved him, because he was your father, failing him hurt you more than anything physical.”

“Yeah.” Dean sniffed, somehow still holding his composure. “And I think if he’d have lived to see the fight with Azazel, seen me beat him, the maybe he would have finally been proud of me.”

“I don’t think he would have Dean.” Cas said plainly.

“What!” Dean pulled away sharply, hurt flashing on his face. “What do you mean?”

“Dean I never met your father, but I have met plenty of people like that in my life. Your fight with Azazel was incredible, you were incredible, anyone would have been proud of your performance, or any one of your performances throughout the year, but people like your father, they will always find something that wasn’t right, that wasn’t perfect. I don’t think anything you could have ever done would have made him happy and that’s not a reflection on you, but on him. In his mind, he failed your family and his own guilt caused him to push that burden onto your shoulders and he expected nothing short of perfection. He could never be happy with you because he wasn’t happy with himself, and nothing you could have done would have ever changed that. But none of it is your fault.”

“No one’s perfect.” Dean realised, letting Cas shuffle back towards him and hold close so their sides were pressed together, and fingers interlaced.

“Precisely.” Cas agreed. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t love your Dad; at the end of the day he was your father and he probably had some redeeming qualities…”

“You know, the more I think about it I’m not sure he actually did. I worshipped him and he did nothing for us. I practically raised Sammy; he was never around…” Dean sighed.

“And worst of all, he forced you into a life you didn’t want for yourself and that fight with Azazel, it traumatised you Dean. Its ok to have enjoyed beating your mother’s killer, but you feel guilty about feeling that way, it haunts you. And you have your father to blame for all that.”

“He was still my Dad.” Dean countered. “And what kind of son would it have made me if I hadn’t done everything I could to put Mom’s killer to justice?”

“Of course, Dean, I never met your Mom either, but I very much doubted she would have wanted this life for you. I’m not trying to make you hate your father, I only want you to see what I do. And I think your Mother would agree with me when I say, that if she or I ever get to see him again, in this life or the next, we would ‘whoop his ass’ so hard he’ll be wishing he could die twice.”

“Cas…” Dean chuckled weakly.

“I mean it Dean. If he had seen you for who you really were for anything more than a second, he would have been the proudest man on this planet because you, Dean Winchester, are beautiful and kind and funny… You are strong and compassionate and self-sacrificing, you always put others before yourself and anyone who is lucky enough to have you in their life knows that they have someone infinitely loyal in their corner who would do anything to protect his family, not matter the cost to himself. You are all that’s good in this world Dean.”

“How can you say all that, after what I said today, after what I _did_ today?” Dean sighed, resting his head heavily into Cas’ shoulder. “I hurt you.”

“And I hurt you.” Cas sighed. “So, you have a few anger issues...” Cas shrugged, rubbing a thumb across Dean’s cheek, the other reaching for his hair. “It’s not as if I can stand high and mighty on that account, after all it can’t have been a month ago you were picking me up from a jail cell after the Alastair incident.”

“We’re quite a pair, aren’t we?” Dean chuckled, with tear stained cheeks.

“Yes, we are.” Cas smiled softly. He took the brief lull in their conversation to coax Dean into laying down with him. They spent a moment just holding each other, letting the stress and emotion of the day slowly start to leak away.

“I’m sorry Cas.”

“So am I.” Cas sighed. “But thank you for talking to me.”

“Should use my words more often, huh?”

“Yes, I would appreciate it if you did, if we both did.” He chuckled. “I thought I was going to lose you today. Half the afternoon I had myself convinced I’d done something to upset you, or my annoying habits had finally caught up with you and you were about to break it off with me.”

“Cas, I’m so sorry, I never wanted you to feel like that I was just lashing out, it wasn’t fair. Nothing you do is annoying, you’re the easiest person to live with I could imagine, and I don’t know what annoying habits you think you have, but to me all your little quirks are nothing but adorable.”

“I’m not adorable Dean, I’m a former world boxing champion.” Cas grunted.

“An adorable former world boxing champion.” Dean pouted and Cas rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t say any of that to make you feel guilty, you know? I meant it when I said I forgive you and I don’t expect you to keep apologising to me, but if today has shown us one thing it’s that I think we need to both be far more forthcoming about our feelings.”

“You’re right and I’ll try Cas, I just can’t promise to be perfect overnight.” He said, resting his head on Castiel’s chest as the man ran his fingers caringly through Dean’s hair.

“Dean Winchester, I will never expect you to be perfect, or set any unreasonable expectations, this is something neither of us are good at and as long as we both try that’s the best, we can ask of each other. Regardless, Dean, you are already perfect to me and nothing you ever do will change that.”

“You are really going to have to stop with the sappy comments Cas or I’m going to start crying for real.”

“And there’s nothing wrong with that, but I’m never going to stop telling you the way I see you Dean, not until the day you start to see yourself in the same light that I do.”

“Well that’s an expectation I know I won’t be able to live up to.” Dean scoffed.

“Its not an expectation I have of you Dean, it one I have of myself. And if I have to keep telling you until the end of time I will. I love you Dean Winchester.”

“I love you too Cas. So much.”

Cas smiled deeply, blues eyes sparkling happily for the first time today and it made Dean’s chest fill with warmth. He took the chance to press his lips against the other man’s, body’s moving closer instinctively but there was no heat behind the kiss. They were both drained, mentally and more so emotionally.

“Are you working tommorow?” Cas asked as they broke apart.

“Just the morning.”

“Well then I’m calling Bobby. You need rest Dean, you’re grieving and I’m going to look after you, no objections.”

“I don’t even want to object.” Dean smiled. “That sounds nice.” He was distracted by a buzzing from his phone and groaned when he saw who was calling.

“Whats wrong?” Cas asked, raising up onto on elbow, concerned.

“It’s Sam. Benny would have called him after today.”

“Ah.” Cas hummed. “Would you like some privacy?”

“No, its fine I don’t mind you staying.”

“I’ll go get us a drink anyway, order in some pizza, I don’t know about you, but I didn’t eat properly today and I’m starving.”

“Good idea.” Dean smiled as Cas shuffled off the bed. He pressed the green button. “Hey Sammy…” He answered tentatively.

“I’m an hour away Dean and you better be goddamn sober when I get there!”

“Sammy…”

“Benny told me what happened today and honestly I can’t believe you! I know what week it is Dean, but Cas doesn’t, and he doesn’t know how to deal with your shit…”

“Sammy please…”

“No Dean, Dad’s been dead nigh on 10 years and whether you see it or not he was an asshole, I know you loved him, hell even _I_ loved him Dean, but he’s not worth any more of your time and he is certainly not worth losing Cas over! That man is the best thing that has ever happened to you…”

“Sammy will you let me get a damn word in!” Dean finally managed to butt in.

“What?”

“Everything’s ok.”

“Really?” Sam said sceptically.

“Yeah. It turns out Cas does know how to deal with my shit, even I he hasn’t got a lifetime of experience like you.”

“What do you mean?”

“He called me out on it, wouldn’t take any of my crap… he didn’t force me to talk to him as such but stood his ground until I did, wouldn’t let me push him away… I could have lost him today Sammy, I could have lost him, but he wouldn’t let me go.”

“So, you told him?” Sam asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, I told him and he kinda helped set my head straight on some things. You’re right. You’re both right. I don’t need to keep trying to live up to a dead man. I was good enough then and I’m good enough now, no matter what he thought.”

“You have no idea how long I’ve been trying to make you see that Dean.” Sam sighed happily. “Man, I’m going to have to buy Cas dinner or something.”

“Hands off my boyfriend I saw him first.” Dena grumbled and

“Marry him!” Jess’ voice came through distorted in the background.

“Jess is in the car too? What the hell you bring her here for?”

“Sam’s chances of getting you back in line were slim to none, so me and Ellen were going to be back up but looks like Cas doesn’t need any help dealing with Winchester crap.” Jess answered. “You get a ring on that finger before he realises what he’s getting himself into.” She teased.

“He knows exactly what he’s getting himself into, but he still hasn’t disappeared on me.”

“As I said, Marry him!” Jess called again.

“Will you keep it down, he’s in the other room and we’ve never even talked about anything like that, it’s too soon.” Dean grumbled.

“Well, seeing as we’re no longer needed, we’ll spend the evening at Bobby and Ellen rather than drive all this way for nothing.” Sam chipped back in. “Let us know if you need us to come over, I’m always here for you Dean.”

“I know Sam and thank you. Thank you for driving here ready to whoop my ass and stop me losing Cas, I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

“That’s what brothers are for Dean. Have a good night.”

………………………………

Cas heard little bits of the conversation bleed through from the other room but not much, especially once he was on the phone himself to order in a pizza. He sent a text off to Benny and Meg to get them to stand down, and one to Bobby prescribing a day off work for Dean and warning of the impending descension of Sam and Jess. Somehow, he’d reached the end of the day and everything was ok, he took a moment to stare upwards and taking a breath, thanking whatever entity was listening for everything in his life right now… Well, apart from his aching nuts that was. They were really grating on his patience, and if he was going down that road, he should probably add his bruised ribs to the equation too... But other than those things, he had everything he wanted; fierce, caring friends, an amazing man, but most of all he was happy for the first time in his life.

Thinking of his own injuries reminded him of Dean’s bloody nose at the hands of Meg. He could probably use some ice. He pulled a bag of frozen peas out of the freezer while he waited for the hot chocolate to cool. He had added nearly double the amount of cocoa to normal and a hole heap of sugar, just how Dean liked it. Dean would probably have chosen a beer, but he figured there’d been more than enough alcohol involved in the evening’s proceedings.

As he balanced everything in his hands and made his way back to the bedroom, he made a terrible mistake. A mistake that would change everything.

All it took was one step, one clumsy step in the wrong place, forgetting what had transpired earlier. As his foot hit the floor, it all went wrong. Without warning his foot was thrown from underneath him. The world spun violently. With a sickening feeling of dread, he tried to grab hold of something, but he couldn’t right himself. Bright light assaulted him, followed by blinding pain and then, nothing.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because writing chronologically all the time is boring...  
> not sure this will be the resolution to the cliff-hanger you'd been hoping for but with lockdown around the world I think I can probably squeeze in a little more writing time ;)

Well, that had been about the last thing Sam had expected to hear when he’d called Dean. He’d heard about the fight at the gym from Benny when he’d got back from work to 6 missed messages from the gym owner and a few from Bobby saying that Dean had been ‘acting like an ass’ all week and did he know what was wrong?

It wasn’t as if Sam had never tried to deal with Dean when he was like this, he had when they were younger, he’d spend the entire week trying to drag his brother out of the bottle and the pit of guilt and despair he hurled himself into, only to get an equal amount of abuse hurled back his way. He’d learnt that nothing he could say or do when help Dean when he was like that, and that if he stayed away and let Dean deal in his own, stupid, self-destructive way he’d eventually snap out of it.

But somehow, some way, Cas had found a way to break through to Dean on his first attempt when Sam had been trying to for half his life. He imagined a lot of people would feel jealous of that fact; his brother’s boyfriend, someone who’d been in their lives 5 minutes could do what he, Dean’s closest family, could not. But Sam wasn’t jealous, not one bit. He was just so desperately thankful and relieved.

“You ok?” Jess asked, a little concern etched into her tone.

“You know he’s not replacing you right?”

“Who?”

“Cas.” Jess said as if it were obvious. “He’s not replacing you in Dean’s life you know.”

“Yeah, no of course. I’m not upset about that far from it. I’m just so damn glad Dean finally listened to someone that I guess I’m a bit shell shocked.”

“You know why Cas could get through to him and not you, right?”

“Go on…” Sam asked, it was the question he’d been trying to figure out after all.

“Dean’s self-esteem is through the floor, always has been.”

“Funnily enough I’ve noticed.” Sam chuckled bitterly.

“Yeah, and you make keep saying the right things, but he’s never going to believe it coming from you Sam, because you’re his brother. You’ve always looked up to him, admired him… he raised you.”

“Yeah, I’m not quite with you...”

“You have always been part of his life, you’re family and there’s no escaping it. Cas on the other hand… Cas chose Dean, he doesn’t have to be in his life. You’re his brother, and he sees that as an obligation, an obligation that you have to say those things to him, to be nice to him, but Cas never had that obligation.”

“He believed it coming from Cas, because Cas isn’t family, he didn’t have to care but he did anyway. He didn’t have to love Dean, but he chose to and there had to be a reason for that. He didn’t trust I believed what I said, but he can trust that Cas does.” Sam realised.

“Exactly.” Jess smiled softly as they continued down the freeway. Maybe half an hour passed in silence before Sam spoke up again.

“We’re here.” Sam, he sighed, gratefully, as they finally pulled up outside Bobby and Ellen’s. The first half of the drive he’d been so full of worry and anger that now the engine came to a shuddering halt, everything started to hit home.

“We’ll stay the night if we can, go see Cas and Dean in the morning.” Jess said, sensing his unease. “But they’re ok Sam.” She soothed, placing a loving hand on his arm to ground him.

“Yeah I know, still can’t believe it though.” He shook his head and then his phone started ringing. He looked at it in surprise.

“Who is it?” She asked.

“Dean. You go in Jess; I’ll see what’s up this time.” He sighed.

“Sure,” she smiled. “Tell him I want to be maid of honour!”

Sam chuckled and rolled his eyes, Dean would never hear the end of wedding plans now, even if he’d not even considered proposing yet.

“Hey Dean, you ok?” Sam picked up, tiredly. It had been a long emotional drive and he was well in need of a good night’s sleep.

The following words were the ones he dreaded above all others, spoken by an unfamiliar voice in a grave tone. The same tone he’d heard when he’d been informed of the death of John Winchester. His heart stopped in his chest and his air left his lungs.

“Mr. Winchester. I’m calling about your brother…”

………………………………………….

20 minutes earlier…

Dean lay back in the bed letting the emotions squirming inside him slowly calm. Thank God for Cas. No one had ever handled him like that… he’d never let anyone handle him like that not even Sammy. It was so much easier to push people away, but with Cas he didn’t want to, and Cas wouldn’t let him either. This was real. The realisation hit him like a train, and he took a deep calming breath. Whatever this was between him and Cas was not like anything he’d had before, it was real, it was lasting… it was something that he would have to try very hard not to fuck up.

He could hear the fridge open and close as Cas worked in the kitchen. God, he wished Mom could have met Cas, she’d have loved him. He just wished he’d hurry up and get back here so he could hold him and tell him how much he loved him. He’d been in that kitchen ages, considering he was just getting a drink and ordering pizza.

Finally, he heard the sound of footsteps coming back his way. Then there was a strange squeak and a crunching of glass, followed closely by an almighty crack that had Dean sitting up straight in bed, alarmed. There was another sound of smashing ceramic, that had Dean shaking his head.

“Cas? You ok in there?” Dean asked, a small chuckle on his lips. Sounded like Cas had dropped the damn drinks, but that was nothing new. Cas was one clumsy mofo, considering how he danced around the ring. But when the familiar deep muttering grumbles didn’t sound through the apartment in response, Dean’s face twisted into a frown.

“Cas?” He asked, loudly. But there was no answer. Nothing; it was eerily silent in fact.

“Cas!” Dean barked. Still nothing. Both Dean’s feet were planted on the floor in the blink of an eye. He walked through to the kitchen, picking up the baseball bat he had resting in the corner of his room just in case. But there was no one there.

Then he saw it. Blood, on the corner of the kitchen island furthest from him. He rushed around it and gasped in horror. Cas! It looked like a crime scene. Cas was crumpled on the floor, neck twisted and crunched against the cupboard doors which were streaked with blood. He must have cracked his head on the corner and slid down the worktop…. His head! Blood from some invisible wound was pooling on the floor, so much red, and it wouldn’t stop.

“Shit, no, no, no.” Dean rushed to his boyfriends side, hands skating across Castel’s face, before searching for the pulse point. This couldn’t be happening. “Cas, wake up. Come on Cas, wake up!” He begged, put Cas was limp and pale. Lifeless. He grabbed the phone and started dialling. While the dial tone sounded in his ear Cas’ torso lurched violently and a terrible retching sound came from his throat. Dean just had chance to turn him in time before vomit rushed out of his mouth and onto the floor.

“Shit. Cas Please wake up.” Dean begged, but again, Cas was motionless and now Dean was worried that he’d moved him, what if he had a neck injury, he could have just paralysed him…

“911 what’s your emergency?” The sound from the phone now discarded on the floor snapped him back into the room as he scrabbled to retrieve it and put it back to his ear.

“I need an ambulance to 3501 Pine street now.”

“Of course Sir, can you tell me what’s happened?”

“My boyfriend… he’s unconscious, he won’t wake up, there’s blood everywhere.”

“Ok Sir take a deep breath for me, ambulance is on its way. Is he breathing?”

“Yes.” Dean nodded, in some relief. He hadn’t even thought to check before that moment through his all-consuming panic.

“That’s good. And what’s your name Sir?” The dispatcher asked.

“Dean, Dean Winchester.”

“And your boyfriend’s name?”

“Castiel Novak.”

“Ok Sir, Keep seeing if you can wake me for him, can you tell what happened?”

“I… he…” Dean stammered and realised he didn’t know. Had Cas just fallen, had he slipped? Only now did he think to look round the room, two mugs of hot cocoa were broken on the floor, a bag of peas from the freezer… he wasn’t sure why, but then he saw it. Dean’s stomach lurched and then emptied itself on the floor not far from Cas’ pile of puke. The broken glass of the Whiskey bottle not far from Cas’ feet and he realised with a dreadful sensation, that this was all his fault.

“Sir?”

Dean shook himself out of his thoughts, the guilt suffocating. “He slipped; I think. I wasn’t in the room, but I dropped a bottle earlier and it smashed, the floor was wet. I think he slipped on it and hit his head on the counter.” Dean choked out. It was his fault. Cas was bleeding on the floor and it was all his fault. They’d said one more hit to the head could kill him… What if Cas died? What if Cas died all because of Dean’s stupid tantrum?

“Sir are you still with me?” The operator’s voice snapped him back to reality and he realised he was breathing far too quickly. Snap out of it Dean, you have to get it together. Cas needs you right now.

“Yes Maam.” Dean choked. “There’s something else you need to know.” He added quickly.

“Yes?”

“He has epilepsy, post traumatic epilepsy.”

“From a previous head injury?” She asked.

“Yes.”

“Ok Sir. Has he been sick, or had a seizure?”

“He just threw, I got him on his side...”

“Well done, keep him there just in case it happens again.”

“They said one more hit could kill him, he’s not going to die, is he? Please tell me he’s going to be ok; he has to be ok?” Dean begged, losing all semblance of control as he dissolved into panic.

“Sir, I need you to calm down and breathe with me ok?” The woman on the phone talked him through it gently. “The ambulance will be here any minute and he’s going to be in the best hands, ok?”

“Ok.” Dean said quietly, voice shaky, hands shaking and as if by some terrible transference Cas lurched underneath him, body going rigid, contorting and convulsing violently, without warning.

“Oh God no, no, not now, not now.”

“Sir, what’s happening.”

“Seizure.” Dean choked and he quickly moved to cushion Cas’ head from any further jostling.

“Ok, don’t restrain him, just make sure he can’t hurt himself; paramedics are moments away.”

Cas was still rigid and seizing when the ambulance got there. It had probably only been a few minutes, but to Dean it felt like hours. He’d forgotten to start a timer, though at this stage he guessed it hardly mattered. By this point Cas was deathly pale, the red of his blood and blue of his oxygen starved lips standing out clear on his face. It was burned into Dean’s retinas. Dean had no idea if they stopped the seizure or not before Cas was ripped away from him and bundled into the back of the ambulance. He knew someone had asked him something, but when he came back to himself there was just him and a female medic staring at him concernedly.

“You back with me Buddy?”

Dean blinked in confusion, head spinning. He felt sick. “What…”

“Ok, you’re coming with me. Your boyfriend was hurt, you called the ambulance. He’s on his way to the hospital right now.”

“Cas!” Dean remembered. “Please tell me he is ok?”

“He’s in good hands, now come on.”

Dean couldn’t focus or resist as he felt himself man-handled and guided gently into the back of a car that wasn’t baby. It took him a moment to realise he was sat in the back of the first responders car. Why was there a first responder as well as the ambulance? That meant it was serious right?

“Unit 4a what’s your status?” The radio crackled with and familiar, monotone timbre.

“Still on site with Dean Winchester, patient’s boyfriend. He called the ambulance, found at the scene in shock we’re giving him a ride back to the hospital.” The paramedic reported back, but it barely registered that they were talking about him. He needed to see Cas. They’d said he was in shock, he wasn’t in shock, he was fine, he just needed Cas.

“Got a next of kin for him?” The radio asked.

“Hey, Dude, someone we can call for you.”

“I’m fine.” Dean tried to sound convincing, but his voice was hollow and small.

“Yeah sure. Eat this?” She said, offering him what looked like a Hershey’s bar, but Dean wasn’t interested. He felt sick.

“You should be helping Cas not me.”

“Your boy has got all the help he needs, now tell us who we can call for you.” She said, leaving no room for argument.

“Sammy.” Dean wheezed. “My brother, Sam.” Dean tentatively passed over his phone to the woman sat next to him and she immediately found the number in recent contacts.

“Mr. Winchester. I’m calling about your brother…”

……………………………………..

The initial relief Sam had felt when he’d been told that Dean was fine, just in shock, was quickly replaced by soul crushing worry when he heard why. Cas had been rushed to hospital with a severe head injury. Now, waiting at the hospital with his distraught Brother, his Wife and Bobby and Ellen, who were equally as worried, he could barely focus on the Doctor’s words. Intensive care, brain haemorrhage, induced coma, fractured skull... He just caught snippets of the conversation and none of it was good. How could so much go so wrong and so quickly?

“We’re going outside.” Jess said plainly, her gentle yet firm voice breaking through his swirling thoughts as she tugged him away from the corridor.

“But Dean needs me here.” Sam protested, looking back at Dean who was sat on a waiting room chair, elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, looking like he didn’t know whether to cry, scream or punch someone.

“Dean has Ellen and Bobby; you need some air a moment.” She told him, leaving no room for argument as she guided him way, down the corridor, out the double doors and into the cool night air. “Breathe, you’re ok.” She said gently, hand running up and down his arm soothingly.

“I just can’t believe this, after everything…. what happened?”

“After the gym, Cas and Dean had an argument before Cas got Dean to open up to him. Dean smashed a bottle in anger. It never got cleaned up and while Cas was getting them a drink in the kitchen he slipped and hit his head on the corner of the counter.” Jess explained what Dean had managed to tell her while Sam had been vacationing on the planet Shock. “It was an accident, a horrible accident, but Dean’s blaming himself.”

“Of course, he is.” Sam sighed. “What did the Doctor say? I missed most of it.”

“I thought you had.” Jessica smiled supportively. “He’s going straight into surgery, he has a bleed on the brain which they need to stop, Doctor said its fairly minor, but the damage to his skull means they are going to have to perform a titanium cranioplasty ,”she stumbled over the unfamiliar word, “which means they are going to repair his skull by replacing the damaged part with titanium plates.”

“Oh my God. How risky is it?”

“They wouldn’t make any promises, I don’t think they know if he will survive the operation or not.” She sniffed, a tear tracking down her cheek. Sam pulled her in tight, his heart dropping into his stomach, his chest throbbing painfully at the thought of losing his friend, of Dean losing his soulmate. “And even if he does, they mentioned brain damage, but really they can’t tell us anything for certain.”

“The waiting is going to kill Dean.”

“I know. It’s going to be awful for all of us, but how can we help you to help Dean?”

“Just be there.” Sam breathed. “We all just need to be here.”

“Then let’s go.”

………………………………………………

The man slid back round, the corner from where he’d been stood, watching. Watching and listening the 4 concerned people stood outside the operating theatre. They were an unlikely family, if that’s what they were, and they weren’t quiet either which was certainly helpful in piecing together what was going on. But he had to stay hidden for now. The tall, short haired man seemed to figure he was to blame for what happened. The others disagreed, but the man’s guilt was self-evident. He could also swear he recognised his from somewhere, which made him wary, most of the people he recognised were the enemy.

He picked up the phone and dialled.

“I just got here, he’s still in surgery.” He said without greeting. “There’s people waiting for him, I can’t get to him until he’s out of the operating theatre.” He listened to the response with a stoic face. “Forget the risk, he could die, this might be our last chance. I need you here.”

He paused another second before he hung up.

…………………………………………..


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well you lucky, lucky people. Guess who updated on a reasonable schedule?! Guess it tells you all you need to know about how my dissertation is going #procrastinationiswinning

“It’s not your fault Dean.”

“You have to stop blaming yourself.”

That’s what he’d been hearing all morning, but it didn’t make anything any better. In fact, Dean didn’t have to do anything. It was his damn life and if he wanted to feel shitty about the fact Cas had been in surgery for 5 hours without word of how he was doing, or if he was even going to pull through, then he was well entitled to! Besides, despite the constant reassurance from his family, there was only one person he would believe those words from right now and _he_ wasn’t currently capable of breathing by himself, yet alone speaking.

He paced the corridor again, restless. Sam and Jess’ Mother-henning was really starting to grate on him, Bobby and Ellen had gone in search of food, but Dean felt like he was going to be sick, again. It was like his whole torso was being twisted from the inside, the worry roiling inside him. He couldn’t deal with this. Dean was a ‘see a problem and fix it’ kind of a guy but right now he was helpless, with nothing to do but wait and pray to whatever the hell was out there that Castiel would come out of this, whole and alive.

But despite the all-consuming worry for Cas, he still had his senses. As he paced the halls for the umpteenth time since they’d taken Cas into surgery, he noticed something. The hospital was constantly changing; staff changing shifts bringing in new faces, patients arriving, patients leaving, loved ones visiting, but the one thing that was staying the same was what drew his eye.

There was a man, neither here nor there, not staff, nor patient, nor visitor it seemed. Dean supposed they could be waiting for someone to come out of surgery, just like he was, but this man was trying not to be noticed, almost to the point of hiding… in fact, if he really thought about it, the man seemed to be trying to stay hidden from Dean, and only Dean.

Dean instantly switched into alertness. He carried on his walk as the man discretely ducked around a corner out of sight, and dean pretended not to take any notice. If this guy was shadowing him, for whatever reason, it couldn’t be good.

He returned to his seat outside the operating theatre, mind whirring as he ran though different scenarios. He didn’t even hear Ellen and Bobby return.

“How you doing?” Ellen asked gently, sliding a hand onto his shoulder.

“Shit.” Dean replied bluntly. Ellen only soothed as Bobby settled himself in the chair next to him.

“I know this is hard son, but these things have a way of turning out alright.” The man said kindly. Dean wasn’t used to this tone on Bobby, it was rare for compassion to break through the gruff and grumpy demeanour, but unlike his real father, Bobby showed how much he cared when it was needed. Dean often wondered if John had ever cared at all, but it hardly mattered now.

“Except when they don’t.” Dean sighed. He knew he was being pessimistic, but the whole ‘everything turns out apll right in the end’ thing, was just bull. In real life people died, people were crippled, people who didn’t deserve it. Real life wasn’t fair and as much as he wanted it to be so, this wasn’t a movie with a guaranteed happy ending.

“Dean…” Bobby growled in warning.

“I know I’m sorry. But I just can’t have any faith right now ok? Faith gives me hope and if this doesn’t turn out ok, if that last hope I have gets shattered, then I’m done. I’m done without him Bobby, he’s… he’s everything.”

“I know Son.” Bobby said, his voice as pained as Dean felt and he felt himself pulled into a strong set of arms as tears rolled out the corner of his eyes, but he didn’t let himself succumb to them.

“We can’t control what happens from here Dean, and I know you don’t believe in a higher power or anything, but if there is one out there, even the slightest chance, we have to hold out hope for Castiel, because he can’t hold any for himself right now.” Ellen said softly.

“He’s got to make it.” Dean said in a whisper.

“That’s more like it.” Ellen smiled, brushing a tear away from his cheek with her thumb. Then he felt his arm nudged roughly by Bobby’s elbow.

“Dean!” The man shouted and Dean turned quickly to see what Bobby was looking at.

There was Cas; being wheeled out of the operating theatre by two nurses and heading in their direction. Dean was on his feet instantly. He was alive at least, and Dean breathed allowed himself to breathe properly for the first time in 6 hours. Ellen’s hand on his shoulder held him back as the gurney rolled closer. His stomach dropped when he saw Cas was still attached to the ventilator tube, his face ashen white and eyes sunken. Then there was his head; almost half the side was shaven from the centre of his forehead to just behind his ear with a nasty scar in the shape of the crescent moon dressed with the brown antiseptic iodine painted on excessively.

He looked awful.

“Cas…” The breathy, quiet word was all Dean could manage as they drew level. It took a moment to realise that he’d set off after them, Bobby and Ellen in tow, as he took in the change in surroundings on approach to the ICU.

“Mr. Winchester?” One of the nurses asked as the other wheeled Cas off into a private room further down the way.

“Yes, can I see him? Is he ok?” the words tumbled desperately out of Dean’s mouth in a torrent of barely understandable queries.

“The doctor will be with you shortly to explain everything, but for now you can’t go in just yet. We need to get him settled, and make sure he’s stable.” She explained.

“Stable?” Ellen breathed in concern.

“He’s been put in an induced coma, I don’t want you to worry yourselves, its standard procedure to aid recovery after such a traumatic injury, purely precautionary.” She reassured them, but Dean wasn’t convinced.

“What about the ventilator?” He asked, in challenge.

“We’re taking the breathing tube out now; the ventilator is on free flow Mr. Winchester.” She smiled softly.

“What does that mean?” He asked.

“Free flow means he’s breathing on his own.” Ellen said and the nurse nodded. Dean almost collapsed in relief.

“The doctor will be with you any minute, but his surgeon has had to go straight into another emergency surgery.” The nurse repeated and then disappeared into Cas’ room.

………………………………..

Dean slumped into the chair as they waited in a tense silence. Sam and Jess had returned sometime in the interim. He’d only been waiting 10minutes, but he felt like his skin was on fire. He needed answers. He couldn’t cope with this any longer. He’d politely turned down Ellen’s offer of food they’d brought from the canteen and they didn’t make a fuss. They hadn’t eaten anything themselves and were probably all too empathic of the effect worry was having on his gut. He positioned himself so he could see the nurses station, knowing the Doctor would likely stop there before coming to fill them in. His theory was confirmed when a doctor started conversing with the nurse and he saw a hand pointed in their direction. He sat up straighter in anticipation. Then his heart plummeted.

“Doctor…” The man stepped out from behind a pillar, blocking the doctor’s way. Dean was instantly on his feet. It was the man he’d noticed before, the one that had been shadowing him, trying to stay out of sight. And now he was approaching Cas’ doctor? Dean got to his feet, sliding closer, staying out of sight so he could hear what was being said.

“Can it wait a moment?” The Doctor asked the man. “I’m on the way to speak to Novak’s family…” He said, more addressing the nurse.

“I am the family.” The man stepped forward and suddenly Dean felt hostility creep in.

“Yes, Mr. Novak was listed as next of kin, we contacted him when his brother was brought in.” The nurse explained to the Doctor.

“Well Mr. Novak, I assume you would like an update on your brother’s condition?”

“Please.”

Brother. Dean’s stomach lurched in anger and worry. If Cas’ brother was here, then they were all in very real danger. Dean knew what Michael looked like, and this man wasn’t him… Lucifer, of course, was dead so this must be Raphael, the third brother, the one intent on his murderous mission to wipe Cas and the twins he was protecting off the face of the earth.

“Your brother has just come out of theatre.” The doctor replied Dean strained to hear what was being said. “He suffered a severe Traumatic intracerebral haemorrhage; it is very serious. The integrity of his skull was already compromised before this evening events, so to give him any chance of a full recovery we replaced the damaged section with a titanium plate. We got the bleed stopped and the operation was largely a success.”

“Why do I feel a ‘but’ coming on…” Raphael asked, and Dean had to agree, the feeling of dread intensifying in his gut.

“Because, Mr. Novak, thanks to the bleed your brother’s brain was starved of oxygen for a short period of time. We’ve put him in an induced coma to give him the best chance of a full recovery, but I am afraid it is likely that there will still be some lasting effects.”

Dean’s stomach dropped hard.

“What type of effects?” Raphael spoke the question at the forefront of Dean’s mind.

“It’s too early to say, but we’re not expecting anything too life inhibiting, nothing… major at least. There may be some speech or memory difficulties; the neurosurgeon who operated on him will be able to give you a much better idea, but she was called straight back into emergency surgery and could be a few hours.”

Well that was good news, right? Nothing Major…

“Thank you, Doctor.” Raphael nodded.

“Do I still need to speak to the Winchester contingent, or will you pass on the information?” The doctor asked him.

“Winchester?” The way Raphael spoke their name told Dean that he knew of it, and why wouldn’t he? Dean had after all made quite a name for himself whilst butting heads with the hellions, as had his father. Now that Raphael knew he was here, he was likely going to bring in back up, the stakes had just gone up.

“Yes, that’s the name they gave… I was under the impression they were next of kin. They came in with your brother, but obviously since they aren’t, I would understand if you don’t want any information relayed to them…”

“No, its fine, fill them in on everything but, don’t mention me. I don’t want them to know I’m here.”

Dean scoffed to himself. At least he had the advantage in that respect. He already knew and he had to get Cas moved.

“…OK, sir.” The doctor said, his voice confused and unsure, but he seemed to accept the request and continued on his way, coming in Dean’s direction. He quickly turned tail and headed back to their seats outside Cas’ room, considering their next moves. He had to keep Cas safe…

“Dean… That was quick.” Sam commented with a frown.

“Doctor’s on his way.” He explained.

Dean tuned out the repeated words he’d just overheard and used the time to try and formulate a plan, but what could he do? If Raphael was listed as next of kin, then anything Dean or the rest of them did he could override. They couldn’t get Cas transferred somewhere safe and he sure as hell didn’t have the resources to keep him safe… one man against a potential army...

“Can we see him yet?” Dean demanded the moment the doctor finished speaking.

“Yes, you can go in, there’s plenty of evidence suggesting coma patients can hear you even in this state, so you feel free to talk to him, in fact, I encourage it.”

“Great thanks, come on.” Dean grabbed Sam’s arm and herded the others almost forcefully into Cas’ room.

“Dean, what’s wrong?” Bobby demanded.

“Cas’ brother is here.”

“Cas’ brother?” Sam asked, taken aback. “You mean Michael!”

“Not Michael, it must be Raphael. But it means Michael can’t be far behind.”

“Shit... What do we do?” Sam asked, frantically.

“I don’t know. We can’t move him like this, and we can’t get him transferred, the fucker is down as next of kin.”

“Hey, someone fancy filling us in?” Ellen asked, indignantly.

“Sorry Ellen.” Sam sighed.

“So, you know about the Garrison, and the Michael vs. Lucifer fight…”

“Oh, I don’t like where this is going.” Bobby groaned.

“Michael and Lucifer are Cas’ half-brothers.”

“Shit.” Bobby grunted.

“Yeah.” Sam agreed.

“So, if it’s not that Michael out there, who is this Raphael?” Bobby asked.

“The other half-brother… Basically Cas’ Dad’s first wife was a bitch, had Michael, Lucifer and Raphael and then bailed. Their Dad’s second wife they all loved, after having Cas she gave birth to twins and died in child birth.”

“That’s awful.”

“Yeah, but what’s worse is that Raphael blames the twins, and has some sort of psychotic death wish against them and against Cas for protecting them.”

“Friggin’ psychopath.” Ellen hissed.

“Cas is the only who knows how to contact the twins, but even he doesn’t know where they are. They’re in hiding and to keep them safe its better that even he doesn’t know where.”

“So, we’re alright for a while then surely?” Sam asked. “Cas is no good to Raphael unless he’s awake… He’ll want to question him.”

“I’m not sure they’re going to care.” Dean grunted. “He’s caused them so much trouble by this stage and they know he will never give up the twins, so I think they’re just going to want to take him out.”

“Kill him?” Jess asked, mouth agape.

“Yes. They know he fights like a one-man army; they’ve been waiting years for him to be vulnerable. Michael has been sending goons after him for years and Cas always sends them back bloody… but now is their chance.” Dean explained. “He can’t defend himself like this.”

“So, we defend him.” Ellen said, firmly. “What are our options?”

“I don’t know… They have an entire gang behind them if they want it… and we just have us.”

“That’s not strictly true.” Sam frowned.

“Sam?” Dean asked.

“Benny’s got to know people, and didn’t you mention Meg was Azazel’s daughter…”

“What?” Bobby balked. “And who is Meg?”

“A girl who works at the gym, has a soft spot for Cas, she’s good, she got out of the life.” Dean explained.

“They’ve got to have contacts, people who can help us.”

“Sam, I want you to make the call and take Jess home.” Dean demanded.

“Like hell, I’m not going anywhere.” Jess scoffed.

“Jess, Bobby, Ellen, there’s no reason for any of you to get involved in this.” Dean pleaded.

“Like hell there isn’t!” Bobby scoffed. “That Boy is our family too and we’re sure as hell not leaving you to face this alone.” Bobby told them firmly.

“Damn straight.” Ellen agreed.

“I’ll make the call.” Sam nodded, sipping back into the corridor.

………………………….

He’d been sat there now for three hours, watching Cas breathing, holding his hand, fingers interlaced and stroking his thumb around the canula. By now he’d mapped out every callus, every scar, every lump signifying a previously broken finger or knuckle, and committed them to memory. Cas’ hands were as beautiful as he was. Even now, in this state, he was angelic. His thick eyelashes rested gently above his cheek bones in such a way that Dean could imagine he was sleeping. The bandages and missing hair as a stark reminder that he wasn’t.

Dean had often told Cas it would be a crime to mess with his hair, usually when the man was getting frustrated at its inability to lie flat. Now, the unshaven side was doing exactly that. It looked wrong; almost like its defiance had drained away in mourning of the loss of the rest. He was dying to run his fingers through that flat deflated side, to coax some life back into it, but he just daren’t touch. He didn’t feel he had the right to touch, not now. This was his fault after all.

Benny had arrived a few hours ago and was standing guard with another guy Dean had never met. Ellen had got Dean to finally choke down some food and now he had, he was glad of it. Everyone else was in the room with him, even Meg, though she kept her distance from the doting family. She was there to help stand guard. Raphael was still hanging around according to Benny’s reports, coming and going whilst waiting on news as they were. They now had 5 or 6 men stationed around the hospital discreetly, Dean had questioned whether it was enough, but Benny had assured him it was and knowing how the man himself fought and how he trained his men, Dean believed him.

Even so, this sitting and waiting was not Dean’s style. There was still no sign of Raphael calling for back up and Dean couldn’t understand why. He had to know by now that all these extra people weren’t for decoration, it was obvious they were on to him, but he still hadn’t made a move and that was worrying in its own right. Raphael was clever and Dean had a dreadful feeling that if they weren’t careful, he’d outwit them all. What did he want? Why was he here? Dean couldn’t take it anymore.

“I can’t do this!” He announced, launching to his feet and storming out of the room.

“Dean?” “Dean!” Came the confused shouts of his brother as the door swung shut behind him. Benny gave him a surprised look as he marched away from Cas’ room.

“Cher? What’s going on?”

But Dean ignored him. He ignored everyone as he continued on his path. He needed answers and he needed them now. And he knew just how to get them.

It didn’t take long to locate Raphael, the man had stopped trying to hide hours ago, but his eyes widened when he saw Dean marching towards him.

“You think you can come here?” Dean yelled in his face, and heads started turning in their direction. “You think you have any right to be here?”

“What the…” The man spat back in surprise and Dean saw red. The next thing he knew he had Raphael pinned against the wall, his fist firmly closing around his throat as the other man writhed and choked in his grip.

“You listen to me.” Dean growled. “You think you’re high and mighty with your brothers and an army at your back, but you are not the only one with an army, and you so much as breathe the same air as him and we will destroy you.”

“Dean!” Sam hissed, he felt his brother’s arm trying to pull away but he held firm.

“I know who you are Raphael, and you aren’t even going to touch Castiel. You’re not even going to get close! So why are you here?” He barked.

“I’m not Raphael!” The man choked out, spluttering and struggling for air.

“Sir let him go or I will call security!” One of the nurses barked.

“Dean!” Sam cried again.

“What?” Dean asked in the man disbelief, still not letting go. If he wasn’t Raphael who was he? Then swiftly the man’s fist flew forward and clocked Dean squarely in the jaw, he staggered back letting go of the man, who crumpled to the floor gasping for air.

In seconds security were on Dean, arms holding him tight as Sam shouted in protest and Dean fought against them.

“Let him go, this is just a misunderstanding.” The man, not Raphael, asked them. Security loosened their grip but did not let go and Dean stopped struggling in surprise.

“We can’t do that sir, misunderstanding or not we can’t have this behaviour in a hospital.” The security guard denied.

“Please, its not his fault its mine.” The man almost pleaded. “Give us chance to talk and I promise there will be no more trouble.”

“On your head be it Sir.” The guard huffed and Dean was released roughly.

“What is going on?” Sam asked perplexed.

“Is everything ok Cher?” Benny asked, gun in hand once security were no longer in sight.

“Jesus Benny put the gun away! Where did you even get that?” Dean hissed.

“It’s America Dean.” He scoffed. “And forgive me Cher but I believe you’re the one who called me sounding the red alert regarding the damn Pellegrinos.”

“I’m not _that_ brother.” The man offered as explanation. “I’m not Raphael.” He said, hoarsely, still massaging his reddened throat.

“Then who are you?” Dean demanded.

“I’m Gabriel.”

“Gabriel?” Dean frowned in confusion and then it sunk in. “Shit!” He hissed, remembering the other two brothers, Gabriel and Balthazar, who were helping Cas protect the twins.

“Gabriel? Who’s Gabriel?” Sam asked, still as confused.

“One of the good brothers.” Dean offered sheepishly.

“There’s more brothers?” Bobby scoffed. “Great!”

“It’s a long story.” Gabriel shrugged.

“I need you to prove you are who you say you are.” Dean demanded. “If you are Gabriel, I’m sorry, but you’ll understand I can’t take the risk.”

“Who are you to Cas?” Gabriel asked instead. “He told you about us?” He said, disbelievingly.

“Yes he…” Dean started but was interrupted as three figures appeared behind Gabriel, keeping their distance.

“Gabriel!” The woman gasped, nervously. She was tall, red of hair and really quite beautiful. The other two men, one of which was tall and rather weedy and the second shorter and looked at least 10 years older than them, stood guardedly behind her.

“What’s going on!” The shorter blond man demanded.

“And who in hell are you three!” Bobby threw his arms in the air.

“Anna, Samandriel, Balthazar.” Dean said with realisation. “You _are_ Gabriel.” He concluded.

“Yes.” The man nodded on both counts.

“I’m confused…” Sam whined.

“I think we all need to just go somewhere less public and talk this out.” Jess said calmly.

“Chapel?” Ellen offered.

“Chapel.” Dean nodded.

…………………………………………..

“OK, I don’t know how much you all know about who we are…” Gabriel started.

“Cas told me everything, or at least I think he did.” Dean interrupted. “I gave my family the abridged version.”

“Yes, and I for one would appreciate the unabridged version.” Bobby grumbled.

“Ok.” Dean nodded. “So Cas has a huge family. His Father’s first wife was a bitch, he had Michael, Lucifer, Raphael and Gabriel. She then left them, and he remarried. Amelia Novak, they all loved her very much. She had Balthazar…” Dean paused and the shorter blond man held up his hand, giving them a face to the name. “Then Castiel and then the twins, which must make you Anna and Samandriel?” Dean asked.

“Yes.” Anna said.

“But I go by Alfie now.” Samandriel explained.

“So erm… Amelia she…” Dean continued nervously.

“It’s ok Dean.” Anna nodded. “You can say it. She died giving birth to us.” She filled in.

“Their Dad was distraught, buried himself in the bottle.” Dean continued.

“Sounds familiar.” Sam scoffed.

“and psycho half-brothers, Raphael especially, blamed said children for Amelia’s death. They tried to kill them, even as babies. Meanwhile Gabriel and Balthazar coped with all this by getting high and running off, leaving Cas, no more than a child himself, to protect his kid siblings from his psycho half-family.”

“Touché.” Balthazar shrugged guilty and Gabriel buried his face in shame and regret.

“So, the garrison got set up by Michael, Lucifer being second in command and he offered Cas an olive branch by helping his keep the twins safe from Raphael. But Lucifer was using him, forced Cas into the garrison, until their father finally got his head out of his ass and realised his Sons were running the worst gang in the city…”

“Jesus.” Bobby hissed.

“He really told you everything.” Gabriel frowned, but his gaze was one of respect.

“Yes, he did.” Dean acknowledged.

“I’ll take it from here.” Anna stepped in. “Cas made sure we had as normal as possible a childhood, but we knew of course what was going on. When Dad found out he kicked Lucifer out, but wouldn’t believe that Michael, his precious Michael,” she scoffed, “had anything to do with it.” She sighed. “That drove Lucifer up the wall, he gave Cas a gun and asked him to kill Michael for him. He refused of course, so Lucifer shot Castiel. In the chaos Raphael came for us with a knife. I don’t know how he did it, but Castiel got back up and he beat Raphael into the ground, and just like that we were all on the run. I don’t know what happened to Dad since then, but Cas kept us safe. For a while we had a normal life…”

“Until Michael killed Lucifer in the ring.” Samandriel interceded.

“The Pellegrino fight.” Bobby remembered. “Nasty, nasty business that.”

Alfie nodded. “Castiel was livid, his boxing career had really taken off, we were both at College, so he challenged Michael.”

“It was against all the rules and so damn stupid… I was so mad at him for it.” Anna hissed.

“Then Raphael tried to kill me outside college.” Alfie said quietly, his face a little paler than before.

“He pulled them both out of College and drove them to me.” Gabriel jumped in. “I thought I’d disappeared, but apparently Cas had known where I was all along. I tried to talk him out of the fight, but I imagine by now you know how stubborn he is.”

“All too well.” Dean scoffed.

“From there the rest is history. Gabriel called me in and the four of us have been together, in hiding ever since. The only time we’ve heard from Castiel is in warning that our location may be compromised. It’s been 10 years since we’ve seen him.” Balthazar finished.

There was a moment of shocked silence as they finished their retelling, until Gabriel Spoke up once more.

“When you said Cas told you everything, I wasn’t expecting him to have told you our entire life story. He is careful, he doesn’t open up to anyone, yet alone about this.” Gabriel said, even now the tone of doubt and suspicion was clear in his voice.

“Yeah well, we don’t have secrets from each other.” Dean said, eyes narrowed in challenge.

“So, he knows everything about your sordid past and your fathers one-man war on the hellions?” Gabriel growled.

“Yes, he does.” Dean squared up, pulling up to full height.

“Wait, this is Dean _Winchester_?” Anna asked, straightening suddenly.

“Yes, he is.” Sam stepped in to try and diffuse the rapidly mounting tension. “I’m his brother Sam, I’m a lawyer, this is my wife Jess,” he gestured, “And this is Ellen and Bobby, as close to being our parents as you can get without being related by blood.”

“And you know our brother how?” Balthazar asked, eyes narrowed.

“Through me.” Benny’s voice shocked Dean a little. The man had been so silent, he’d forgotten he was there. “Benny, Benny Laffite. I was Cas’ trainer before the Michael fight and up until his retirement. Deano here started at my gym 6 months ago and they met. The rest is history.”

“So, you’re Cas’...”

“Boyfriend yes.” Dean said, in a way that challenged anyone to question it.

“Cassie is gay?” Balthazar balked. “Didn’t see that coming.”

“The Angel and the Hunter.” Anna mused. “Definitely wouldn’t have called that.”

“What?” Dean asked, at the nickname.

“Certain circles, gang circles… they used to call you and your Dad hunters, you didn’t know?” Anna explained.

“Huh, makes sense I guess, but no, I didn’t.”

“As nice as spilling our life story has been, none of this explains what happened to our brother.” Balthazar reminded.

“So, what did happen?” Gabriel demanded. “How did he end up in that room with a metal plate in his head. The doctor said something about a previous injury.”

“You know about his epilepsy…” Sam started.

“His what?” Anna asked, aghast.

“You have to understand… we haven’t seen him in nearly 10 years or had any contact other than the odd warning call.” Gabriel explained. “It hurts us all to think this, but you know him better than we ever have, probably ever will get to unless someone stops Raphael and Michael.”

“Ok then, I guess we better start from the beginning.” Sam sighed.

“I’m gonna…” Dean said gesturing out the door, he didn’t need to be here for this and even thought the threat seemed to be neutralised, someone needed to be with Cas.

“Yeah, sure.” Sam nodded, giving Dean the all clear to slip out of the room, Ellen following closely on his heels. “How much do you know about why your brother retired from boxing?” Sam continued. He could tell this part of the story at least and Benny of course, was there to back him up.

“Nothing.” Gabriel gritted out.

“Well, I assume you saw the fight with Michael?”

“Saw it, no, heard about it yes.” Gabriel hissed.

“You never watched it?” Sam asked, surprised.

“I saw my brother kill one of my others once already, so forgive me if I didn’t want to watch it twice.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think about it that way.” Sam nodded.

“I can’t imagine how horrible it must have been for you all.” Jess said, a small tear trailing down her cheek. Jess was full of empathy; one of the hundred thousand reasons Sam fell in love with her. He drew her closer, knowing how much hearing this would be hurting her. She always felt other people’s pain and, much like Dean, hated when she could do nothing to help and she’d really taken to Castiel the few times they’d met.

“Its sweet of you to say, but we don’t deserve any sympathy till our brother is well.” Gabriel said, offering Jess a fond smile.

Sam nodded and gave his wife a supportive squeeze. “So, as you know Cas, somehow, won that fight. But if you haven’t seen it, you won’t know that until the miraculous knockout, he really was fighting to survive. He took a big hit to the head from Michael in the early rounds, only just got back up before the count and it happened again several times. Add that up with a lifetime of getting hit in the head and it has its consequences.”

“He collapsed after the fight but checked himself out of hospital before any proper tests were run.” Benny stepped in. “I followed proper concussion procedure, didn’t let him start training for a good week, but we didn’t find out the real damage till over a month later. There was an accident in training, a miracle really, because if it hadn’t happened, he’d have been back in that ring and probably dead long before now… but when I finally got him to stay at the hospital, we learned that Castiel’s skull was severely damaged after the fight with Michael.” Benny clarified. “One more blow to the head could have killed him and the associated brain injury meant he developed mild post traumatic epilepsy. It took some convincing, but I did get him to retire, never could get him to stay out of that gym for more than half a day mind, even if it was only training.”

Gabriel looked genuinely shocked at that news, but his face quickly righted itself. “Ok, so what happened after that, why is he in here?”

“As we mentioned, your brother and mine are dating and they live together…” Sam started. “Last night… a bottle got smashed and it never got cleaned up. Cas slipped on the wet floor later in the night and cracked his head on the counter corner.”

Gabriel growled lowly, but whether he believed that or not, he didn’t say anything further on the matter.

“What are his chances?” Alfie asked, side eyeing Gabriel.

“You know about as much as we do, until his surgeon can see us all we’ve got is maybes.”

“I need some air.” Gabriel shook his head and pushed his way to the door.

“Excuse us,” Anna said gently, “we need to process this and be with our brother.”

“Of course.” Jess nodded understandingly and suddenly the room was much emptier.

……………………………

Dean could feel Ellen at his back the moment he left the Chapel, but thankfully she didn’t engage him, nor follow him into Cas’ room. He was surprised to see a figure sat in the chair beside Cas’ bed, and for a moment he felt alarm until he realised who it was.

“Meg?” Dean frowned. “You’re still in here?”

“Well I’m not a fan of whatever drama was going out there, thought I’d keep Clarence company instead.” She shrugged.

“Thank you. I shouldn’t have left him I wasn’t thinking.” Dean berated himself.

“He’s in a coma Dean, he’s not going to miss you for 5 minutes.” She rolled her eyes. “Drama sorted?”

“I think so.” Dean sighed. He sat down. “Basically, it’s the good side of the family, who were down as next of kin, not Raphael. He’s not in danger.”

“There’s a good side to his family?” Meg snorted in disbelief.

“Apparently. They’ve been in hiding.” Dean gave as a pitiful explanation. He was too tired to get into all of this again; Benny would fill her in later no doubt.

“Always felt he was holding a deep dark secret.” She shrugged.

“I’m surprised he didn’t tell you. You’ve always been close.” Dean frowned.

“Jealous Deano?” Meg smirked and Dean chuckled, eyes drawn to how her fingers kept soothing though Cas’ hair, as if arranging the strands to her liking. “Doesn’t look like him with flat hair, does he?” She asked, noting Dean’s lingering gaze.

“No. I thought that, I just didn’t dare…” He admitted sadly.

“He’s not fragile Dean.” She smiled fondly. “Well, I suppose he is, but not _that_ fragile. He’s the strongest person we’ll ever know, if anyone can come out the other side fighting, its him.”

“If he wakes up, there’ll be no more damn fighting.” Dean grumbled.

“Careful,” Meg chuckled, “if you keep saying things like that, he’ll wake up just to remind you that no one tells him what to do.”

Dean chuckled back in earnest. “Hear that Cas? Gonna, wake up and whoop my ass?” He said fondly, finally allowing his hand to drift towards the thick dark hair. He did look better after Meg’s ministrations, ore like himself. Sex hair for the win, he smiled.

“I’ll give you two some privacy.” Meg smiled. “And for what its worth Dean, I don’t think its your fault either.” She added as she slipped out the door.

…………………………..

**Author's Note:**

> Comments Guys! One line, hell one word makes my day so please, it takes seconds to write and can take days off my updates times.


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